the gift that keeps on giving

Acute viral nasopharyngitis. it's name strikes fear into the hearts of man. i've heard it's a more powerful torture technique than waterboarding. 'twas the real reason Hitler took that cyanide pill. it's why Osama hates America.

they call it the common cold. and it has tormented my family for almost 4 weeks now.

since Thanksgiving eve - someone has been sick in our family. it started with me - nothing more than a cold, followed by severe cough... then it went to micah, then jen and then Addie... well now 24 days later it is back to me... again.

great. what joy. ironically, my two colds have coincided with raking leaves. hmm. colds and leaves? is this a punishment left over from Sodom and Gomorrah?

i was wondering this morning, as i was trying to extract that stuff that fills one's head, chest and throat when one has a cold "I wonder who was the first person to get a cold? What did they think? (and were they raking leaves when the symptoms came upon them?)"

i've determined that it must have been Able. He was probably out working in the fields with his brother Cain - both getting their offering ready for the Lord. Adam & Eve - mom & dad were back at camp preparing the evening meal of twice fried barley grains and a side of passion fruit (of course). As Cain and Able finished up their work, suddenly something so violent came upon Able... it came from the bellows of his abdomen. I know what your thinking... Able wasn't violent - but I'm betting that his first ever sneeze was.

After receiving the brunt of the sneeze and without a pause, Cain turned to Able and said 'God bless you.' and the rest was history. Able's symptoms were not noticed by anyone else, i'm guessing. After Able wiped away the yellow mucus - he presented his offering to the Lord... and well, so did Cain...

and so Cain was banished... and as he left - he took on those first germs and from hence forth -
Acute viral nasopharyngitis spread across the land.

Rumor has it that Moses had a cold when he first went to speak to Pharaoh - thus Aaron had to speak for him... i think that's right.

Well anyway I am battling this ugly thing. It has overtaken my body like that alien that came out of Sigourney Weaver's stomach in the movie Alien.

let's hope i get rid of it a little less violently.

make like a tree and get out of here

as is traditional here in ohio, the weather can mess with every aspect of one's life. and thus, the old men in the locker room at the Y talk of nothing but it (along with the occasional reference to 'The War').

Fall and Winter were meshed together, here, like a shredded wheat biscuit. Freezing cold mixed with sunny days with rain and rain and then last week's blast of snow. Summer seemed to extend well into fall which was nice - but that left leaves on the trees a whole lot longer than usual.

Thus after an extended period (as in maybe 7-10 days) of rain and wind in late November the leaves were all down on the ground. There was one sunny day after the rain... it was cold - but not bitter - and I knew that that day was my only shot at raking up the leaves in the back yard. i should mention that my rake is old school. i don't even know where i got it. i mean, who really wants to spend his hard earned money on a rake? While raking, i realized we didn't have any outdoor trash bags - so I raked all of the leaves into a giant pile against the fence - figuring that i could bag them up the next day. The next day it snowed... followed by what they call a 'wintery mix.' Then, last Thursday we had a huge bit of snow (o.k. - maybe not huge - but 4 or 5 inches... some schools were even called off).

So - i was not able to ever bag up the giant leaf pile in the backyard. Well the last two days have been warm enough to melt away the snow... the sun came out and i figured i might as well bag these leaves up.

there is nothing worse than bagging up wet leaves. Even though i was wearing thick, winter gloves, my hands were stained with a dark orange color - somehow the colors of the leaves seeped through the gloves. it took 8 bags to get rid of that pile. now, my back is really sore and my clothes and jacket are stained as well.

after bagging, i had to haul them in our van to the recycling center. it took two trips.

i don't like leaves. at all.

this caused me to wonder - who came up with the idea that leaves needed raked anyway? did the pilgrims get off the Mayflower and create some sort of makeshift rake out of sticks and branches - in order to rake up the leaves around their huts?

i'm guessing mankind survived thousands of years without rakes... and could have cared less if leaves were raked up. maybe this wasn't God's intent. i have to believe it wasn't... because i think this is my last year to rake 'em up.

i am boycotting leaf raking, i think.

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