salvation [lost blog post]

[a lost blog post - never published... never finished either]



do you feel alive?
can you feel alive?

this morning is/was one of those mornings. you know, one of those morning in which you feel hung over? only i've never been hungover. but the splitting headache took away most of my joy. the pressure around my eyes was forceful enough to make me want to close them for good...

but i went about my business. taking care of business... here and there. up and down. the little things that needed done, done.

but now - in much need of caffeine (my fix for days like this) i hope for salvation. but my junkie provider is a good 20 minutes away. and so i wait. and so i yearn. an extra shot of espresso would suffice.

it's one of those days... a lazy saturday where my get up and go has already come and went.

what do we do when days like this rear their ugly heads? is it a red pill, blue pill kind of day? a choose your own adventure-type day? because as i see it right now, the day could go in either extreme direction.

the red pill of temptation tells me to go back to bed. waste the day. like a rusted wheel, stagnant and collecting dust.

but blue pill of reality says that if i lay around - the pain will only settle in...

lost journal entry: rooted in love

[journal entry from january 2010 - some of which was inspired while reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan]


(left side) holy spirit.
help me to see you. understand you. feel you. be empowered by you. pray to you. recognize you. remember you. love you. invite you. long for you. realize you.


the Holy Spirit: a gift from God.


(right side) rooted in love.
analogy of the H.S.
before the Holy Spirit, the ground is dirty, full of sludge. the Holy Spirit rains down and infiltrates the soil.
mixes with our waste, our manure.
the rain brings regeneration... fueling an unstoppable life force.
takes the tree from 'mere existence' to 'true, full life'.
new life is the result. (john 3:5-8)
("you can't change the fruit without changing the root")


underneath the surface, the roots 'drink up' and the Spirit flows.
as a result, the Spirit flows through - gives new life to the tree and brings green leaves.
what once just existed - is now living in color.
the Spirit gives life. (John 6:63)
the Spirit flows, mixes with the roots, flows into and mixes with the life blood; the heart.

the heart filters the Spirit of God through our roots (veins) which leads to an outward sign of life (green leaves/pure joy); an outward sign of Love.

[this journal entry inspired me to create the following video. the image i drew was inspired by a painting by Paige Medlock titled 'open heart surgery']


description of the above film
(so called) artist::tim beck
time lapse photographer::jen beck
©2010

this was our 1st attempt @ any sort of time lapse photography.
used Canon 7D - bulb 25 - 100 iso (i think)

we had some trouble with over-exposure - but this was our 1st attempt.

drawing was inspired and based on the painting 'open heart surgery' by paige medlock

i titled this 'Rooted in love'.
symbolism: where we are planted depends on what kind of fruit we will produce.
the holy spirit rains down upon us... giving life to our tree of life. the roots connect to the heart. the holy spirit's power, comfort and guidance infiltrates the roots or veins that go to the heart. the heart then pumps out a life blood that produces productive, vital, "life-to-the-full" fruit.

that fruit is love - and it can't help but manifest itself in us. the Holy Spirit pumps the love of Christ through our veins and gives us the ability to love God and love people.

lost journal entry: bleeding roots.

i've collected and filled (some partial, some entirely) a handful of journals over the years. most of the journals are used for brainstorming. lately, i've been looking through some of them. i figured i'd scan in and upload some entries and then blog about it.



bleeding roots.
[journal entry from july 11, 2009 while at the DCLA event in Washington]

the sun gives life to the seed that is planted.
the seed takes root.
once rooted, a new source brings growth.
the roots are watered - which brings growth.
the water is blood-like for the tree.
it is the nutrition that it needs to thrive and produce fruit.
the blood saturates the soil - giving life to all things...
making dead things alive again.

parallel:
light gives us life - shows us where true life takes place (deep within the soul). the light is of God - His Holy Spirit showing us the way to true life.
once seeds of faith are planted true growth only happens when one realizes and embraces the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross. His blood drips down the roots of our soul - infiltrating our entire state of being. it is at that point when our dead-to-sin-hearts are given new life.
that new life then allows our faith to grow and eventually bear fruit - which is the evidence of the faith (in Jesus) that anchors us - deep down within the roots of our soul. we may bend and sway from time to time - but our lifeblood is rooted in Christ - giving us a strong, firm foundation.

reign/rain. (lost journal entry from oct 31, 2008 - 2pm)

i've collected and filled (some partial, some entirely) a handful of journals over the years. most of the journals are used for brainstorming. lately, i've been looking through some of them. i figured i'd take a picture of some entries and then blog about it.

[the following journal entry was written while in the midst of 'worship' during a Youth Specialties training event in Pittsburgh in 2008]


worship music plays... it's praise... it's God centered.
i don't feel like raising my hands
my arms are crossed...am i wrestling with something?
what am i waiting on?

"God with us... mighty to save"

voices raised... not mine. contemplative and silent.
that is my voice right now.
'Blah' is the word to describe me.

foot begins to tap.

i think i need to express myself.

it's like i've discovered a poem written by hand in a book --
but it is not my own. i'm borrowing the words.
are they someone i know? are they psalms of David?

"You are God with us, you are victorious, you are strong and mighty to save.
for your word stands true -- there is none like you. and when all else fails you remain."

when all else fails... why do we wait until all else fails? stupid human nature waiting... not on God - but on all of the other options to fail.

same mistakes repeated.

dumb. stubborn. silly. full of ourselves. unable to be filled by God.

glass full of water.
add water of God and it spills on to the ground. wasted. not in us. we are full. of it. not Him.

no room for God. no room for God to reign.
also, then, no room for His love + grace to 'rain' down on us/in us. we are full. can't experience the filling of God's grace reigning + raining onto + into us and our soul.





[my scribbled notes - tucked into a free journal i received while attending this youth workers convention in 2008.]

the lost journal entries: question about worship

i've collected and filled (some partial, some entirely) a handful of journals over the years. most of the journals are used for brainstorming. lately, i've been looking through some of them. i figured i'd take a picture of some entries and then blog about it.

[from Nov. 18, 2006; general session three of National Youth Workers Convention in Cincinnati]

"When I close my eyes, the worship is like a musical." ~ Jen Beck

what prevents worship (at other times) from being dramatic? does worship need to be dramatic? no. but when worship is compelling to us - might it also be compelling to God?

The real dichotomy is this: does worship then become more about me and less about God?

i don't think that this morning's worship is self seeking. it is real and honest and difficult and like a painted picture that tells a story. the story is Jesus Christ. May he be glorified.

Ubi Caritas et Amor ~ Charity in Love

-----

So many different styles of worship. the "new" ways seem hard to grasp for many. are they that "new"? Why is worship such a struggle? is it possible to have a community of worshipers without boundaries or traditions or things that bind? things that hold us back?

where many gather, can there be silence?

the struggle within me is finding a place to create worship for self, others, young & old, youth, teenagers, etc... to gather and worship in ways beyond our current Sunday morning tradition. not that i desire to throw out traditions...i think traditions have value beyond what we even understand.

but some traditions or experiences have been forgotten. Acts 2?

God is with us. now. forever. do we recognize?

I need to be shown ways that God is with me. How he speaks to me. old ways are not bad ways. yet i feel compelled to think outside the box.

Psalm 21.

the lost journal entries: the demon possessed man

i rewrote the story of the Demon Possessed Man for a worship service last September on the theme of Brokenness. i scribbled it out on to a few journal pages first...








here is what it says:

the story about the Demon Possessed Man found in Mark ch. 5:1-20



I come from the region of the Gerasenes. I had been living in the tombs (with dead people)... i was in hiding. No one wanted to be around me. Some said i was crazy. They tried to chain me - but i'd always bust out. No one was strong enough to contain me.

Night and day i would cry out. i swear, i had these evil spirits in me. a whole group of them. i was out of control. i'd yell. scream. i even cut myself.

then, out of nowhere, this guy, Jesus shows up. when i saw him, i ran to him - fell at his feet.

"What do you want from me, Jesus?" "Don't torture me! Please Help me!!!"

i told Jesus my name was Legion.

There were abut 2000 pigs in a smelly field nearby.

These demons in me then begged Jesus "Send us to those pigs over there."

Then the evil spirits were cast out of me and into those pigs.

Then all of those pigs rushed down the hillside and into the lake and drowned. All of them.

Man was that pig farmer mad. the whole town was mad.

There i was, clothed and in my right mind, healed by Jesus.

The people - mad about the pigs - asked Jesus to leave. I wanted to leave with Him but he told me to go and preach to the people of Gerasenes.

I'm the demon possessed man and this is my story.

the lost journal entries:

i've collected and filled (some partial, some entirely) a handful of journals over the years. most of the journals are used for brainstorming. lately, i've been looking through some of them. i figured i'd take a picture of some entries and then blog about it. so this is thus the 1st of 'lost journal entry' posts.





this is what a few of my journals look like.
(click to enlarge)


i've always enjoyed doodling, abstract writing, brainstorming and dreaming. that is why the pen was invented... to bring imagination to the page.

sometimes (more often than not) the inspiration seems utterly useless. sometimes a hidden gem lies hidden on the page.







sometimes the words and drawings and scribbles are merely chaotic. somehow - i am able to comprehend it all. sometimes i forget what my original intent was. regardless, the chaos on the page, at times, has brought about something magical.






(click to enlarge)
this chaotic mess makes sense to me. it was an outline for a message i preached at a youth camp last summer. the title was 'free your mind'.

each of the boxes represents a segment of my talk. thus - the most unorthodoxed outline. there is nothing linear about it.

ironically, as chaotic as this journal entry is, my talk was about how to connect with God through the freeing of our mind - of stress, chaos and the busyness of life.






sometimes i just draw random things. they don't mean anything. they just are what they are.





(click to enlarge)

this are some random drawings of televisions. maybe there is some subliminal significance to these simple drawings. or not.














i think i may attempt to upload and post some more of my random lost journal entries.

stay tuned.