[Autumn] + Everything After

Ohio. a great state. but at times like this, the only thing that keeps me here is Ohio State football. I remember in 5th grade our student teacher was finishing up at Ohio State... in one of our spelling tests the bonus word was 'Buckeye'. I just happened to be wearing an Ohio State Buckeyes shirt that day. The teacher caught me trying to look down at my shirt so that I would spell Buckeye correctly. She wouldn't let me look down. To this day - i will never spell Buckeye wrong. I learned the hard way. Had i cheated, i may still not know how to correctly spell it.

but alas, what is the time like this that i referred to in line one of this post? it's our weather. We have gone from Summer right to winter. Autumn has been skipped over... forgotten like a red-headed step child at a rest stop along I-77. frankly, it blows (literally) outside. It's blustery, miserable, uncomfortable. No time for humans to adjust to climate change.

It snowed yesturday. what gives?

I hope it warms up before Saturday - as I am running in a 5k race. I speak this like it's a big deal. It's only 3.1 miles, but it's a big deal for me... It is a goal I've set and i want to accomplish it. in the past 5 weeks i've ran 50 miles. it feels good to be active. I'm not so sure how good it'll be to be active...outside... when it's 35 degrees... with a rain/snow mix smacking me in the face.

i have a lot more to write about... i will get to that later - when time allows... as for now - enjoy
Decoder Ring.

man, i'm glad i stumbled upon this band...

thanks to eMusic.

review of Fractions.

eclipse

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
Beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All thats to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

oops.

in the grand scheme of things are our mistakes and mishaps really worth all of the stress we place on ourselves after an 'oops' moment?

putting your elbow through a 139 million dollar Picasso and not getting stressed? priceless.

"It's just a picture."

disgrace, defeat...

Main Entry: disgrace
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French, from Old Italian disgrazia, from dis- (from Latin) + grazia grace, from Latin gratia -- more at GRACE
1 a : the condition of one fallen from grace or honor b : loss of grace, favor, or honor
2 : a source of shame disgrace> disgrace to the profession>

It made me sick to see what the University of Miami football team did yet again. Yeah, i know, Florida International had a hand in the melay that took place in the third quarter of their football game last Saturday night, but fighting is nothing new for the Hurricanes of Miami. The 'U' is nothing short of a stain on college sports. This is their third such altercation in a year. Who is running the program down there in South Florida? [watch fight here]. Yeah, so the two schools are cross-town rivals... sort of. Yeah - there was some smack talk, but when players come out using their helmets as weapons (one FIU player actually used his crutch to hit people) something drastic needs to be done.

At first it was just one game suspensions for players involved... now most of those suspentions have become indefinite. if i were President of U of M - i'd pull the football program off the field for the rest of the season. No excuse for such behavior. Sportsmanship is a lost art, apparently.














Main Entry: ²defeat
Function: noun
1 : frustration by nullification or by prevention of success defeat in the game>

i felt really bad for the Arizona Cardinals last night. I don't know why... it's not as though they are my favorite team or anything. But they have suffered such heartache for ages. The last two weeks has seen the Cards blow 14+ point leads only to lose the game in the 4th quarter. Last nights loss to the undefeated Bears was particularly painful as the Bears could only muster 3 points on offense, but 2 TD's on defense and 1 on special teams. Chicago scored two TD's in the last 5 minutes but Arizona had one last chance. Matt Leinart (who i think will turn out to be a star in the NFL) led the Cards down the field - and put his team in position to win the game on a 40 yard field goal... alas, the kick was missed... Bears win. The Cardinals have so much potential... but they need an Offensive line desparately.

Now we get to hear about how great the Bears are for two more weeks... they have a bye week coming up.

the Wound

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminder
Of every glove that laid him down
and cut him til he cried out
in his anger and his shame,
"I am leaving,
I am leaving,"
But the fighter still remains.
-Simon & Garfunkel
"The Boxer"


a man is known by his trade. but on the inside, that man knows himself by something else. the hidden wounds define him, sometimes overcome him. but in the end we are what we are. i think all men are fighters... boxers... with scars and hurts masked by strength and testosterone. but out beauty if found in our strength... our strength comes from our DNA, put there for a reason by God himself.

the Lord heals the brokenhearted... heals our wounds...

while arming me with strength as he makes my way perfect.

real strength comes through honesty and integrity... not through muscle or bravado.

observations from 27th & Cleveland

observations while waiting to get brake pads replaced on our Suzuki XL-7

What is it that makes a man feel inept if he doesn't know how to fix his car? i don't know enough about motor vehicles... well, i guess i know enough seeing that i know how to drive one. frankly, isn't that all i really need to know? on the news CNN is talking about Kim Jong Il. I bet he doesn't know how to fix his car. Why is it that every auto repair shop or brake shop or tire place has an old tv sitting on a bunch of boxes playing some news channel? what, is it assumed that people getting their brakes fixed don't like Dr. Phil?

I'll bet Dr. Phil has somebody else take his car to the brake shop. he probably stays back at the studio and sends hate mail to Oprah. not because he hates Oprah but because he loves hate mail.

There is a cobbler shop across the street. i know what your thinking... why is there a shop devoted to fruit desserts with thick crusts. not that kind of cobbler. not a clumsy worker shop either... who gets their shoes repaired these days? how much money does a cobbler make in a year? how does a cobbler make enough to pay his rent? many questions... i know.... not meant to be answered i'm afraid.

if i owned a carpet store i'd call it Carpet Diem.

as i look north down Cleveland avenue i see something you don't see everyday... A sweeper repair shop. who gets their sweeper repaired these days? what are the odds that a sweeper store is down the street from a shoe repair shop? does the sweeper repair shop sell brooms? what if the cobbler was a sloppy worker who repaired shoes and sold fruit desserts with a thick crust? why am i back to talking about the cobbler?

about a month ago i bought my first pair of non-Adidas athletic shoes in 15 years. my wife and i both have the Nike Air + shoes that can sync up with your iPod. in the past month i have ran almost 40 miles. i never ran much before this. my love for stats outweighs my love for Adidas - so i can justify such a purchase. The Nike + system tracks all of your running stats on line. Jen and i are training to run in a 5K on Sat. Oct. 28th. it's a little ironic that while sitting in the Midas brake shop that i thought about my shoes, seeing that the front axel brake shoes were being replaced. My car tracks how far it runs, too... just like the Nike Air +. who knew man and machine would come so close to being the same. i think i need to go watch the Matrix Revolutions.

$205 lighter and 2 and a half hours later... i'm out.













enjoying Boards of Canada at this moment.

new look

i hope you like it.

i wasted a whole evening working on it.

Friday Night Lights

tonite i watched the movie Friday Night Lights again... it was on Encore... i had to watch it...

Each time i watch it i always have this hidden desire deep within that Panther QB Mike Winchell will make it into the end zone for the winning score on the last play of the game...













one yard short... every time...

there is nothing that compares to High School football... Texas... Ohio... Pennsyvania... high school football is king in those parts...

Friday Night Lights
one of my favorite books...
one of my favorite movies...
now one of my favorite tv shows

i want to live...

in this house.

what the world thinks...

just because a minute few so-called 'Christians' act a fool doesn't mean we all are fools...

not dark yet (but it's getting there)

Shadows are falling and I've been here all day
It's too hot to sleep time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal
There's not even room enough to be anywhere
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

people are really hurting.
what makes a man do the things he does?
killing the innocent. taking lives... by what right?
why death?

tormented by pain or memories or guilt?
cuts are deep...

why do we not notice? how can things be so hidden from us?
after all we are all walking wounded... we all desire healing...

are we just looking the other way... staring at the ground to avoid eye contact?
'hi, how are you's' that have no depth... focused on what to say next, rather than listening... truly listening...

mankind is sick. maybe the reality is that we can't fix everybody.

mending can really only come from above.

how can my witness help others experience Christ? maybe honesty... more, brutal honesty is needed. maybe we shouldn't be so content... maybe we 'christians' should be less concerned with who'll win the next election and more concerned about boldly preaching Christ.

people are dying... some are still technically living but you know what i mean... their hands are at their sides and then there is Jesus - stretching out his hands of love... from the cross... from above... are we just not honest enough to tell them where to look to find the embrace of heaven?

i don't know... my heart is full of sorrow... people are dying and taking others with them because of hurt. when will it end?

looking for the baby in the cake

if you want to feel inspired sometimes you have to search, dig, root + till the earth. if you don't have a tractor, rake or shovel - this can be a difficult task.

in mid august i was on a plain... a high plain of imagination, inspiration, innovation. good things come in threes but after the music fades how long must one wait until either the reaper or the keeper returns?

in the time since the music of creativity that spins out of control in my brain faded. i was at peace. i was relaxed. that is the real reason why my blogging ceased. it was as if the reaper came and took away thought process in one fail swoop. but i did not mind. i needed a time of nothing. the relaxation experienced for one week in September was the most refreshing time for me ever. i came back to my reality relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated. but in the time since - it has been a struggle to get the juices of creativity flowing... from mind to pen or keyboard or mouse.

and so with that God allowed me to be at my best... through it all, God pulled me up and placed me back on the plain. i was forced to rely on Him. in the past month - i have kicked off another year as Director of Youth Ministries... year 8 is underway and it is so fresh and so clean... it would put OutKast to shame. our ministry is more hands on this year... sub themes of contemplation, creativity and relationship building are on the forefront... embraced (thus far) by one and all. to God be the glory. we've already had intense study, discussion and challenge... and God is teaching me a new way... a month in to this, i am now realizing that God is teaching me a new way... a new way to be human, perhaps. i even preached last week and the words came... God provided... i was responsible enough to also notice the few, minute lapses... moments where the congregation would not notice - but where i noticed... places where i had under-prepared... under-studied... and in that moment - while preaching, God said "get in the word!" none the less, this new way of seeing things can only be attributed to God... and much of it can be traced back to that peak time of creative genius back in August.

so here i am today... trying to get back to my creative self. wanting to be inspired... wanting to be shown more and more 'new' things. and so i dig. it's time to get my hands dirty again.

it's time in my life to begin new habits. allow me to be blunt... a need to form a habit of 'digesting the Word'.

i need to live it, breathe it, eat it. i am clamoring for the scriptures to become alive again in me. this is the one instance in which a lack of digestion of the word will leave one with nothing but indigestion in the soul. i've had an upset stomach for a while now (figuratively) and only the Holy, living word of God will satisfy. [thank you to many - including my friend Eli for helping me to realize this].

they say it takes 21 days to make something a habit. less than 3 weeks ago, my wife and i joined the YMCA... since then - we have already made it a habit of running... at least 4 times a week. in the past 19 days i've ran 24 miles... (my wife has run 27 miles) it didn't take long for me to make running a habit. i am ready for the Word to become habit. i am ready for creativity to overcome my state of being.

there is a Mardi Gras tradition of baking a King Cake (a cake with a toy baby inside.) when cake is served, the person who gets the baby in their piece of cake is crowned king or queen and is honored with the ability to host next year's party. my friends, this life... this path that we are on... this journey is all about being crowned King or Queen... only our reward is a heavenly party that can not be topped. we are all searching, digging longing to find that which elevates our hearts and minds. some are tempted to stop...others are enlightened to keep on keepin' on.

i have a dream... a dream for me, a dream for us. let the kingdom come. let the inspiration come. let the witnesses of all things heavenly unite to tell the story of Christ in new, creative, fresh, innovative, imaginative ways. may we put pen to paper, brush to the canvas, fingers to the keyboard... may the breathe of God inhabit His people. may the lost be found... may the fallen be lifted... are you ready for the journey?




enjoy Chiddingstone.
i'm back.

THE 10: reasons why i haven't blogged but 4 times in last 2 months

10. the blogging portion in my frontal loab is on hiatus.
9. i joined the Y and took up running.
8. i rented Season One of Grey's Anatomy and my wife and i were hooked - leading to a 10 day span of nothing but Grey's (season one + season 2 = 36 episodes) just in time for the season premiere of season 3.
7. i'm Lost.
6. my wife made an apple pie.
5. i decided to have a mid-life crisis for the sole purpose of justifying a purchase of a Hummer H3 (because i saw one in the mall). said mid-life crisis gave way to a weekend binge on nothing but Subway leading to my future disdain for Jarrod. He's a liar... no one can eat Subway for every meal. this has nothing to do with blogging. i am grasping at straws.
4. there is a new sheriff in town and his name is El Polio Loco.
3. the calendar on my desk still says August 28th?
2. i got nothin'
1. contemplation has temporarily escaped me... i am striving to retrieve it... stay tuned.

enjoy hair..

THE 10: things i've learned this week

10. there is never enough time in a day to do the things one would like to do.
9. the crib seems no longer suitable in the eyes of my 15 month old daughter. if she could speak in full sentences - i am quite certain she would tell us that she would rather have a queen sized bed.
8. my friend Bryan is a whimsical genius of dry humor. one can only hope Costa Rica will understand.
7. sometimes words seem like they should have an 's' instead of a 'c'. i've given up caring which should be which. is it sentense or sentence? defence or defense?
6. Grey's Anatomy is addicting. We rented season 1 from the library after my wife decided Sunday nite that we were gonna start watching said show this season. we watched all 9 episodes in 2 days... she's gonna get season 2 today... so we have to watch 27 episodes before next Thursday @ 9pm.
5. Joining the YMCA is a good thing for me, us, you, pedro.
4. it can be quite a fearful thing to try out a new piece of equipment in the fitness room at the Y... especially with other people in the room. Thankfully - the treadmill was nice to me... except at the beginning - i chose to do a Cardio workout and it wouldn't let me get my heart rate above 118.... therefore limiting me to a brisk walking pace. it must have thought i was a 90 year old man or something. after about 5 minutes i figured out how to manually use the machine. i ran 2 miles... felt good... but it was weird getting off the thing. i guess your supposed to press STOP... not just jump off... (i kid, i kid).
3. with Micah starting pre-school this week combined with our new membership at ye ole YMCA - it is certain that we are going to have to meet new people. it is so much easier to just say 'Hi' and look at the ground.
2. addendum: it is certain that i will also be forced to see people i went to High School with... oh how the awkward stages of adolescence is flooding back into my soul. i hope i don't get picked last for dodge ball.
1. the ashamed feeling is starting to go away. i purchased my first pair of non-Adidas athletic shoes in 16 years. the guilt is fading... only because my new Nike Air Plus shoes are so comfortable to run in... Thankfully only the Treadmill will even know that i have abandoned my passion of only wearing Adidas shoes forever. No one else will ever know... shhh... don't tell.

...remember...

i remember eating breakfast at Cracker Barrell. We were celebrating a co-workers birthday. The waitress came out, shaking as she added water to my glass. "A plane just hit the world trade center." 'What building is the World Trade Center?', i thought to myself... i knew of the building but at the moment, i couldn't picture it.

on the way home, we turned on the radio... ABC news and Peter Jennings reported... as we drove out of the parking lot, the radio waves sent sounds of a great rumble. WTC #2 had just collapsed. we rushed to get home. my dad came inside with me imediately. we turned on the TV just in time to see Tower #1 fall.

i tried to go to work that afternoon, but not much was ackomplished... things seemed so trivial in light of the events in NYC, Washington DC & Shanksville, PA.

i will never forget...

roots.

summer/simplicity

get lost.

not dark yet.

due to unforseen circumstances (some forseen - i.e. vacation) i have not been blogging as of late.

point of interest:
1. Linksys wireless routers (specifically the WRT54G model) blow.
2. The itch is back... no - i am not talking about some sort of fungus that has invaded my skin... i am talking about the GOLFING itch. it's back. i want to golf every day.
3. my wife is now officially a photographer. I am so very proud of her!
4. I want my summer back... please.

as soon as we get back online and networked, i will blog.

as for now:

enjoy the genius that is Bob Dylan. able to reinvent himself and remain relevant.

taking a moment

while reading Mark Yaconelli's book Contemplative Youth Ministry i was driven to spend a few moments in quiet... to become aware of surroundings... the colros, shapes & smells... to listen to the noises that surround my ears... to gently direct my attention toward God... so quietly i turned my awareness to the presense of God within all that i was able to see, hear and feel.

Without forcing anything - I spent just a few moments trying, as the book promted, to open up to the Divine Love within the reality of the moment.

As i was sitting there - resting... feeling a needed moment of rest, my eyes closed. As i was trying to 'take in' God my mind began to picture images... the images were scenes from a hospital... with those images the word RISK appeared in my mind.

My ears began to focus on the words of the music: my iPod was on shuffle. the song of the moment: Muse - Unintended from the album Showbiz.

The lyrics to the song began to resonate within me. was it a coinsidence that this song was playing? probably not.

Here were the lyrics that i heard (yes - i looked them up afterword):

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


Before you


Yeah, i am sure that this song is about a girl... but i couldn't help see the corelation between our relationships with other humans and our relationship with God.

don't we always feel like we need to get our life in order before we go to God? don't we feel like we have to fix ourselves first - and yet, God and God alone is the only one capable of fixing us, mere broken vessels with broken hearts that can only be mended by the Maker and giver of love eternal?

Shouldn't God be the one we'll always love? and even if we resist him He loves us still. Unconditional.

that is where Risk comes in to play. it takes risk for us to be fixed... because we become used to the pain... to the point that the pain gives us security... it's a trap... a deception...

were my images of a hospital tied to the word 'Risk' and the lyrics to that Muse song?

whatever it is or was - it makes me believe all the more that God can and will use any means to speak to us... He'll do anything to get our attention so that we may feel and experience his love. i think that this is all about LOVE!

"I love you without condition. come to me. my arms are open. a hospital can not fix you... I can! I can heal you. I can comfort you. It may seem like a Risk for you to trust in me... for you to see my Love for you... Believe it or not, I understand Risk. My son, i placed him up on the altar as a human sacrifice - so that you may get to know me... so that you may have life. fullness. happiness. joy. know this: my Love for you is more beautiful than anything in this created world. Don't resist..."
- God



Thank you, Mark Yaconelli, for this activity.

THE 10: things to do before your number is up

10. Travel on old Route 66, stopping along the way to photograph your journey.
9. Go to an old movie house / Palace-type theatre. (you know, the one's with a pipe organ, a 'moving' starry ceiling and lots of gargoyles). Take in a foreign film there.
8. Own at least one Beatles album or CD.
7. Buy a record player. Go to a used record store. Raid the 10 cent bin. Spend at least one Saturday morning chilling out, listening to your finds.
6. Stay up all nite driving around... with no destination in mind.
5. Create something. Build it. Draw it. Paint it. Write it. Make it... whatever... just create... be creative (that's part of your DNA, you know). Express yourself through your own creativity.
4. Read through the Bible.
3. Listen to Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys. Embrace the genius of Brian Wilson.
2. Spend 24 hours in total silence. Journal every thought that ye are able to write.
1. Sell all of your possessions and be free.

what has God done for me?

a few weeks ago i was privilaged enough to lead a group of teens on a mission trip to Northwest Ohio for a week of Christ-like service. you may be asking - 'why go on a mission trip to Sandusky, Ohio?' why not go to New Orleans or the Congo or to some inner city or appalatian community? i don't know - but i guess now in hindsight i could say that i know for certain that we were sent there for a reason.

I Will Go Where You Send Me.

We worked in a soup kitchen for the week (among other things). it was at this place where God spoke to me - or maybe it would be better to say that God showed me things... words weren't necessary. i got the message. the message was love. the message was food. the message was hope. the message was 'what you do to the least of these, you do to me.'

not once during the week, while working there was a voiced raised in disagreement. not once was there a sense of disunity. it was as if all evil was rebuked and disposed of outside the front door on the warm Sandusky concrete.

i think i learned what it means to be blessed by God... i think i learned what it means to have God at the center of everything...

i had a chance to talk to Pastor Lonnie - the man who founded the Victory Soup Kitchen. His church was meeting in a YMCA for a number of years... before building a church facilitY, they purchased a house and renovated it - turning it in to the soup kitchen. amid resistence - they perservered. early on, while sitting with a homeless man who was being fed @ the soup kitchen, Pastor Lonnie was nearly stumped by a question posed to him by the hard-pressed man who looked him straight in the eye. "What has God ever done for me?" the man asked Pastor. While searching for the right words and not finding them, Pastor Lonnie shared with me that before his feeble attempts to formulate a response would come to fruition 7 words came out of his mouth - as if the Holy Spirit had spoke them: "He's feeding you this meal. isn't he?"

The Lord God takes care of his creation... of his people. The birds of the air need not worry about tomorrow.

God provides. Abide in him.

My perspective has now changed a bit. I can only hope that i will begin to see all the ways God has provided for my needs... I strive to give Him all the glory... i strive to let my pride fall down daily.

And yet as i write this i am reminded that the Lord has placed within me something deep...deeper than this revelation... something that i do not yet comprehend... but i know it is in me... and i know it is from Him...

patience...



Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
PSALM 34

firefly

Firefly
(Bergquist/Detweiler)
recording: Drunkard's Prayer












My memory will not fail me now

Mmm firefly in the night sky
Only lights on the rise
And I need you so firefly

One satellite with a lazy eye
Caught me by surprise
With an ache in my belly
And a taste in my mouth for fire

My memory will not fail me now

Mmm firefly in the night sky
Only lights on the rise
After the killing frost
Where do you go
Firefly

My memory will not fail me now
And the rest is history

what]cha[waitin[for]

random jawbrockery.101.






listening to: Q: Best Of 86/06 (14 classic tracks covered by 14 essential artists)

just watched: Eight Men Out

wikipedia moment: researching the historical accuracy of the HBO series Deadwood [and finding other info HERE].

contemplation: in the wake of the death of a friend from my church - death has been on my mind.

reading: Ecclesiastes

further contemplation: everything is meaninless

signs and wonders: watching a child enjoy the summer sun, playing in the grass, stomping on weeds and swimming in the pool.

thinking about: buzzing my hair

enjoying: afternoon cat-naps

game of choice: EA Sports NFL Head Coach (pretending to be Bill Cowher)

if i had more time: i'd learn the ins and outs of my new Mac.

mindless confabulation: about what it's like to live in Ohio during the month of July.

reflection: the past 6 weeks entailing an extended weekend away, the firing of two co-workers, time spent @ annual conference for the East Ohio Conference of the United Methodist Church, my week at the CYF youth camp, figuring out what to do with the vision God has laid before me, giving thanks for a wonderful week long mission trip to Sandusky and surrounding parts.

wishing: upon a star

hoping: to learn what it means to be on a budget

dreaming: of vacation

still dreaming: of more vacation

loving: my wife - cuz she is hot.

procrastinating: because it's a lost art.

OUT.

It's Been A While

wow.
it.s been. a, month.

i have been home only for about a week out of the past 30 days.

home again, i am.

maybe something interesting will emerge from my feeble mind.

if it does... i will teel you.

*

a dream is a wish your heart makes...

when i was in 5th grade, i sang a duet of the songA DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES with some girl whom i don't remember. until a few moments ago, i wouldn;t have been able to even tell you what Disney movie that song came from... but i googled the lyrics....



from Cinderella:

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

i have faith in dreams... no matter how much my heart grieves. i have faith that God is with me - granting me the desires of my heart - so long as i follow & seek Him. i have faith that if he doesn't grant the desire of my heart then he will change said desire.

it's not a dichotomy. it's a reality that i've seen played out in my own life. 7 years ago a dream began to creep into my humbled heart. my vision shifted and God placed me here - at this very spot - at this very moment - for a reason. this is not some random happenstance. God is bigger than happenstance.

and so here i am, a man, now 32 years of age, discovering what it means to trust in Jesus... learning all over again what it means to Follow Christ. man, am i dry right now... i am parched... my thirst can only be quenched by Jesus... i am coming to the waters - but it is hard not to drink out of my own canteen. i see a beautiful steam, a babbling brook, flowing with eternal waters. i need a drink. i need to be reminded to drink.

as i approach the waters edge, dreams long forgotten have crept back into my very soul. At the heart of it all, the heart of me, lies a yearning for the creative. that desire to create is stronger than it's been in years.

Am i daring enough to drink my fill from the water sprnging forth from the everlasting? do i dare venture into the unknown, hand in hand with Christ?

desire is more than a song by U2. dreams are bigger than any Cinderella song.

God provides. God asks of me: do you trust me? truly? trust me... walk with me... see what i have laid out before you... come on in, the water is fine.

---

i am realizing that i don't have to be the savior of a wretched situation. my goals, my dreams, my visions of yore do not have to superceed my current divine placement. maybe my goals and dreams are more connected than i've realized...






expression is a beautiful thing...
{lest we forget}

ffw

A New Toy to Salivate Over

the iDJ2

{i want this!}

THE TEN: 200th Post

TEN: REVALATIONS AS I POST MY 200TH...
10. My 3 yr. old's new favorite song is Coldplay's Politik
9. My Laser Quest rank for tonite (out of 32 players): 13th, 2nd, 3rd
8. Iniviting people over to the house makes for a good excuse to get the house cleaned.
7. If I had my druthers I'd wear shorts and sandles every day from here until Labor Day.
6. My wife is a good photographer... mostly self taught. I love it - 'cuz I'm a big fan of creative expression.
5. Running is second to walking with the family. I've been trying to run 3 times a week... only about a mile and a 1/4th each time... but it's something... but walks with the fam, with Micah pulling Addison in the wagon... that is priceless.
4. iPod's are neat and fun and addicting and fun and joyful and the best thing since bread sliced.
3. Spring rain isn't all that bad... it makes you appreciate the sunny days all the more.
2. If i were a machine, i would like to be a printing press... or a Wal Mart... because you never know what'll come through the doors at a Wal Mart - which would make for an exciting life as a machine. It'd be fresh anyway.
1. 200 is a nice round number. if there were no numbers and words had to have double meaning (word meaning and number meaning) the word Zoo would be the equivilant of the number 200. 1 would be an "l" while 3 would be an E. the real tragedy would be that the number 8 would have to be a colon surrounded by parenthesis (:)

i have a unique ability to be random.



enjoy String Cheese.

le arte de finale season

It's May... Particularly the 3rd week of may - which means it's Season Finale time... so far similar patterns perfected in years of yore have played out before us. Cliffhangers involving shootouts, runs from the law, terrorist plots and love triangles are there for the viewing... spoon fed to us as if we were stricken ill with no ability to feed ourselves.

none the less, I love may sweeps. A simple look to the left side of this blog and you'll see my unashamed love for all things television. Again, I've said this before I feel it to be my right to love and adore TV... as I have a degree in Broadcast Communications. So that's my excuse.

in the past week, Aras has won Survivor, T-bag got his hand chopped off in Prison Break as the escaped convicts made the run away from John Law, and a shootout in the ER left us hanging... waiting until September to find out the truth that lies beyond and beneath.

Next week, finales of 24 & Lost will be sure to entertain. Answers to questions promised, of course...

The New York Times has an article dealing with this very topic... It's a good read... give it your time.



Before I close - I must say - the finale of ER last night has stuck with me. [summary here]
This season probably hasn't been ER's best... and I've seen every episode of every season... but there were some episodes that were above par - making it still worth my time. Last nights finale was one of the best in a long while. It concluded with a dramatic climax involving a shootout, convicts on the run, a doctor held hostage and another pregnant doctor who may or may not loose the baby. Yeah - sounds far fetched... (my father in law's reasons for not watching, by the way) but it worked. Episode 267 ended as Snow Patrol's Open Your Eyes played... an amazing song that builds and builds until an epic sonic climax, and a deeply affecting cut to the heart. It was a great conclusion to a great episode... and now I can't stop listening to the song...

Finishing a Book

if you knew me, really knew me, you'd know that me and books don't get along. the books just tend to stare right up at me, mocking me all the while i attempt to read them. books are bountiful in my office and they have found refuge and comfort on my shelves. i have many. not many of them really know me though nor do i know them.

i don't mind reading actually. i am a slow reader but no harm there. my sister is a fast reader. She would often read through a the latest Stephen King novel in one night.

i generally enjoy reading autobiographies. i remember enjoying reading Iron Horse, the autobiography of Lou Gehrig. i've read stuff about the old west, too. After the popularity of the movie Tombstone i was compelled to read a few books about Wyatt Earp. One of my favorite books that i've read was a book about Rich Mullins (An Arrow Pointing Towards Heaven). it took me almost two years to read it.

i have read other books since then, mostly books realated to youth ministry and the like.

i set a goal this FEB. to read some books. i used some of my birthday money to buy Friday Night Lights by H.G. Bissinger and The Autobiography of Johnny Cash.

in the mean time i had purchased a book called Practitioners - voices from within the Emerging Church

well last week a monumental thing happened for me: I finished the Practitioners book (in less than a month) and i finished Friday Night Lights. i plan on blogging more about said books. but for the moment i just want to rejoice.

there is nothing like that feeling of finishing a book. it is a grand acomplishment... something that should be rewarded in some way. if i were an elementary school child, my teacher would be giving me a gift certificate to Pizza Hut or something.

i guess you know when you've finished a good book... when that book leaves you wanting more...

i am full right now... and thankful for books.

enough already

Tom Cruise just needs to go away...

i think the mother ship is calling you home.

Ten Years Gone.

May 5, 1996. 10 years ago today. A day that is more monumental than I would like to think. It was possibly more monumental than I cared to think at the time as well. It was a rite of passage... a change bound to come. 10 years ago on this day I graduated from Asbury College with a BA in Media Communications.

GREAT THINGS FROM THE PAST 10 YEARS (off the top of my head...)

10 MONUMENTAL ALBUMS:
Radiohead - Kid A
Radiohead - OK Computer
David Crowder*Band - A Collision (or 3+4=7)
Underworld - Second Toughest in the Infants
U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
Derek Webb - She Must & Shall Go Free
Sigur Ros - ( )
Over the Rhine - The Darkest Night of the Year
Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
Patty Griffin - Making Pies

10 MONUMENTAL FILMS
Trainspotting
Sling Blade
Million Dollar Baby
Amelie
Fight Club
Almost Famous
American History X
O Brother Where Art Thou?
Life is Beautiful
Swingers


10 MONUMENTAL MOMENTS
-Getting married and finding my soul mate
-Having kids who I love and adore
-Going on vacations with my family and sharing in adventures with them
-working with CYF Camp
-Finding a job that I love
-Shaking hands with Paul Crouch (o.k. - i am kidding)
-Ohio State's 2002 National Championship in college football & Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl XL victory & watching the Indians beat the Yankees in the '97 ALDS
-Seeing U2 in concert twice
-Working in Atlanta for the 1996 Olympic Games
-Buying my first car and shortly after moving out of my parents house




10 years lived. 10 years loved. little regret. lots of promise. thanks to God for blessings and opportunities. His sustaining power has been present - even through the difficulties.

cheese: redux

my friend Bryan wrote this little diddy about macoroni and cheese.

check it


word.

cheeses of nazareth

Charles de Gaulle once asked "how can you govern a country in which there are 246 kinds of cheese?"<sup>[1]

i have often asked that same question metephorically of course. i mean - i didn't even know that there were 246 different kinds of cheese. i've heard of the usuals: mozerella, cheddar, colby jack & velvetta. i know that the Beastie Boys once said "like sharp cheddar, my rhymes are better." i know that a college friend of mine once said that he liked cheese more than girls. i know that we called him guoda pits because his white t-shirts had pit stains.

there is definately something powerful about cheese. it is powerful. you put a cube of cheese in front of a man and i dare him to eat just one. cheese is like that addictive passion food disguised as a nutriant that mankind thinks must be added to any and all foods to make said food taste better. i mean what can't cheese be added to? what meal is cheese-vacant?

Breakfast>? how 'bout some cheese in that omlette with a cheese danish on the side.
Lunch>? grilled cheese sounds nice. (my son calls it gorilla cheese).
Super size me food>? cheeseburger? check. cheesy fries? check. nachos and cheese? check. taco with shredded cheese? dobule check.
hors doeuvres>? cheese and crackers.
dinner>? angel hair pasta with parmisian cheese. matter of fact, anything italian must have cheese in it.
dessert>? cheesecake with strawberries.

cheese rules over us like the Lord rules over the earth - only in more subtle ways than even God himself. i've never met a man who didn't believe in the obvious: cheese is good. so is Jesus... only people are stupid and neglect to give him props. i guess he'd be cool in the gang if he had turned goats milk into swiss cheese instead of water into wine. although i hear cheese and wine go good together... too.

and how 'bout dipping things into cheese? what is more fun than that? especially in the comfort of your own home - were double dipping is status quo.

cheese... the other white meat... the manifesto of food connesours world wide.

i hear Sadaam is lactose intolerant. shame... if only he were able to stomach cheese and all of its goodness... Iraq would no doubt be a place of peace and harmony. oh... the power of cheese.</sup>

1. ^ Quoted in Newsweek, October 1, 1962 according to The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations (Columbia University Press, 1993 ISBN 0-2310719-4-9 p 345). Numbers besides 246 are often cited in very similar quotes; whether these are misquotes or whether de Gaulle repeated the same quote with different numbers is unclear.

important things to say

it has come to my attention that on occasion i may not have anything important to say. maybe it is because my mind is numb. maybe it is because my body is tired. maybe it is because i've had eggs for dinner two nights in a row. or maybe i do have important things to say - but i choose not to say them. but i guess if i can share with you about my life and the music i listen to, tv shows i view and eggs i eat then maybe i can spew forth important stuff once in a while.

i think the important stuff is all relative anyway. like yesturday, i suffered through the first hour of the movie The Big Kahuna (starring Danny DiVito, Kevin Spacey and this Peter Facinelli guy)... i was bored... feeling like my time had been wasted... then the final 30 minutes happened. here was a movie about 3 guys - trying to sell industrial lubricants (otherwise known as Grease) at a trade convention who spend most of their time in a hotel suite talking. i mean the entire movie takes place in one room. boring, right? yeah... except then it hit me... these men were talking... TALKING? yeah, talking. not about eggs but it could have been. at various points of dialogue, the topic of religion came up. so check this, newbie Bob (Peter Facinelli), during the meet and greet with executives, spends his time talking to this one guy about dogs... dogs, i said. it turns out that this executive who loves dogs is the big wig that Larry & Phil (Spacey & DiVito) were trying to make a sale with. So it is up to Bob to meet up with this guy later - with hopes of making the sale. Bob goes meets and talks to said guy not about industiral lubricant, not about dogs, even. he talks to him about Jesus.

now here's the real dicotomy. Bob returns. Larry gets upset that he didn't make the sale - Bob stands by his own convictions, though. Admirable as it may be, Larry points out that a sale was made - but the sale wasn't grease, it was Jesus. Was Bob being genuine. probably. Did he see that what he did was quite possibly a sales pitch? no. Was it a sales pitch? well that is the question that has me in a quandry.

before i go any further - let me point out this: the fact that i am discussing this (even if only with myself) is good. Discussions are important. communication is key.

so here's my question: how genuine am i if and when i talk about Jesus to others - say others who i may not have a relationship with? is it just a sales pitch? at the end of the movie, after Bob & Larry (not the Veggie Tales guys) have finished a heated discussion in ugliness, Phil (DiVito) pulls Bob aside and talks to him... he said something profound... "If you truly want to get to know someone... ask him about his kids. Ask him about his life.... his goals... his dreams..."

Maybe that aspect is a forgotten aspect of the faith these days. Do we care about the ones we attempt to reach out to? i mean do we truly care? are we willing to take the time to get to know them? i am a big proponant of what i'd call RELATIONAL EVANGELISM. Bringing others to Christ through relationship with them. Through that relationship they can then see rigth into the heart of who i am... my genuineness (or lack there of) laid out bare in front of them... if they see me - truly see me - then they will see Christ...

but the question still lingers inside of me: is there an inapropriate way to bring Jesus to others? if it is just a means to an end? i don't know... i am still searching...

i guess important things are there to be said... each of us has something important to say... somethimes it takes communication about eggs or football or life in general to get them to come out into the freedom of space that inhabits our eyes and ears and hearts and minds.

---

thoughts shared while listening to:
The Chemical Brothers - Dig Your Own Hole

---



more on MEANS TO AN END. (essays and what not...)

Why the "Means to the end" is more important than the end?

Does The End Justify The Means?

a great day: Saturday.

Saturday is the NFL draft. for some reason, for me the NFL draft is one of the three most anticipated sporting events that i look forward to yearly.

1. The Super Bowl
2. NCAA Basketball tournament
3. NFL Draft

I don't know why i look forward to it with such glee. i have had Apr. 29th marked on my calendar for a while now. The first round generally takes over 4 hours... yet i sit there and watch every minute of it.

Call me crazy... call me a fan... just don't call me during the draft... i'll be busy...

bump

Charlie X was beginning to freak me out... those eyes - it's as if he was always starring at me.


FYI:

i am left handed. many famous people were also left handed.

i really have nothing else to say right now.





goodbye Charlie X.

Charlie X

last nite, while flippantly flipping channels i stumbled across an ond Star Trek episode feature one Charlie X. now, i, myself, am no Star Trek buff or "Trekkie" - but i remember vividly Charlie X.

you see 14 years ago, during my freshman year at Asbury College, my roommate and i, bored one evening, huddled around my 9 inch black and white television to watch an episode of Star Trek... one of my roommate Steve's favorite shows.

it was the infamous Charlie X episode... i have never forgotten Charlie X.

why am i telling you this? i don't know? why does anybody share anything on a blog...

TEN: things to do with the 24 hour stomach flu

10. misplace one's lunch
9. not read
8. lay uncomfortable in a bed
7. sip Ginger Ale, not Sprite
6. get caught up on TV shows missed via the magic of the DVR
5. bake brownies
4. watch Wayne's World on HBO... wonder what made it so magical 14 years ago...
3. pretend you're alive
2. attempt to descipher what each stomach growl really means
1. saltines anyone?

thank you. you've been great. goodnight cleveland.


enjoy MERRIAM-WEBSTER

The Village

while reading the book PRACTITIONERS: Voices from within the Emerging Church this weekend, I was spurred on to view M. Night Shaymalan's The Village. On Easter night, we watched it. I know that a lot of people did not like the movie, I, for one, was not one of them. I enjoyed it. It is not a supsence movie, nor would I say a 'thriller' either. as someone from IMDB said regarding the film: "Brilliantly nuanced, subtle, smart, and expertly played..."




my reaction after viewing THE VILLAGE
What comes to mind?
What or where is my village?
To me, the Village is SAFETY, INNOCENCE, THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE, with HIDDEN SECRETS not forgotten, but ignored.
The Village is avoiding reality. avoiding a "sinful world", thus avoiding the chances to be salt & light.
The Village is taking the easy way out - for the sake of genuine thought that life is supposed to be lived that way.
in the village those with eyes cower in fear and those who have not fear not. The blind see and do and dream and colorize that which is gray.

"how the blind risk, how the blind see love,
how they live beyond fear, and reach
out their hands to succumb to trust..."*

those of us with eyes - are we not seeing? do we not trust?
we stay confined to our village of safety at what gain? at what cost?
We think and feel we are genuinely doing what is right.
no harm in that. but are we missing a kaleidoscope of opportunity?

in Mark 8:22-26 Jesus heals a blind man...

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?"
He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around."
Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. Jesus sent him home, saying, "Don't go into the village"

Jesus took the man outside of the village. Why?
He asekd "do you see anything?" ANYTHING? a blind man - his sight now restored - what does he see? PEOPLE!
then there is us... the ones with sight.. what do we see? are our eyes and minds numb to that which is around us? PEOPLE! we walk in shopping malls and on sidewalks and we look away or down at the ground. We do not see anything. because seeing makes us uncomfortable.

Jesus took the blind man outside of the sounds and smells of his village... his familiarity... his saftey (even in his blindness). maybe the heartbeat of God and the love of God can only truly be seen when we are outside of our safety zone... a zone that is all too familiar. all to comfortable. so comfortable that our eyes do not see anything at all.

The blind take risks because they have nothing to lose... they are already blind... what will we do? the blind have true faith... and know what it means to trust.
God, may there be a lesson in this for us... for me... for everyone.


*Greg Russinger from the book Practitioners

a day is like a thousand pictures

april 10th, 2006. photography. finding images. being creative.

Thinking Back

ELBOW - scattered black & whites

Been climbing trees I've skinned my knees
My hands are black the sun is going down
She scruffs my hair in the kitchen steam
She's listening to the dream I weaved today
Crosswords through the bathroom door
While someone sings the theme-tune to the news
And my sister buzzes through the room leaving perfume in the air
And that's what triggered this.
I come back here from time to time
I shelter here some days.

A high-back chair. He sits and stares
A thousand yards and whistles
Marching-band (Boom-ching)
Kneeling by and speaking up
He reaches out and I take a
Massive hand. Disjointed tales
That flit between short trousers
And a full dress uniform
And he talks of people ten years
Gone like I've known them all my life
Like scattered black 'n' whites….

1966

i wasn't born yet in 1966. i imagine life was simple then. i imagine it was much the same as today only without portable phones and iPods.

i imagine that teenagers rebeled. they probably chewed lots of gum.

i imagine that there were nerds and dorks and lots of people probably wore glasses with thick black rims. what a wonder contacts are to the world of today.

there were probably a lot more convertable cars. i don't know why, but it seems like a lot of old cars were convertables.

i imagine gasoline was cheap. and Coke came in a bottle. life was probably a lot cooler becuase life was retro before it knew it was retro.

WICR, 88.7, the school radio station of the University of Indianapolis probably played Elvis and the Beatles & Simon & Garfunkel & Bob Dylan. or maybe they played Jazz like they do today.

life was filled with adventure, i am sure. drag racing or toga parties or performing science experiments that would change history were probably the norm.

hamburgers no doubt tasted better. i mean they were new. pizza was probably better too. mom and pop diners ruled while chain restaraunts were relatively new. milkshakes were most definately served with the big metal tin next to the glass.

life was better because hind sight is 20/20. and even though i wasn't there i wish i was. for no other reason than to be around, living in a different culture - to experience what it was like to hear the sounds of rock and roll first. to eat and smell a hamburger on the grill first. to ride with the top down on my way to school, with my pants pegged and my hair greased back.


o.k. so i may be mixing decades but it doesn't matter. i wasn;t there so what do i know?

life was simpler - but if i were there i am sure i would believe it to be complex and cumbersome.

1966. a year. 4 score in the past. maybe truth was more defined then. maybe glasses were better because they were thicker. maybe radio was better because it was AM. and maybe life in Texas was better because AM radio sounds better in Texas.

1966. years removed from JFK's assasination... years away from MLK's. life happened before their eyes... everything was new. what would i give to live in a lifetime like that.

01.02.03.04.05.06

last nite @ exactly 2 minutes and 3 seconds after 1am on april 5th, of '06 i was watching Conan O'Brien.

what were you doing when the clock struck 01:02:03 on 04.05.06?

this afternoon at 1:02:03pm - i plan on eating lunch while watching Stump the Schwab on ESPN Classic.