Lenten 40: in the mist... comes grace

there was a grim silence this morning as i woke. the early morning mist and fog provided a backdrop of mystery. but when i stepped out of the back door and wandered into the dampness, it became eerily calm. the birds were full in song, perched high above in the tree tops, but there song did not match the environment. there was yet to be a showing of the sun, and by the looks of it, there would not be a showing today, at least not this morning. perhaps later.

i walked out into the gray. the farther i would walk, the more my appearance could, potentially, bleed into one with the grayish hues coming down, surrounding me in the midst of the rain. saturated land under foot... moist air above... it was soothing.

and now i reside inside the dryness of this brick building, with plush amenities all around. yet i feel drawn to go back out to the mist. it was in many ways refreshing.

in my current stillness, a collage of music plays softly. a collection of instrumental songs that play like a movie soundtrack, more like a real-life soundtrack. my mind is making pictures. a story is playing out in my mind. it's a story of silence and solitude... of desperation and depression. of coming hope. of grace defined.

on one side is a fast forward reflection of the joyous times, of the good times... the times we all love to remember. on the other side plays slow-motion recaptured moments of disgrace.

the moving pictures are at war. which will win out?

a calm, steady drum beat begins to mount. in my minds eye, out of the mist; out of the gray, comes a shadowy figure. he stands tall, has broad shoulders and walks with confidence. i am burdened. he sees the war within me. with all exposed, poured out as if to be examined by a scientist, he comes closer. he takes my right hand and claims the baggage that i was once holding. the bags are filled with my moments of shame and dishonor... and my moments of despair: temptations given over to sin, my piercing tongue, the loss of a friend, the death of my father... all there, disheveled, disorderly inside of my suitcase.

no words are spoken. but he looks at me. deeply. as if to look directly into my very own soul. i shy away for a second, but his hand lifts my chin. forced eye contact. awkward... that is until i saw his eyes. they were so warm. how did i miss this? he takes it all, the baggage, my baggage, and all of it's contents, and throws it over his shoulder. unexpectedly, i felt no shame.

a sigh of relief. the mist becomes cooler on my face.

he then takes my left hand... and he is opened up to a world of joy. a smile lurks from behind his shadowy self. the happy times, filled with rejoicing and gladness light up his darkened face. he shares in the memories of true happiness with me, just me. again, without saying a word it is as though he fully understands each and every joyful moment, captured in time and space within the confines of my beautiful mind. he takes his hands and lifts them high... lifting up all of the good things found within me. High and lifted up. shining in the light of his glory. the light pierces through the gray mist of the morning. his face now lit up and exposed, i saw a smile... never have i seen such a genuine smile. he then speaks his first words: "we... give... thanks!"

and with that, he lowered his hands, put his hands on my face and softly gave me an assured look of hope and with it grace fell upon me. i felt it. like a warm blanket that covered all of me. the tingling from head to tow remained as he turned and waved. slowly, he heaved my heavy bags on to his shoulders and walked out until there was no line on the horizon. the light followed him, but the mist and gray remained behind.

i felt relief. i felt free.

in my mind i heard the soft melody of a piano playing music filled with raw emotion. and i was reminded of the verse of scripture that says "God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us." [1]

through joy and pain... sunshine and rain... God walks with us. are we aware? do we see and hear? taste and touch?

my mind has now returned to my present reality. i am now compelled to leave the safety of this brick-laden building. ready to head back out into the mist, so that i can experience once more the wonderful, matchless grace of God. raining down upon me.

never forget. never forget.




[1] Acts 17:27

[inspired by the following songs:
Naked Snow - Decoder Ring
Please, Let's Try Again - Linford Detweiler
Failing Eyes - Jeff Johnson
Opus 36 - Dustin O'Halloran
Tuolumne - Eddie Vedder
Iguazu - Gustavo Santaolalla
Coloring Shoes - Explosions In The Sky
Residential Love Song - K.C. Accidental
Mark Jamming - Explosions In The Sky
Treefingers - Radiohead
Matador - Daniel Lanois
Scattered Black and Whites - Elbow
I Am So Much More Me That You Are Perfectly You - Eluvium
Glacial - Hammock
Garrison - Film School
Loosing Games - Explosions In The Sky
Half Time - Mogwai]

Hammock - Mono No Aware

Lenten 40: abandoned places

[photo by Samantha Duggan]

there's an old, abandoned hospital just on the edge of town. every time i drive past it, i am fascinated. emptiness with scattered things left behind, i imagine, fills the building. it was once a tuberculosis hospital. people were quarantined there. trapped. forgotten. over time, the building deteriorated and was left to occupy space in the midst of a peaceful countryside.

soon, the Molly Stark Hospital will be torn down, that is if enough money can be secured, and what once was a place for the sick and the diseased will be replaced by a community park.

what is it about abandoned places that remain so intriguing? is it the untold or forgotten stories of each place? is it the mystery? the haunting feeling that comes when in the presence of such a place?

photographer Henk van Rensberge has a website full of his photographs of [abandoned-places]. a simple google search will bring you to many 'abandoned' images.


there is something to leaving everything behind with a reckless abandon, to do something greater. perhaps it's to follow one's dreams or to do what seems impossible. maybe it's putting aside the mistakes of the past and striving for a better way of living.

but leaving it all behind... no matter what 'it' is, is not easy. leaving behind childish behavior... leaving behind addiction... leaving behind abuse or anger or whatever it is that is holding us back is going to be painful. moving forward and pressing on is what we were designed to do, but the trap is always there... and sometimes we don't have the guts to leave.

this is just the place for faith in one who is greater than you or i.

the question then comes: "what are we abandoning ourselves to?" there is a better way out there for all to choose, if we so choose. it may mean abandoning things that we love (for all the wrong reasons) so that we may abandon ourselves to Jesus. the better way starts when we give up completely and stop trying to make it on our own. the better way begins when we are empty.

what will there be to show of us if we choose to walk alone? nothing more than a shell of an abandoned building with truths that have been long forgotten and stories that were never told.

may these abandoned places remind us of what doesn't have to be. may our stories of abandon be told with boldness.

Lenten 40: the impossible gift

My son Micah turned 6 years old last week. Before his birthday, he made a wish list and stuck it to the refrigerator for all to see. On the list were the usual stuff that a boy would want: a new bike, Steelers stuff, matchbox cars, a magic set, a science kit, etc. At the bottom of the wish list he put "I want to fly." I asked him about it and he asked what he would need to get for his birthday that could help him fly.

Micah has many fascinations (computers, video cameras, technology, filling notebooks with made-up stories) so I just passed this off as just another one of those. Then last night, after he had been in bed for a while, he came to the top of the stairs and was weeping almost uncontrollably. We asked him what was wrong and he said that he had been praying to God for a 'really long time' that God would make him be able to fly and it hasn't happened yet. "Why didn't i get that for my birthday?" he cried out, sitting on the steps.

I tried to explain to him that that was an impossible gift. Humans can't fly on their own, only if in an airplane or spaceship.

Man did that get me thinking. He had such desire, such passion for something that to me seems impossible, but to him, seems very possible.

In my Lenten reading plan for the day I read about the cost of Salvation and the cost of discipleship. "Salvation is free but the cost of discipleship is enormous" (R. Job - A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God; pg. 135) Many of us have a hard time even getting to what it means to be a disciple of Jesus (and the cost that comes with it) because we can not get past the 'Salvation is free' part. We spend so much time and energy trying to earn favor, from mankind and from God that we miss the pure beauty of that which is free.

Salvation is an impossible gift; sometimes impossible (so it seems) to grasp. Why would such a sacrifice be made for me... at no cost? In the human mind, such a sacrifice so that all men might be free seems impossible. For those whom have yet to grab onto that lifeline, perhaps it is impossible. But with faith like a child, with faith like my son has that someday he will be able to fly, we can believe with our whole being.

Micah has often talked about his desire to be a Policeman when he grows up. I remember when I was that age wanting with all of my heart to be a fireman. Those childhood dreams are the fuel for a creative mind. As Jen and I explained to him last nite: God has a plan for him, policeman, writer, future president of Apple Computers (his idol is Steve Jobs... no joke) or as a friend of ours suggested: Astronaut. whatever it is, it is not impossible as long as he holds truth and belief close to his heart.

If we can grab on to our Salvation, found only in Christ - the possibilities are endless. But it is our higher calling then to embrace the cost of discipleship; to offer ourselves as fully as we can; to become the ears, eyes, voice and hands of Jesus Christ to a hurting and needy world and church.

As Rueben job so eloquently has written: "The Cost of Salvation? It is completely free and without cost. The cost of discipleship? Only our whole lives. Nothing more, nothing less."

Get in on the glory.

Embrace the 'impossible'. For nothing is impossible with God. [Luke 1:37]

U2 - No Line On the Horizon (thoughts expressed after my first few listens)

U2 - No Line on the Horizon

below are my initial thoughts after my first few listens of the new U2 release that i pre-ordered from iTunes and downloaded today.
Please note, these thoughts could easily change after repeated listens...
-------------------------------------
No Line on the Horizon - a nice, new sound to a brand new record... what else could one ask for? There is tension in the vocals, it seems. Repeated listens made this opening track more enjoyable. There are many layers here, compliments of Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois, I’m sure. There are elements of this song and others on this album that remind me of mid-90’s recordings, Pop & Zooropa. Not sure why. I think some of the sound & instrumental elements of this song and Magnificent reminded me of Lady With the Spinning Head, but with a different lyrical tone to the lyrics. Really, though, U2 dared to make a record that was not really like anything they have recorded in a while. The complex layers are enjoyable.

Magnificent - This might be the best song on this album. I could imagine this song being the song of the summer... It has enough of a pop feel in it, matched with a driving hook of a chorus “Only love can heal such a scar.” Powerful lyrics! The final minute and 30 seconds are magnificent. Edge seems free. That is a beautiful thing to hear.


Moment of Surrender - A soulful slow jam or sorts with nice use of what appears to be a Hammond B3 or some sort of keyboard. I like the pacing of the song and the soulful lyrics. i do not like, what becomes a recurring theme on this album: the many vocals on the chorus. Producers Daniel Lanois and Brian Eno are providing backing vocals with Edge. Not a fan. Maybe it’s because i’m not used to that sound coming from U2 - Bono leading and Edge backing is what i’d prefer. This will be a fun one to play live, i am sure. I can see the potential for an improvised guitar solo - which is not customary to any U2 show, but Edge is certainly capable of pulling it off.

Unknown Caller - Musically, i like the slow build. 1 min. 50 seconds until the first verse is a nice change from the traditional U2. Again, no fan of the group vocals on the chorus. “Restart and reboot yourself... Force quit and move to trash”? Possibly the cheesiest lyrics ever written by a band that commands higher expectations. Enjoyable instrumentation at the end. There seems to be a lot of freedom in this song.

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight - At first i wasn’t keen on the title. The first words “She’s a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life” sort of drag you in and hook you right from the start, though. I’ve already said this, but this song also has nice pacing to it... a nice, natural, fresh flow of sorts.

Get On Your Boots - Ever since this single was released over a month ago, I was not a huge fan. First off I didn’t like it as a lead single... certainly not up to Vertigo’s standards or even Beautiful Day, for that matter. U2’s success in the 2000’s has been strongly based on their lead singles. I will admit that the song has grown on me and hearing it in it’s placement on the album (track 6) seems to fit. Does anybody else find that the verses seem to resemble The Escape Club’s ‘Wild Wild West’ from the late 80’s? One thing enjoyable from this song is that it is one of many songs on this album that showcase Adam Clayton’s bass playing ability. Well deserved.

Stand Up Comedy - Not real excited about this title either. I like the guitar effects late in the song. I have to admit that this song loosely reminds me of a contemporary christian pop song. i swear i’ve heard a song or two like this at one of those christian summer music festivals.

Fez - Being Born - Very unique and strong opening, all the way into the first verse of Being Born. The drumming of Larry Mullen Jr. was is highlighted on this song - nice cadence & rhythm. The solid underlying instrumentation makes this song great. Terry Lawless plays keys on this song, too. i wonder if the band will include other musicians when they go on tour?

White as Snow - This is a beautiful song with beautiful, heartfelt lyrics. Kind of sounds like a christmas song... ‘O come o come Emanuel’ anyone? did i mention how great the lyrics are on this one? This song has a new sound to it and for that i am grateful. A testament to the fact that U2 did not want to recreate former albums... probably why they abandoned some of the songs from the Rick Rueben sessions. Something new and fresh was needed. Something new and fresh has been given.

Breathe - A song that adds to the strong 2nd half of this new record. I particularly enjoyed the pacing of Bono’s lyrics on this track. I should write more, but i got caught up in the song. I guess that is a good thing.

Cedars of Lebanon - Bono paints a picture of a lyrical story that danced around in my head. Easily the most contemplative song ever written or recorded by U2. This song appears to be the guts of a man in the midst of war, away from home for too long. Maybe it’s a metaphor of the inner battles man faces in the midst of hard-fought trials. Maybe it’s a crying out to God, asking “Where are you?” ... saying “reveal yourself to me... i beg of you.” It’s a chilling song that ends the album on a high note, forcing the listener into the middle of a web of contemplation.

Lenten 40: annointed feet

i've always like the story of Jesus reclining at the house of Lazarus. he is there with his disciples are enjoying a nice meal served by Martha. Lazarus, still in awe after his recent death and all, has invited them over... i imagine this meal was a small token of gratitude to the one who restored his life. This story (found in John 12:1-8) really gets interesting when Mary anoints and massages her Master Jesus' feet. Judas realizes the cost of the expensive perfume that Mary used and plays a trump card of sorts. "we could have sold that perfume and fed the poor!." who knows what Judas Iscariot's real intentions were. after all, he was the guy holding the money bag for the disciples anyway. maybe he just couldn't stand to see such value go to 'waste'.

But Jesus doesn't view it as waste at all. He views it as sacrifice... as honoring. as a sign of her great love for her Messiah. "you will always have the poor but you will not always have me." Jesus says.

What? serve the poor? yeah... put that on the back burner for now, he says.

Later on, a few days later, actually, the disciples get in to a bit of a dispute. I can hear Peter saying "Shirley, i would never abandon Jesus." "Nor would I!" said the others. "I am the greatest." No, it's me." i can imagine the guys puffing themselves up, gloating about all of the good deeds they have done... thinking the Jesus was surely impressed by them.

Jesus corrects them. "But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves." (Luke 22:26)

Check out what else he says: "For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones..." (Luke 22:27-29)

Quite a dichotomy here. a servant king? a kingdom based on service... based on childlike faith... based on humility and awareness.

Mary was aware of her Master's need to be served and thus set the tone. She served Him and honored him even when it seemed like it would have been better to sell that fine fragrance and give the money to the poor. Here's the thing, it is that willingness to be with Jesus and to tend to that relationship that then empowers us as disciples and followers of Christ to go out and serve the poor and the oppressed and the needy and the weary.

Attending to our relationship with Christ is #1, above all. experiencing that love from Him compels us to do great and mighty things in the most humble of ways.

Love compels.

Mary's love compelled her to sacrifice.

Jesus' love compelled him to sacrifice.

that love is exemplified through service.

You can't separate sacrifice and service.

If your relationship with Jesus isn't right, how can we possibly truly encompass what it means to serve? Let's be honest... that is a difficult value system to live in the midst of. But Jesus seems to be telling his disciples - both then and now - that there is no other way.


"The church then, both washes the feet of Christ and wipes them with her hair, and anoints them with oil, and pours ointment upon them, because not only does she care for the wounded and cherish the weary, but also sprinkles them with the sweet odor of grace; and pours forth the same grace not only on the rich and powerful, but also on men of lowly estate. She weighs all with equal balance, gathers all in the same bosom, and cherishes them in the same lap.

Christ died once and was buried once, and nevertheless He wills that ointment should daily be poured on His feet. What then are those feet of Christ on which we pour ointment? The feet of Christ are they of whom He himself says; 'What ye have done to one of the least of these, ye have done to me.'" ~ from Letter 41; Saint Ambrose (as quoted in The Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God)




posted @ Starbucks @ Washington Square while listening to the Appleseed Cast

Here Comes Everybody

Here Comes Everybody: The Power of Organizing Without Organizations by Clay Shirky

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
my link Jonny Baker blogged about this book and recommened it... it seemed interesting so i went to Amazon.com and read a preview of the first chapter. i liked it so I ordered it.



There were sections of this book that were very interesting to me and others that were hard to grab on to. the most positive thing that i took from this book was seeing how practical it is becoming for people to collaborate without the formality of an organization. Most of the examples stem from internet based options where people have or are working together to create, modify or maintain useful and helpful programs.



Shirky has definitely done his homework. Telling a meaningful story and relating it the power of organizing is his strong suit in this book. The opening chapter was captivating. Who knew a story about a lost cell phone could be so interesting.



Other chapters talked about leaderless, collaborative organized groups on the internet like Flickr, LiveJournal, Meetup, etc. The chapter on the inception of Wikipedia - it's failures and it's success were particularly interesting.



Here comes Everybody was in ways empowering because it displays the low cost of failure in the right type of setting. Those failures generally lead to future success.



I enjoyed most of this book.


View all my reviews.

Lenten 40: the beginning

40. it's a significant number throughout the bible.
the great flood lasted 40 days/nights.
Moses was on the Mt. Sinai in the presence of God for 40 days/nights.
Elijah spent 40 days fleeing from Ahab, but found God in the process.
Jonah preached in Nineveh, within 40 days the people repented; Jonah lamented.
Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness alone and was tempted.
After His resurrection, Jesus appeared to his disciples over a period of 40 days.

40. it's also the number of days (not counting Sundays) for which we celebrate the season of lent.

Ash Wednesday was yesterday and the lenten season has now begun a new... this time symbolizes where we 'roughly bump up against our own mortality.' (Rueben Job) This parallels Jesus' time in the desert where he fasted and was hungry and was then tempted by the evil one. This test of Jesus' humanity is essential for us who are/were/will be saved through his sacrifice on the cross. He had to be fully human and yet fully God for us to fully connect the dots between his pain and suffering and our sinful nature (and thus - a need to be saved from it)

for 40 days in the desert, Jesus sacrificed - so that he would be prepared for what was to come. the 40 days of Lent is our time to connect with that sacrifice. (Matt. 4:1-11)

Some choose to give up something of worth over this time while others may choose to add something to their life during this period leading up to Holy week. Whatever you choose to do - may it bring you a deeper understanding of God's love for us all - through the eventual sacrifice of His son Jesus - so that we may experience life to the full. (John 10:10)

Si Smith has created a series of illustrations (as well as a short movie available for download at Proost) simply titled 40. the drawings depict the 40 days Christ spent in the desert alone. mayBE has posted the entire series. Check it out. Day one shows Jesus closing up his carpenter shop and preparing for the journey ahead.

[view Day 1 illustration]

Jesus... standing there giving up the life he had known for 30 years... walking away into the desert... about to embark on the toughest challenge his life had yet to face.... giving up his livelihood, so that all may have the potential to experience true love, compassion, healing, restoration and wholeness.

and so it begins.




----

note: it is my goal to post regularly about this lenten season. i plan on reflecting about Jesus and his time in the desert. I am also using A Guide To Prayer for All Who Seek God as a soft guide during this time. We'll see what insights are gained as a result.

for insights gathered during the Lenten season 2 years ago, check out Lenten Hobo.

Jesus Wants to Save Christians (a very llong review of said book)

Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile by Rob Bell

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I've enjoyed Rob Bell's previous books as well as what he does with Nooma, so it comes at no surprise that i enjoyed Jesus Wants To Save Christians. Bell and co-author Don Golden paint a nice picture of the dysfunctional first family found in Genesis and about how God provided a 'better way'.

Compare that with the story of Exodus, the story of those opposed to Jesus and the story of today's 'church'; God has been, throughout the history of our existence, showing us a better way... and time after time we have rejected His message and done our own thing, albeit often in the name of God and under the guise of 'Christianity'.
This book builds upon itself and it doesn't take long for the reader to figure out that Bell and Golden are pointing fingers. Some will take offense to it. Some will reject it without even reading it. Some would possibly even read it but think that it is about someone else.

The fact is Bell and Golden are calling the church out, in not-so-subtle ways. Frankly, it was a message worth sharing... a message that the church globally (at least the church domestically in America) needs to digest.

*Spoiler Alert*

If we go back to Sinai, God made a covenant with the people. Ever since, mankind has chosen other lovers. The Israelites were brought out of slavery and into freedom... yet, again and again everything falls apart and they cry out for help... stuck in exile... oppressed and hurting. Egypt repeats. We were born into this same slavery... it may not be the Egyptians enslaving us... it may be sin, greed, violence, death. But God provided 'a way'

Bell and Golden connect the dots between Israel's slavery and the need for a savior, for one and all.
from chapter two:

"What began as hope for a Jewish leader for Jewish people needing an exodis from exile in Babylon evolved over time into the expectation of a leader who would be for everybody."

Hope for a particular group of people turned into a hope for all.

This leads to a discussion in chapter 3 in which Power and Leadership and connected with Serving and Humility - found in Jesus Christ. The end result of that kind of power is Compassion, grace and love.

"The misuse of power always leads to the escalation of violence."

"If evil always takes some form of violence, then more violence isn't going to solve anything."


put two and two together and you can see the subtle parallels to some of the actions our country has taken over the past decade. This, will no doubt be a point of contention for many, but i think that in the context of Jesus Wants to Save Christians, things are presented and connections are made. I felt myself inspired instead of fired up.

What i particularly enjoyed was Chapter 5, which reminded me of Nooma 13: Rich. "God bless America? He has." Through story and statistics the idea of the dangers of Empire is presented. I couldn't help thinking - is empire really what God desires? All-to-much we seem to place 'empire' about faith... putting party affiliation 1st, Jesus 2nd. or maybe it's the accumulation of wealth or technology or what have you, being placed ahead of God.

The most gut-wrenching part of the whole book took place on page 136. A story of a youth minister asking the question "i just can't get my students interested in Jesus." Bell's response: How does a 12 year old who has never been hungry, to the point that he/she didn't know where there next meal would come from understand the story of another 12 year old providing fish and bread for thousands of chronically hungry people?

Among other things, this book was an eye opener and my approach to ministry, hopefully will change as a result.

I will admit that i may be considered a fan-boy of sorts... so i am hoping that as things sink in, i will be able to process more what it is that i am taking away from this book.

For too long the church has been missing the point and thus people have been missing out on Jesus. Jesus wants to save us from our distractions, confusions, good intentions, misinterpretations and lack of focus. He wants us like the husband wants his bride. Forever to be in relationship, with love abounding.

We have been given a good gift. This book has reminded me of that gift and hopefully will compel me to share that good gift with others.

View all my reviews.

25 Albums tht Made Me (with explanation)

on Facebook i was tagged when a friend of mine completed a survey titled 'The 25 Albums that Made Me'. I replied with my own list. I'll explain the reasons i chose the albums that i chose. these aren't necessarily my 25 all time fav. albums, but more albums that had a huge impact on me.

enjoy.

(in no particular order)

1 U2 - The Joshua Tree
probably my all time favorite album. i remember the first time i heard the song With or Without You on the radio sitting in the front seat of a friends car. My sister had this album on cassette and i always seemed to get my hands on it. This opened the door to a passionate love for all things U2. that passion hasn't waned since.
2 The Appleseed Cast - Low Level Owl vol I & II
I can't separate these two albums... they were released two months apart and are virtually one cohesive piece of atmospheric musical bliss when played back to back. i love how every song blends into one. this album opened my eyes to a whole different style of emotion found in lyric and instrumentation.
3 South - From Here On In
I stumbled upon this band when i saw their video for Paint the Silence on MTV2. I found a free download of that song and i was deeply intrigued. I searched and finally found this album and a newfound love for Britpop and British alternative rock was born. I still tend to lean towards music and artists from across the Atlantic... all because of this album. Listening to it is like spending the afternoon in an art museum.
4 Portishead - Roseland Live NYC
Portishead is not the most 'normal' sounding group. Their self-titled second album was my first exposure to them. I loved the eclectic mix of haunting vocals with instrumentation put on wax and then sampled with a DJ. I still have a copy of this Live album on video cassette. I think i am drawn to their different style... not like any music made in America.
5 The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
I had always heard of this album and remember the cheesy album cover with members of the Beach Boys at a petting zoo. I was even familiar with some of the classics on the album (mainly 'Wouldn't It Be Nice'). Probably 5 years ago or so I was watching one of those VH1 specials about the 10 greatest albums of all time. I've always been drawn to lists. I had a collection of Rolling Stone magazines with lists of best albums, songs, guitarists, etc. This VH1 show had Pet Sounds and Sgt. Peppers (by the Beatles) at the top of their list. I was intrigued. I went on a quest to find some of these classic albums and to add them to my collection. After purchasing Pet Sounds and listening to it through, i was blown away. What a musical masterpiece. And reading about the history of this recording made it even more special. It's one for the ages... a must have for any music guru.
6 Johnny Cash - Live at Folsom Prison
Everything about Johnny Cash is rough and tough and full of bravado. At Folsom Prison is unique in that it's a live record and yet it's probably more popular than any studio recording he's released. I've always been drawn to Cash and this album is special because my 5 year old son and my father (God rest his soul) both cherished this recording. Cash's love of the railroad connected me with my father as he loved trains. So does my son. This is a sentimental choice for me.
7 Decoder Ring - Somersault
A soundtrack to an Austrailian film, I stumbled upon this band and album when, for a brief time about three years ago I subscribed to eMusic. I liked the sound, bought the album, and then a few years later, finally saw the film. I subsequently found other albums by Decoder Ring - and enjoy them very much. I think the pursuit of other Decoder Ring recordings furthered my love for 'hard-to-find'/'rarely-heard-of' music. I connect with the rhythms of Decoder Ring.
8 Manic Street Preachers - Everything Must Go
I was in an indie record shop somewhere in Los Angeles in the fall of 1996. I've always loved going to indie shops. This was the kind of shop lots of vintage records that you could spin as well as bargain bin cd's for a dollar. Most of the cd's in that bin were trash - but every once in a while you'd find a gem. I found the single 'A Design For Life' by Manic Street Preachers and bought it strictly based on the album art. I loved the single and did all that I could to track down the entire album. The fact that i discovered this band randomly means a lot. I searched for years for other Manic albums and some have been hard to find here in America. Everything Must Go holds a special place in my heart for many reasons... one being the history behind the album and that it was recorded after one of the Manics, Richey Edwards disappeared, never to be seen again. A few years ago I was trying to track down an import of their 1994 album, The Holy Bible at a local record shop (it was never released in America). I asked the owner if he had any Manic Street Preachers or knew anything about them. He replied "I know one of them is missing."
9 The Prayer Chain - Mercury
A chilling record from start to finish. This album reminds me of my college years and is part of a deep connection of music and friendship with my college buddies. I've often wanted to make a movie with Mercury serving as the soundtrack. Elements of the album are haunting and disoriented. The sound is uniquely it's own. I dream Mercury.
10 Underworld - Second Toughest in the Infants
My love for electronica can be traced back to the film Trainspotting. Underworld contributed a couple of songs for that movie/soundtrack. I liked what i heard; found a copy of the Pearl's Girl EP; loved it and then purchased the album from which that song was on. I like Underworld because their music plays like a soundtrack in my head.
11 Future Sound of London - Dead Cities
At the same record shop in which i found the Manic Street Preachers - A Design For Life single, I found My Kingdom by FSOL. There was something different about the music. It was various sounds meshed together that formed something unique. Dead Cities is a Kaleidoscope of sorts... a wall of sound. I've always been drawn to creative sounds and that is why i love this album. We Have Explosive is a timeless track, the best on the album.
12 Michael W. Smith - The Big Picture
Might seem like a weird choice - but I wore this cassette album out. in the fall of 1986 i went to my first concert ever. MWS and The Big Picture was his most rocking album, as was the concert. I have vivid memories of that show.
13 Amy Grant - Lead Me On
It came out at the height of my Christian music fascination. It was not like other Christian albums. It was not mainstream... and at the time, Christian artists didn't make these kind of albums. I've always liked the fact that it broke barriers.
14 3rd Bass - The Cactus Album
1988-89 was the peak of Rap & Hip hop (in my opinion). The Cactus Album had some really great sampling with some creative MC's. Being that they were one of the few white rappers who could actually rap. For awhile, back then, i had dreams of being an MC like the guys in 3rd Bass. God had other plans for me.
15 The Police - Synchronicity
It was the second cassette i ever had (Michael Jackson - Thriller was the first). Needless to say, Synchronicity got more airplay on my walkman. It was the first album to consume my time.
16 Nirvana - Nevermind
Who can forget the first time they saw Smells Like Teen Spirit on MTV? Obviously that album changed things... and grunge became part of the mainstream as a result. Maybe it was the 'i don't care about anything' attitude of Kurt Cobain and maybe it was the timing of it's release (Senior year of high school, beginning of college). I connected with it because it was easy not to care about anything then... the stresses of college made it easy to not care.
17 Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
Progressive rock, Post-rock or whatever you want to call it... Most of Explosions in the Sky is uncategorizable (is that a word?). EITS brings something so unique to the table - their music is all instrumental. I've always love the instrumental track. Their music - and this album is filled with so much raw emotion. I can't explain it. I connect with their songs more than any other band. If i were to be honest, i probably appreciate EITS more than even U2. hard to believe. Seeing them in concert last year was one of the top 10 things that have ever happened to me. (live video)
18 The Chemical Brothers - Dig Your Own Hole
After my return from Film School in California, i had been exposed to lots of new sounds. The big beats of The Chemical Brothers was unbelievable. Along with Underworld, The Chemical Brothers were one of my most played artists from the late '90's. That was a pivotal point in my life, leading up to my eventual engagement and marriage.
19 Over the Rhine - The Darkest Night of the Year
A holiday album that can be played year round. The first and last songs (both instrumentals) are bookends to a simplistic, genuine approach to a simplistic, genuine event, the birth of Christ. Those instrumentals draw me in every time.
20 Sixpence None the Richer - This Beautiful Mess
My roommate in college, freshman year, had the first cd by Sixpence None the Richer - so i had many chances to hear them and grew to like them more and more. When This Beautiful Mess came out, it struck a cord with so many. It alternative christian music at its best. It takes me back to seeing them play live many times in the mid '90's. i get chills when i listen to this album even today.
21 Radiohead - OK Computer
I mean seriously.. do i really have to explain the impact this album had on so many? After hearing the first single, Paranoid Android - and it's epic sound scape were captivating. I bought the album at Best Buy and fell in love. Literally. The documentary film Meeting People is Easy makes the album that much more enjoyable. The turmoil of celebrity seemed to make the music all the more emotional. This album is a huge part of me and is still listened to frequently. The climax of Let Down gives me chills every time.
22 DJ Shadow - Endtroducing...
I love the mixing of sounds from many other pieces of music. With Garage Band and other music maker programs, i've often attempted to recreate what DJ Shadow does. I've never been gutsy enough to even attempt to DJ with two turntables and a microphone - but i've often dreamed of it. This was another album that i originally purchased based on the album art alone. What a pleasant surprise. In some ways - i think one of my best attributes is the ability to 'remix' things - meshing together music, video, words or whatever - to a single purpose. This comes in handy in youth ministry and keeps things fresh, i think... sort of a 'remixer' of the Gospel, possibly.
23 Sigur Rós - ( )
The dawn of the message board in the early 2000's led to many discussions on various boards about music. It was easy to be exposed to new things. This is where i heard of Sigur Rós for the first time. i bought ( ) - yeah, that's the name of the album... and was surprised to see virtually no text on the cd of album art. There was no track listing at all. Upon placing the cd in my computer, the song titles came up Untitled 1, Untitled 2, and so on. Listening to the album brought to life another unique sound. The vocals were mostly in 'hopelandic', a made up language - not in the native Icelandic tongue. It's just a beautiful album. It has more meaning to me as it was in heavy rotation around the time that my son, Micah was born. I used songs from this album when i edited together videos of his first days on earth.
24 Led Zeppelin - II
I think most guys from my generation at one point in time get into Classic Rock. Led Zeppelin epitomizes classic rock. Led Zeppelin II is timeless and makes me feel like i was part of generation that preceded me. The instrumental jam during Whole Lot of Love is not like any other classic rock sound. Mody Dick was often played to get us pumped up before a major event in college, although my roommate Steve and I swore that something bad would end up happening if we played it... that song still freaks me out.
25 Rush - Counterparts
Rush has never really received the respect they are certainly due. Counterparts came out my freshman year of college down at Asbury. an upperclassman down the hall listened to them a lot. His name was Brent. I looked up to Brent. A bunch of us then went to see the Counterparts tour live in Cincinnati and it was pretty sweet. I became a huge Rush fan and spend a good amount of time after that seeking out as many Rush cd's as i could find. College is a monumental time for many... this album kick started my time after high school and made me feel connected.

wow. i can't believe i've spent so much time thinking about this and writing this. it was probably overdone... easy for me to do when it comes to something like this.

if you've bothered to read it all - good for you... i hope it wasn't a complete waste of time. hey, if nothing else, this gave me a chance to reminisce. music has always been a big part of my life... now you see why.

New Life (is just around the corner)

new life will be upon us soon. ready for the old self to die...


photo by jen beck (her blog)

this photo will be used for a future youth worship gathering in march where (among other things) we will watch this.

songs that compel me

compel |kəmˈpel|
verb ( -pelled , -pelling ) [ trans. ]
force or oblige (someone) to do something : a sense of duty compelled Harry to answer her questions.
• bring about (something) by the use of force or pressure : they may compel a witness's attendance at court by issue of a summons.
• poetic/literary drive forcibly : by heav'n's high will compell'd from shore to shore.

last nite my wife went to bed early so i went to bed early, too. she begged me not to turn on the tv in the bedroom... or at least to give her 10 minutes to fall asleep first. i decided to go get my iPod and listen to some music as a precursor to falling asleep.

i put on The Best of Simon & Garfunkel and the entry way to my lucid sleep was nothing short of blissfulness.

i began to think about the songs of old and about how much passion was in them. some of the music these days seems to be nothing but fluff... no substance. i suppose there are plenty of songs throughout the history of modern music that have been shallow... but none-the-less, i lay there in bed last night and i was compelled.

i am not sure what i was or am compelled to do... maybe that'll be worked out. first, i thought i'd list songs old and new that compel me.

Simon & Garfunkel - The Boxer
Simon & Garfunkel - The Only Living Boy in New York (thank you to Zach Braff and the film Garden State)
Simon & Garfunkel - Dangling Conversation
Bod Dylan - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
Bob Dylan - Only a Pawn in their Game
Bob Dylan - Visions of Johanna
Bob Dylan - Gotta Serve Somebody
The Beatles - Because
The Beatles - Medley at the end of Abbey Road (You Never Give Me Your Money, Sun King, Mean Mr. Mustard, Polythene Pam, She Came in Through the Bathroom Window, Golden Slumbers, Carry That Weight, The End, Her Majesty)
The Beatles - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
Elton John - Tiny Dancer (thank you to Cameron Crowe and that scene in Almost Famous... hearing that song makes you realize that things are going to be alright.)
Johnny Cash - The Man Comes Around
Johnny Cash - Sunday Morning Coming Down
Neil Young - Heart of Gold
The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
Jimi Hendrix - Hey Joe
The Talking Heads - Take Me to the River
U2 - Bad
U2 - Elvis Presley and America
Radiohead - Gagging Order
Explosions in the Sky - The Only Moment We Were Alone
Elbow - Scattered Blacks and Whites
Keane - Try Again
Travis - Blue Flashing Light
Nada Surf - Always Love
Over the Rhine - Latter Days
Squarepusher - Tommib (thank you to Sophia Coppola and it's use in the film Lost in Translation)
Underworld - Pearl's Girl
Sigur Rós - Untitled 8 (a.k.a. "Popplagið")
The Silversun Pickups - Lazy Eye
Sixpence None the Richer - Bleeding
The Sundays - Can't Be Sure
Muse - Unintended

i could go on but i've already wasted to much time this morning.

a world without selfishness...

would be a world without:

greed
theft
murders
drama queens
steroids in baseball
wars
and terrorism
wall street tycoons with 120 million dollar bonuses
plots of deception
drug addiction
unwanted pregnancies
and abortions
western consumerism
carjacking
ransacked businesses robbed of everything in the middle of the night
fraud
the love of money
overindulgence
1,500 calorie fast food burgers
and clogged arteries
empire building
bombs over bagdad
drug smuggling
the suppression of women in 3rd world cultures
shantytowns
and poverty
bloated bellies
a lack of AIDS medicines in Africa
debt
unemployment
mortgage crisis
stock market crashes
crumbling economies
400 billion dollar profits from oil companies
covetousness
wanting more and more and more
and thinking i have a right to it
pompous behavior
puffed up status
vandalism
divorce
lust
neglected relationships
unforgiveness
so-called christians following political parties over following Jesus
inward church communities expecting 'the lost' to wander in to their sanctuaries
exile
hungry children
homeless men sleeping on park benches
as much guilt
as much pain
as much suffering
injustice
disharmony
this blog post


---

i could go on... and frankly, you could probably add to the list, too.






i'm not striving to be like Jesus enough. i must strive towards humility and grace... and stop wanting so much.

YOUTH MINISTRY: LISTENING PARTY

LISTENING PARTY. YEAH!

On Sunday night, January 25, 2009, our very own Student Action Leadership Team (a.k.a. SALT) took charge of the youth meeting. We proceeded to have a "listening party", so to speak. Each of the 9 members of the leadership team picked a song that was meaningful to them. They designed a whole night of Youth Focus around those songs. We had some discussion... some interaction and activity and we discoverd how God was able to speak to us all... through the music, the videos and the lyrics.

Below are some general notes, as well as video clips that helped make up this Listening Party.

Hope you enjoyed it. Leave us a comment below and tell us what you thought!

Song 1: Corey's choice: Brooks and Dunn - Believe (lyrics)

I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see
Oh i believe

QUESTION: Think about older people in your life who have had a positive impact on your life. What did you learn from them? Why did you look up to them?

Song 2: Rachel's choice: Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten (lyrics)

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

ACTIVITY: Youth were invited to write either a dream or a worry on the dry erase board. After the song, the words were erased... symbolic of God being in control of our hopes, dreams and even our worries.

Song 3: Aaron's choice: P.O.D. - Alive (lyrics)

Everyday is a new day
I'm thankful for
Every breath I take
I won't take you for granted (I won't take you for granted)
So I learn from my mistakes
It's beyond my control
Sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens
In this lifetime
So I trust in love (so I trust in love)
You have given me
Peace of mind

Song 4: Sam's choice: Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days (lyrics)

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

Matthew 1:21 + John 3:16

Song 5: Lacie's Choice: Lenka - The Show (lyrics)

CLICK TO WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO



(Created by P.Barr)

Song 6: Megan's choice: Lazlo Bane - Superman (lyrics)

Are you weary? (Matt. 11:28-20)

Desiring a 'full life'? (John 10:10)

How is your soul? (Matt. 16:26)

What is impossible? (Matt. 19:26)



Song 7: Brian's choice: Attack Attack! - Bro, Ashley's Here (lyrics)

Get up, get up, He's calling your name,
You don't have to be something you're not.
Someday came suddenly and now I'm standing here.
Get up, get up, He's calling your name,
You don't have to be something you're not.
Someday came suddenly and now I'm left standing here.


(Created by P.Barr)

Song 8: Katie's choice: Goo Goo Dolls - Before It's To Late (lyrics)

and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you dont live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone

Take a risk... jump. kind of goes along with our theme for 2008/2009... JUMP!

Katie then showed us a clip from the Gilmore Girls that connects with the song played.


QUESTION: What risks might God be calling you to take? How can you share your faith with the world or show it to all?

Katie then had us go out to the gym and form small groups. We then put puzzles together with quotes written on the connected pieces... quotes about 'risk' and 'living life to the full'. Together, each groups individual puzzles then formed Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

The SALT did a great job leading. I hope you gained some new insight as a result of what they taught us. Leave comments below!

The common theme throughout all of these songs seemed to be:

LIVE LIFE.

We were reminded of John 10:10... Jesus said "I have come to give you life to the fullest."

WORSHIP IDEA: Emerging...

[idea derived, inspired from JoelDanielHarris' blog & the Dr. DKS]
Joel had a contest to see who could use this YouTube clip in worship or some other form... here is what we did...

***

we have a worship service directed towards youth that takes place monthly, called the Breakfast Club.

at our Feb. 1st Breakfast Club the theme was Meltaway. we talked about what we need to do to avoid having our faith ‘melt away’ like snow in 40 degree weather.

get involved in Christian service, tame the tongue, confess, practice sound wisdom, & find and share your faith.

when we find our faith, we have to leave our baggage behind. baggage might be those outside influences that bring unnecessary hurt, anger, fear, etc… Baggage that weighs us down and prevents us from having true faith. We need to dump the baggage, leave the suitcases behind and run toward faith.

when we run towards faith and find God - it is impossible for us to contain our sense of joy and hope.

long story short… o.k. long story, i know, but here is when we got to the EMERGE youtube clip from William Lamson. I showed the clip and talked about how hard it is to contain our faith when we are in tune with God.

it’s like the balloons popping out of the water… they cannot be contained any more… not only do they rise to the surface, but they rise up and float away for all to see. i paralleled this by reminding the students that when they are swimming in a swimming pool, what happens when they try to hold a floaty toy, raft or beach ball underwater… what happens?

eventually the ball or toy will shoot out of the water… it can not be contained for too long.

this is what it looks like when we share our joy and hope and faith rooted in God’s love with others. It can not be contained… not meant to be contained!

one of our ideas that would have gone along with this was to have a 40 gal. tub full of water up on the stage with balloons in the water. we were then going to have a few youth come up and try to hold them under the water.

we secured the balloons, but it proved to be a bigger challenge to get a tub of water… it was possible, but better planning was needed.

none the less, this is how we used ‘Emerge’.

my wife helped me come up with the idea for this.

Tim Beck
Director of Youth Ministry
Christ UMC, Louisville, OH
http://www.alienuth.com

The Christian Culture Survival Guide: The Misadventures of an Outsider on the Inside [REVIEW]

The Christian Culture Survival Guide: The Misadventures of an Outsider on the Inside by Matthew Paul Turner

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
The cover drew me in from the start. Turner hits the nail on the head. with tongue firmly planted in cheek he calls out the church and it's followers. if you can't take a joke you shouldn't read this book.



although some of the chapters neglected to come to any resolution, in my opinion, the book was entertaining and somewhat inspirational in that i know without a shadow of a doubt of whom i desire NOT to be.



too many in the church follow the church instead of Jesus.



Turner call's them out - but in a nonsensical, fun & humorous way. too bad most of the people he is talking about wouldn't get his 'jokes' anyway.



p.s. the church... and christians... we need to change. no wonder the world thinks we're fools. because we are.


View all my reviews.

XLIII Champions

SUPER BOWL XLIII

• 1st Quarter
  • PIT – Jeff Reed 18 yard field goal, 9:45. Steelers 3–0. Drive: 9 plays, 71 yards, 5:15.
• 2nd Quarter
  • PIT – Gary Russell 1 yard run (Jeff Reed kick), 14:01. Steelers 10–0. Drive: 11 plays, 69 yards, 7:12.
  • ARI – Ben Patrick 1 yard pass from Kurt Warner (Neil Rackers kick), 8:31. Steelers 10–7. Drive: 9 plays, 83 yards, 5:27.
  • PIT – James Harrison 100 yard interception return (Jeff Reed kick), 0:00. Steelers 17–7.
• 3rd Quarter
  • PIT – Jeff Reed 21 yard field goal, 2:11. Steelers 20–7. Drive: 16 plays, 79 yards, 8:39.
• 4th Quarter
  • ARI – Larry Fitzgerald 1 yard pass from Kurt Warner (Neil Rackers kick), 7:33. Steelers 20–14. Drive: 8 plays, 87 yards, 3:57.
  • ARI – Holding penalty on Justin Hartwig in end zone for safety, 2:58. Steelers 20–16.
  • ARI – Larry Fitzgerald 64 yard pass from Kurt Warner (Neil Rackers kick), 2:37. Cardinals 23–20. Drive: 2 plays, 67 yards, 21 seconds.
  • PIT – Santonio Holmes 6 yard pass from Ben Roethlisberger (Jeff Reed kick), 0:35. Steelers 27–23. Drive: 8 plays, 78 yards, 2:02.

thoughts while sipping coffee at starbucks

(sort of a continuation from my ramblings earlier in the week while waiting for an oil change)

PT. 2: sitting in a starbucks @ Washington square, sipping on a mocha and thinking about life and cool breezes and oversized comfy chairs. friday morning, 1.23.09

We are all put here n this green earth of ours for a reason. Finding that reason is a major part of our life’s quest. Our questions are tied to that reason. Our reason is tied to the questions. We don’t always know what to ask or where to search. we don’t always realize what the end result will be. But we know that there is a purpose.. a direction… a plan designed just for us. In the days of GPS navigation systems, you’d think it’d be a whole heck of a lot easier to find our way. Yet we still wander aimlessly.

Your hand in mine. As I type ‘your hand in mine’, an instrumental track by the band Explosions in the Sky is playing.

I find it to apply to my thoughts at the moment. We are none of us alone. You’ll never walk alone. We were never meant to be alone. But we’ve all felt alone. Much of my adolescence I felt alone, I think. At least I seem to recall feeling that way… maybe my memories are skewed… but even today there are many times when I think that no one understands me or the thoughts or ideas in my head.

Last on Greys Anatomy (my wife makes me watch it) Meredith said to Derek something like ‘ I know you don’t understand me… I don’t understnd me!’

I felt that way. Many people do, too, I believe. But WE ARE NOT ALONE… nor were we meant to be or feel alone. But feelings can deceive us so much of the time.

Thinking about Adam and Eve and the action steps they took after they disobeyed God. What did they do? they hid. They pulled themselves away and brought on the feeling and reality of aloneness (is that a word?). They retreated. They pulled back. They hid. And God took away, because of their disobedient hearts, the very thing that they desired most. The comfortable resting place for their mind, body and spirit.

I wonder if there is a connection to ‘feeling alone’ and ‘not knowing the path God has laid out for us?’

I wonder if aloneness, or the feelings of alone-ness are connected to the quest?

Certainly, part of the quest is ‘doing it alone’… or so it seems or feels. But maybe that is not the intended way. I don’t know. In movies and in books you always have this character who ‘has to make it on my own.’… who has to prove to the world and to themselves that they can do it.

But how tragic that can end up. I am thinking of Christopher McCandless, the true story of a man, featured in the book and movie Into the Wild, who ran off on his own on a quest to find himself. He wound up in Alaska… alone… lost… abandoned… trapped… and eventually he died there.

One of his final written words was this: “happiness only real when shared with others.”

How true. How true.

Thoughts of the prodigal son… or the lost sheep come to mind. The lost sheep was not meant to be abandoned. The shepherd goes after him… leaving 99. That lost one was just as important.

The prodigal son… he chose to leave… chose to go it alone. And it took some trials and tragedy before he came to his senses and returned home, like a bad dog with his head between his knees… but the Father was there with open arms.

The Quest brought him full circle. The Father was there with loving arms… was that or is that the fulfillment of the quest? Of our quest in life?

To return home?

Ironically, the song that no plays is ‘The Only Moment We Were Alone’ by Explosions in the Sky. Beautiful.

WE and ALONE in the same sentence, those words are kind of opposites.

We and Alone. Maybe it could be a metaphor… and I am taking creative license here… but maybe it is symbolic of the homecoming… of which the FATHER greets us with the kind of embrace that fills the heart with love and grace and peace and comfort and protection and purpose and willingness and desire.

Together WE – the Father in Heaven and ME… and I… whatever. Together we are alone. That is the plan? Is it not? Is that the culmination of salvation and love that God promises? Is that the rejoiced moment we await?

thoughts while waiting for an oil change.

[random, free expression, written wednesday, jan. 21, 2009 while waiting for the oil to be changed in our van. i can't say what was written is coherent or worth reading or complete for that matter... but they are thoughts... my thoughts. read if you like... but i've come to know that blogging is often done even though many might not even ever read it. so maybe this random post was for me. maybe it was therapeutic. maybe it was just talking things out, without using my voice. alas...]

Sitting here waiting for the oil to get changed in my car and I’m thinking a lot about change. Yesterday we witnessed the beginning of the appearance and/or the hope of change to come in our country. Barack Obama was sworn into office as the 44th President of the United States. He represents so much to so many, but never has there been or will there be more pressure put upon one man to lead our nation. We are not in the best of times. Frankly, being President might not be the dream job when you look at the task at hand.

Regardless, this whole change thing that has filled my mind has more to do with the other things of life. As a matter of fact, change has been on my mind for a while now. It’s been on the forefront for at least the past 21 days. With the dawning of a new year just 3 weeks ago we’ve all been thinking about change and about resolutions and about dreams and goals and things we’d like to do differently.

And yet here we are… here we stand… here I stand, 3 weeks in, already thinking about how I’ve yet to do anything. My mind has been full but my action has been empty.

Everyone seems to embraces the idea of change, but not the actual activity itself. Well, there are obviously some who reject it whole heartily… sometimes it appears that those who have been around longer are least likely to embrace change. That attitude easily seeps into the young, apparently through the water they drink? Who knows why, but I’ve met my fill of young folk who openly resist anything different, too.

We are a people made up of mostly talkers with little walkers.

And where am I in the mix? Not where I want to be. I’m on the cusp of my 35th birthday and I can’t help but wonder when the mid-life crisis will come. When I say ‘crisis’ I am meaning that place where I begin to wonder and question and figure out what it is I was placed on this earth to do.

Heck, I’ve been having those thoughts for years.

I don’t view this coming period as a crisis per-sey, but more of a reality that is or will be upon me or any man who gets this far in life and can’t help but wonder ‘ how the heck did my parents do this?’ how did they do the whole ‘raising a family, holding down a job and being the productive people that they were?’

The scary thing is the realization that things are different and really cant be compared. Young people (or might I clarify, people my age) don’t seem to join the Rotary or civic clubs. We don’t really interact in community or neighborhoods like our parents did. We don’t do things the same way – but yet we aren’t much different. We are still filled with the same hopes and fears of our fathers and mothers and those who paved the way before them.

I can’t help but wonder how God will take care of me and my family when the future arrives. I can’t lie… that is a point of worry at times… but not that I spend too much time worrying about that. Who has time to worry about the future, anyway?
But that fact is I’ve chosen a profession that doesn’t pay, I’d say,. I’m not in it for the money. I’d be a fool if I were. But youth ministry isn’t the kind of career that has the benefits of others. No union. No real pension. No long term plan. Heck, most youth workers are long removed from that form of ministry by the time they hit mid-life.

I won’t really have much when that time comes to ‘hang it up’. I got a statement from my pension plan the other day. Right now, I’ve got enough to survive for roughly 1 month after I would retire. So yeah, youth ministry doesn’t hold long term stability, in the financial sense.

But that is not why I chose this profession. Money isn’t everything. Not that I fully believe that all of the time. But I know in my heart of hearts that there is more to life than cash money.

So I guess as I write this and think about change, I guess I am forcing myself to think about when certain changes do come in my life and in the life o my family, it will truly place us in the hands of God… in the midst of his loving care. I can only hope that he will, over time, reveal more and more his grace and love to me so that I may be comforted about future endeavors. Maybe I am being shown what it will look like to truly be a child of God – even as my years go by.

Got to maintain that hope though. You take away a man’s hope and you take away his life. I learned that lesson from the movie The Shawshank Redemption.

But alas, this post was and is about change. I could talk for hours. Change in the church. Change in the way we do youth ministry. Change in the way we attempt to reach the non-churched, young and old. Those questions are heavy on my heart. But at the heart of any ‘real’ question is a quest.

My quest is appearing to be long and hard and full of more questions.