Friday, December 14, 2007

the gift that keeps on giving

Acute viral nasopharyngitis. it's name strikes fear into the hearts of man. i've heard it's a more powerful torture technique than waterboarding. 'twas the real reason Hitler took that cyanide pill. it's why Osama hates America.

they call it the common cold. and it has tormented my family for almost 4 weeks now.

since Thanksgiving eve - someone has been sick in our family. it started with me - nothing more than a cold, followed by severe cough... then it went to micah, then jen and then Addie... well now 24 days later it is back to me... again.

great. what joy. ironically, my two colds have coincided with raking leaves. hmm. colds and leaves? is this a punishment left over from Sodom and Gomorrah?

i was wondering this morning, as i was trying to extract that stuff that fills one's head, chest and throat when one has a cold "I wonder who was the first person to get a cold? What did they think? (and were they raking leaves when the symptoms came upon them?)"

i've determined that it must have been Able. He was probably out working in the fields with his brother Cain - both getting their offering ready for the Lord. Adam & Eve - mom & dad were back at camp preparing the evening meal of twice fried barley grains and a side of passion fruit (of course). As Cain and Able finished up their work, suddenly something so violent came upon Able... it came from the bellows of his abdomen. I know what your thinking... Able wasn't violent - but I'm betting that his first ever sneeze was.

After receiving the brunt of the sneeze and without a pause, Cain turned to Able and said 'God bless you.' and the rest was history. Able's symptoms were not noticed by anyone else, i'm guessing. After Able wiped away the yellow mucus - he presented his offering to the Lord... and well, so did Cain...

and so Cain was banished... and as he left - he took on those first germs and from hence forth -
Acute viral nasopharyngitis spread across the land.

Rumor has it that Moses had a cold when he first went to speak to Pharaoh - thus Aaron had to speak for him... i think that's right.

Well anyway I am battling this ugly thing. It has overtaken my body like that alien that came out of Sigourney Weaver's stomach in the movie Alien.

let's hope i get rid of it a little less violently.

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