Friday, March 16, 2007

[untitled] making sense of thought.

it's all very interesting...

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness

The last lines from Snow Patrol's song Make This Go On Forever.

at this point i feel like i've been burnt by the sun - only to realize that it was my own faulty lamp that did the burning. it was man-made. it was of my own volition. i have been growing closer to the Father during this Lenten season... learning about love and journey and discipleship. temptation has strayed from me during this time...i've noticed those desires have waned.

but i feel burnt. and now i realize that maybe that burning sensation is a result of me sitting to close to the fire.

God's been speaking within me for quite some time now. i've been waiting patiently for him to come to me. now i realize i need to come to him. i feel so inspired - but my dreams feel squelched. i should point out that some of those 'dreams' have yet to be realized in full by me... but they are there. The Spirit is in them. i know.

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. - Romans 8:25-27

it's like that moment in Lost in Translation where Scarlett Johansonn is sitting in her hotel room, staring out the window with Tombid [mp3] by Squarepusher playing. i'm staring out that window knowing full well that wonderment and discovery are on the horizon - yet i don't know where to look exactly. And thus i don't really know how to pray right now. or maybe i'm learning how to pray. or maybe the Spirit is taking care of it.

i like how the Message Remix translates it:

26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

on a recent Lenten blog post from Grace in England the author wrote this: To appreciate the sunrise you have to sit through the night. the question is: are we ready to sit through the night? we want it and we want it now. we want change - a better way - a hope for the future - a challenge - a dusty, dirty apprenticeship. but are we... am i willing to sit through the night?

Are you on the same journey? if not are you willing to join as we collectively discover the greatness inside of us -- as we learn together the plan that God has for us - and how they are intertwined like a shredded wheat biscuit? can we sit through the night and not get to close to the fire? the fire that is ours and not Gods? can we wait it out - be patient enough to fully enjoy + encompass the beautiful sunrise that breads new life + new beginnings?

i don't always know where to look. Sometimes i don't even have the words. But my spirit groans. it knows.

if you have 5 minutes - watch THIS video by Icelandic band Sigur Ros. it sums up the anticipation of something fabulous, adventurous, bold + free that i feel inside. the Spirit is right along side of me and His love for me will be worked into something good.

we are on the cusp of something spectacular. it just might change the face of the outward expression of our faith.





i am on a journey. will you join me?

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