Tuesday, May 15, 2007

a self portrait of randomness

Not a fan of death… it’s so… final.
I’m tired.
Don’t know how to feel.
I miss the small things.
I somewhat feel guilty that I had (for God knows why) thoughts about my dad dying about a month or two before.
Fears come and go.
Less today than yesterday.
But it has forced me to put things in perspective.
Take nothing for granted.

Big word. Big problem, presumably.
I’t’s too easy to lust after that which isn’t mine – or that which I'd like to own.
A home. Video equipment. More music (cuz I don’t have enough?)
I have never gotten used to the fact that I will never make money as long as I’m working in ministry.
But I don’t do it for the money… I’d be a fool, otherwise anyway.
I am thankful for the passion God has given me for youth ministry and creative worship.

It appears we have some ‘suspicious’ neighbors.
A few are teenagers – one with a banged up car with no muffler – who likes to leave 2 or 3 times a night, usually between 1 and 3 am. He’s gone for 10 minutes and returns.
It should be against the law to drive a car without a muffler.
‘sweet’ smelling smoke is often looming. it blows in through our window fan.
The other day, the inhabitants were partying at a children’s park (behind their duplex – beside our house) – alcohol and all… on the playground, mind you.
is it even any of my business?
They kind of avoid us…

I was on hold for 40 minutes today.

Nothing compares to listening to a favorite album that you haven’t listened to in a while.
This evening, The Joshua Tree brought me great joy.

I want to run.
I want to hide.
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.


(from melancholy to bliss... a self portrait that gives thanks to God for that which is beautiful)
LIFE is beautiful
MUSIC is beautiful
OPPORTUNITY is beautiful
I am beautiful (even when the lilly's don't look pleasing to the eye...)

No comments: