We are standing on a road,
on a road to nowhere
There's a place for all of this
They don't care
We don't care
You can't break us down*
they say that life is what happens when your making other plans. i say life is what happens when other plans make you. In this past two weeks we've seen 22,000 die in Mayanmar after a deadly cyclone, 12,000 are now dead after a massive earthquake rocked China and 30+ died after a series of twisters hit areas throughout the midwest. Add to that the chaos of life that ensued after I learned that my very own mom would need an entire hysterectomy to remove a mass the size of a baseball that had been discovered in or around her ovaries. My grandmother, whom died 5 years before I was born, passed away from Ovarian cancer, on May 8th, 1969. My mom was scheduled for surgery on May 8th, 2008.
After surgery, Doctor Hopkins met with me and one of my sisters and some pastor friends of the family. He disclosed that they had removed the tumor - but that it was throughout her fallopian tubes. It was a very rare form of cancer... some 3.6 out of 1 million woman have been diagnosed with fallopian tubal cancer. It is believed that this kind of cancer is genetically linked to those who had a parent with ovarian cancer. Thankfully, there was no cancer in the surrounding tissue, which is good, but she will need to undergo chemotherapy. My mom's cancer is stage one.
This all came as quite a shock. I was prepared for the surgery and the things that come with that - but i had not begun to think about the possibility of cancer. And so other plans have now made us... much like the many others throughout the world today who have been stuck with disaster... big and small.
And yet i can't stop thinking about what good friend and pastor Carl Kandel said to me as he left the waiting room last Thursday... "God's going to reveal himself in a big way. You watch and see."
that is hard to think about when we realize how much our 'plans' for this summer may change as a result of my mom's treatments. The selfish person inside of me can't help but think how my life will be changed... what about my mothers? our realm of perspective is narrow when disaster strikes. I am having trouble seeing the big picture. I see the thread - but he shows the tapestry... "God's going to reveal himself in a big way. You watch and see." I see the dirt, but he sees the field of flowers... "God's going to reveal himself in a big way. You watch and see." I hear the word - but he speaks the sonnet. "God's going to reveal himself in a big way. You watch and see." I see the tree - but God shows me the forest and the life that dwells within it. "God's going to reveal himself in a big way. You watch and see." I see the ray of light - but he gives me the beautiful sun setting in the distance.
I am learning to trust again... trusting that his canvas is larger than mine... his brush is showing me what Monet never dreamed of. I have to trust that God will provide and will not take away that which has been given to expand the kingdom. In his time.
*The Appleseed Cast - Here We Are (Family in the Hallways)