why is it...

...that every cell phone user over the age of 50 has 'When the Saints Go Marching in' as their ring tone?

Christmas and everything after

Christmastime... a joy for all. watching our kids come down the stairs with pure joy... pure delight in their eyes... that was the best present ever. Santa was good to us, but how will he pay for it all?

i just have a few question for big Santa (not to be mistaken for Bigthana):

-why make it so difficult for us parents to unpackage a toy that 'lil boys and girls want to play with RIGHT AWAY! some toys are screwed into a piece of cardboard... others are wound so tight with industrial strength twist-ties.

-why does new plastid have that stank to it?

-does Rudolph not like apples now? we didn't get the memo.

-can you tell the elves over at Fisher Price to get on the ball? my son's FP3 isn't working right... the software wont install on my laptop... what elf is gonna help me get that straightened out?

it has been a good day, though... a good couple of days. it is always kind of sad to see the holidays come and go... it means that life now must go on. in a few short days - we'll be reflecting on the past year - as well as looking towards the future that lies ahead.

alas - let us not forget the miracle of the Saviors birth for which this time has been set aside to remember. Baby Jesus, Mary & Jopesh (as Micah calls him), the shepherds, animals in the barn, the wise men... seeking the child messiah... the savior of the world. born a lowly birth - becoming all parts man - and yet still all parts God. what a wonderful day it was 2000 years ago. frankly glorious.

Rejoice!

Hope defined.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

nevermind.

i watched VH1 Classic's series Classic Albums last nite... the album was Nirvana's Nevermind, recorded in 1991.

the band recorded most of the album in Los Angeles - because record execs from DGC wanted to keep an eye on things. When the band was in LA, they stayed at the Oakwood Apartments on Barham Blvd. 5 years later - i would reside in that same apartment complex while attending Film School. I can only wonder what apartment Nirvana stayed in... maybe it was mine...

Nevermind is one of the greatest albums of all time. Watching Classic Albums makes me appreciate it even more.

Over the Rhine in concert

last Tuesday, i took my wife to see Over the Rhine in concert @ the Kent Stage in Kent, Ohio. We have had many opportunities to see them and everytime something interfered. This time, we made time for OtR and we are both glad we did.

The show started at just about 10 past 8. There was no opening act... just Over the Rhine...



Karin Bergquist - vocals, guitar, shaker
Linford Detweiler - keyboards, guitar, vocals
with...
Jake Bradley - acoustic and electric bass
Mickey Grimm - drums, percussion

they played for 2 solid hours... mostly Christmas stuff from their new Christmas CD titled Snow Angels that has just released. They also played 4 or 5 songs from an album that is in the works and, acording to Linford, will be released in 2007, titled The Trumpet Child. The new stuff was phenominal...

There was a nice atmosphere at the Kent Stage. it was an intimate show... a full house of approx. 750 people. Hearing Karin's vocals in person was amazing. Her voice... her style is exceptional. And Linford is no slouch himself, playing the piano, hammond b-3 organ, accordian & guitar. it was a tight show with a jazzy feel. The smell of coffee filled the venue - as OtR was brewing & selling their own unique blend. We walked away with joy in our hearts and a few OtR cd's ta' boot.

Here is the set list... 21 songs... 2 encores...
Fever
Born
White Horse
Darlin' (Christmas Is Coming)
Little Town
I Don't Wanna Waste Your Time
Nothing Is Innocent Now
The Trumpet Child
Who Am I Kidding?
All I Ever Get For Christmas Is Blue
North Pole Man
Goodbye Charles
Snowed In With You
Snow Angel
Trouble
Orphan Girl
Drunkard's Prayer

First Encore:
Baby It's Cold Outside
Jack's Valentine

Second Encore:
If A Song Could Be President
All I Need Is Everything

extraction

bottom left wisdom tooth (i.e. #17) has left the building.

i only had to get one wisdom tooth removed - not that there is any less pain or anything. but it is out - and i am left with an empty feeling, lots of swelling and a jaw that still can hardly open.

a brief history of how said events went down:

Feb 2, 2005: Tim chips a tooth on a crouton at the Golden Corral while celebrating a birthday meal with the in-laws.

August 2005: Tooth hurts. Tim buys Ambesol.

Feb 2, 2006: Tim celebrates another birthday and the one year anniversary of chipping #17.

June 2006: Tooth hurts "real bad"

July 2006: Pain disipates.

Day before Thanksgiving 2006: Tim wakes up in the middle of the night in extreme pain. Jen says "have you given birth to two children? You don't know pain." Rolls over and goes to sleep.

Nov 30, 2006: Tim gets ner a wink of sleep... sez he'll call dentist in morning if tooth pain persists.

Dec 1, 2006: Pain subsizes. Tim goes to Wooster.

Dec 2, 2006: worst.pain.ever. its a Saturday. what dentist is open on a Saturday... during Christmas shopping season? Nadda. Calls dentists emergency number... ordered to take 800mg of Advil. Appointment set for Monday @ Noon.

Dec 4, 2006: Tim sees an old friend from high school at dentists office. is greeted with a smile. Gets in the chair. Dr. Sales falls off his when he sees the work of art that is #17.

Dec 4, 2006: 3pm appointment with Dr. Johnson, Oral Surgeon - to get #17 removed from the premisis.

3:15... three needles of novacaine. ouch. i think one of 'em went through my gums and jaw straight into my ear.

3:25... waiting for the procedure... what no radio? this is a doctors office and i have to sit in silence? i set up a game plan in my mind: during the events relating to the extraction of tooth i will recite Super Bowl I-XL winners and MVP's. This will no doubt take my mind off the misery that will ensue.

3:30... time has come... Dr. Johnson says do you feel pressure or pain? what's the difference? like a man on a mission he begins... "wait, i need time to start reciting my Super Bowl stats... ah forget it..." i close my eyes and break out into a full body sweat."

3:32... dental assistant tells me to relax my cheek. easy for her to say.

3:37... after hearing god-awful noises - the events are complete. i ask to see the tooth... it broke into a couple of pieces. it is nasty looking. i ask if i can have it (to sell on eBay). they say they want to keep it for scientific purposes.

3:45... puffy cheek and all - i leave the place - $199 lighter in the wallet. 1 less tooth to brush. sweet.

6:15... novacaine wears off... first signs of real pain. luckily 800 mg of Advil does the trick. my perscription for Vicoden remains unclaimed. i didn't want to take it if i didn't have to.

The End.

oh, i survived, by the way.

note to self

why is it that emergencies always happen on the weekend.
chalk this one up in the stupidity department.

it all started nearly 2 years ago on my birthday. I chiped a wisdom tooth on a crouton of all things. well over the past 22 months, said wisdom tooth has been in the slow process of decaying away. yeah, gross.

last week, the night before Thanksgiving, said tooth sent sharp, pulsating pain up and down the left side of my jaw. I woke up the next morn to no such pain.

then, 2 days ago, while watching Grey's Anatomy said tooth again sent pulsating pain from ear to chin. I just thought ye ole tooth was updet that Dr. Burke and Dr. Yang weren't going to be punished for their err in judgement. i woke up Friday morning to no pain, so i proceeded on with my day - with intentions to call Dr. Sales. I went out of town for a meeting in Wooster. By the time i returned - it was after 4pm... i called and the office was closed. no biggie... i wasn't feeling any pain.

and thus you know what happened next - almost immidiately the pain returned and i swear the tooth in question has moved - to the point that i really can't put my teeth together - top and bottom - on the left side of my mouth.

i was able to get to sleep last nite - but am still in a lot of pain. fun fun. now i am plotting my next move. and of course - it's a weekend.

oh well. i swear some of these things happen to me only so that i will have an interesting story to tell to my grandkids about the importance of flossing.

Firefox

it dawned on me today that my blog doesn't look the way i think it looks - that is if people are viewing it in Internet Explorer.

i use FIREFOX - which, i might add is so much better than IE.

here is irony for you: the new IE7 just came out... well someone at firefox bought the url to www.ie7.com

go there and then click on the firefox link and download Mozilla Firefox now!

Rain Down

rain down your love on us
rain down your greatness
rain down your love on us
rain down your peace









a gentle rain fell this morning.
it was pleasing to my soul.

blank

feeling blank.
empty.
trying to find
the truth within.
God is speaking.
am i listening? processing?
to lazy to formulate...
because it takes work.
and then the Lord spoke...
and i listened...
and this is how i responded...










circle me o God
let your arms enfold me

circle me o God
let your love surround.

circle me o God
let your light shine brightly.

circle me, circle me o God.

circle me o God
when i'm weak and weary.

circle me o God
when despair is near.

circle me o God
let your peace surround me.

circle me, circle me o God.

circle me o God
when i'm tired and restless.

circle me o God
be my hope, my strength.

circle me o God
let your presence guide me.

circle me, circle me o God.









LISTENING TO: Jeff Johnson - A Thin Silence.

black friday

never again. well, at least not until next year.

so i decided to venture out into the crisp, fogging morning air to wait in line for the new Nintendo Wii gaming system.

i arrived @ Best Buy first but the line was at least a quarter of a mile long... i'd guess maybe 4 or 5,000 people waiting... oh and it was 3:45 am... so from there i went across the parking lot to an EB Games store. i was # 14 in line but the word from a friend of an employee was that only 9 were available. from there i drove over to the Target/Kohl's complex to a Game Stop. I was 12th in line there. Word was there were 20 available here, so i was feeling pretty good. i waited outside in 20 degree temperatures until 6:15 when a Game Stop employee showed up. He came out and told us that only 5 were available. but hey, my time wasn't a total waste. i got to here all about the guy beside me and how he met his wife online and moved here from California. he once waited in line all night for AC/DC Back in Black concert tickets in 1980.

shame on me for buying into the mindset of American consumerism. pun inteneded.

no man is an island (a.k.a. the journey to the end of the peer or how random life lived out leads to direction if ones eyes are opened to the light)

the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

what if that one step is off the end of a short peer?

about a month ago i got a new chair for my office. rather than thinking it through, i purchased the cheapest office chair available. not realizing that a good part of every day would be spent in such a chair - i was nothing short of disappointed upon using said chair that next day. i skimped out on the most important aspect a chair: comfort.

but maybe comfort shouldn't always be priority #1 in my life. secondly, i had 100% faith that the chair would do what it was supposed to do, i.e. hold me up as i sat on it - yet i was not satisfied because i wasn't comfortable.

this past weekend, the theme of journey kept invading my soul, my heart + my mind. even as i write this, i am not entirely sure what that means, but i am running with the idea. i think at some level we are all on a journey. for those of us who follow The Way (the teachings and example of Christ) - our journey is one to the cross... a journey of sacrifice and service with a dab of humility and empathy mixed in. this makes our journey a bit uncomfortable. for others who do not yet follow The One, Jesus Christ - they are on a journey as well - a journey to find fulfillment and purpose and peace, love + understanding. so we all travel the road, walking beside each other, seeking + searching. Some follow the map - some wander astray. all of us are uncomfortable... except for those who have taken a rest or have settled or are content.

i heard a quote from an 80 year old man once. He was a lifelong follower of Jesus. He said "i'm committed to a long walk in the right direction." for me, i can't help but think that my long walk has just taken me off a short peer. like Peter - i struggle to have faith - not enough faith - you either have it or you don't. do i have the faith in Jesus - believing that He is who He says He is? Faith that He is the Way, Truth + Life - and the only one who gets me to the Father in heaven (John 14:6)... or is it more of a question of 'do i have enough faith in myself'- faith to walk like Jesus (1 John 2:6) - to be like Him, to live like Him, to lead + disciple others like Him? that is the faith question that is invading me along this new part of my journey.

there was a long process of becoming a Rabbi - back in Jesus' day. a certain number of tests and skills needed to be mastered before you could be taken on. when chosen, an apprentice of a Rabbi would follow their teacher - striving to learn all that there was to learn from that wise Rabbi whom they had been placed with - they would literally take on dust and dirt from the Rabbi leading them that their cloaks and tunics would be covered and stained. in order to be like the Rabbi and learn from the Rabbi you would have to get dirty. The journey of a disciple is much the same. Only the disciples of Jesus were the Rabbi Apprentice rejects. They were fisherman and tax collectors... men who had to take on their father's trade. Yet Jesus comes along and calls them. They were not equipped for the journey that was ahead of them. Jesus doesn't call the equipped though - he equips those he calls.

the journey of a disciple is dirty and long and difficult and uncomfortable. their first step was off a short peer. it was sink or swim. but it was that which was uncomfortable for them that made them prepared to face the persecution and (eventually) understand the signs and wonders of Christ. Jesus did not spoon feed. There was no milk from the breast - it was meat and potatoes. their journey with Jesus prepared them for kingdom greatness and glory (Acts 2)... and the glory went to God, not man.

i am now realizing that i am on a journey with Christ. on this journey new things are being revealed. new passions are being placed within my heart + mind. discipline + discipleship are the keys i have been handed. creativity is the tool. now its time to teach others and to invite them to journey with me. it's time to get dirty... to get wet... to get uncomfortable... again... and again... for the sake of Christ - so that others may experience His glory + love.


the JOURNEY is

discipline................+.............discipleship

cre8tivity is the tool.

"come with" - Jesus.

Factors of the Seven: Answering the Call

Tomorrow marks Seven years. It's an anniversary of sorts of the day in which I followed the leading of Christ - past opportunites and doors opened by some, later closed by me and eventually towards a rare chance at a career changed pre-ordained by God. On November 15th, 1999 I was interviewed and hired on the spot as Director of Youth Ministries at Christ UMC.

The story actually can be traced back a few months prior. I pastor friend of mine - a man whom I truly trusted, had continually prodded me and joked with me about when the time was going to be right for me to enter the ministry. It was in August of that year when Pastor Mike asked me to take the job of Youth Director at his church. I prayerfully considered it... but eventually turned it down. It just didn't feel right. During the months after that, another pastor friend of mine (my former Youth Pastor, Bubba) had shared with me a few words of wisdom and guidance. Little did i even realize that God was speaking to me through them - preparing the way for a calling that was building within my heart.

It was through those two men and through other doors that opened that I finally stepped on through with faith in my heart and answered the call. Seven years have now come and gone and I am still in awe at how God has used me, is using me and will use me in the time to come.

Seven years have come and gone. Where will he lead me next? I have a genuine passion for youth ministry. I am always anticipating the journey that lies ahead. Thank you Jesus.

Seven strong.

And i can still hear the last words that my grandfather ever shared with me, just over 10 years ago - in August of '96... He asked me, with tears in his eyes "Tim, when are you going to enter the ministry?" He knew something. It may have taken me 3 years after that conversation to figure it out for myself, but my way was being prepared. The path was being made known to me. I strive to continue to walk the straight and narrow for narrow is the path that leads to righteousness.

mii

i am me.

i like who i am. i like being myself... being original.... in my own way.


{sigh}



change
challenge
connection

patterns

patterns.

we have many in our lives... some good... some not so good.
patterns of behavior. structure for daily living.
habits form quickly. although the bad ones seem to form quicker.

i think we all get to a point in our lives where we desire change... we desire standing out... we desire a faith lived out boldly, courageously and lovingly.

that is the pattern i strive to obtain. i want the pattern of Christ to be plastered across my chest. no appologies.

what patterns are you wearing?

5k and indian summer

On Saturday, I ran in my first 5k race (3.1 miles). Back in early September my wife wanted to take up running again - so we saved up and bought her the Nike Air + running shoes that can be synced with your iPod. A sensor is placed in the shoe and the iPod tracks your distance, times & splits. Being the stat freak that I am I was immediately jealous. Knowing that I needed to become more physically fit, I decided I just might take up running as well. We soon joined the YMCA and challenged each other to see who could run the most miles in a month (I won!) I found out that a 5k was coming up and decided to register.

The race was part of Mount Union College's homecoming weekend. The morning of the race looked grim. It was dark, raining, windy and cold. At race time it was 38 degrees.

I was a noticable rookie at this race... I didn't have the proper running attire - I did go out and buy one of those skin tight shirts that looked like it was a toddlers shirt... I brought it home, tried it on... and thought not... But alas, I went through with the race. Despite only really 'training' indoors on a treadmill - I was able to get into the 'zone' and the elements didn't really bother me. I actually got a little hot. An older gentleman ran beside me for much of the race... By race end I had passed 7 or 8 people and the old man (I think his name was Roger - he received a loud ovation from supporters once we entered the stadium for the final 200 meters) and I were neck and neck. Roger passed me and put on the burners. I remember thinking "oh man - I can't get beat by a senior citizen". I gave it my all and passed him at the line and came in 75th place (out of 200 or so). My time was 28:14, close to my fastest 5k time. My goal was to finish in under 30 minutes, so I kind of surprised myself. I did feel a little guilty (almost) for passing that old guy - especially because I'm pretty sure he was just jogging. Either way, it wa sa little odd to rejoice in beating someone twice my age... But hey - I was really just glad to complete a goal. I just might run in another race on Thanksgiving morning.

Later that day - we witnessed a rarety... a thunder-snow storm. Yup... lightning, Thunder, Wind... SNOW! What a day.

And now it is two days later and it is currently 71 degrees. We took the kids to the park for some shenanigans and energy burning. Here is a picture that my wife took. It was a tough picture to get - seeing that we had to ask the two guys mowing their lawn behind me to stop and pose as well.

Music/Expression/Project

I came up with this idea recently and so i challenged a few friends to try it with me. The album of choice (one of my favorites of the year thus far) was Mew - And the Glass Handed Kites. Mew is a dannish band that i am simply falling in love with.
[review] [website] [amazon]

Below is word for word what i wrote... what came to mind as I listened. what came to be 57 minutes and 14 tracks later sort of amazed me... the whole process did. Not that i have written something spectacular - but to see how the creative juices flowed... to see how things came full circle. I hope it makes sense. I hope you take the time to read - and eventually listen to a great album. If you are willing to try the same technique - with an album of your choosing - I'd love to read what came of it.

Thanks - tim

----

Mew – And the Glass Handed Kites



















NOTES TAKEN WHILE LISTENING TO MEW.
10.16.06 / 3:46pm

TRACK ONE: Circuitry of the Wolf

A man is trapped… on the run… from what? Himself? His past? Silent followers? He hides in an abandoned building. Upon entering the abandoned place he is opened up to a whole different reality… a different world.
TRACK TWO: Chinaberry Tree
Man thinks about love… his first love… being vulnerable to love…towards his lover.
“tears out for the world to see”
He ponders love maybe lost? Sitting in the corner, graffiti, concrete and wood beams surround him.
[(2:10-3:33) instrumental part of song] 360 degree pan around this man… looking towards the sky… towards the ceiling. What kind of love completes a man? Fills his heart?

TRACK THREE: Why Are you Looking So Grave?
We Are all hiding something. These hidden things in secret places, if not ever revealed traps man… leads to a death of us from inside out. Freedom is desired. Life lived is life freed. Our mouths + eyes hide joy. Joy that we struggle to find.

Only love can bring about that freedom. At the heart of the matter love is desired… Some of us feel like love is not available to us.

TRACK FOUR: Fox Club

TRACK FIVE: Apocalypso
What are we striving to figure out?
Jesus’ parables ask lots of questions… he generally answered questions with more questions.

-

Are our pasts so black, so dirty + cold that we are unable to feel love? Why do w feel the way that we do? Why some + not others?

This blackness does not have to lead to death.
“We will not die. Our days are multiplied.”

“Care-lines – what are your stories all about?”

-

The stories of Jesus are still being talked about. Why? What compels man? We are drawn to Him. His stories, even though they ask more questions – they brought about a feeling of overcoming!
Truth was found in his stories.

TRACK SIX: SPECIAL
In the eyes of God – am I special?

Man walks streets alone. Behind him… following him is that one person – that special one. We can’t take back words… sticks and stones… blah blah blah. Hogwash. Words hurt.
The words of hurt spoken forth by the man have hurt the woman who is following him.
Why the hurtful words? To prove a point? To prove he’s right?

“I know what you said to me… and I don’t care.”

Forgiveness is on the horizon?

TRACK SEVEN: THE ZOOKEEPERS BOY
“Are you my lady?”

A young boy swims on a swing. Playing make believe in the backyard.

The joy of a child at play. [knowledge is creativity to an 8 year old boy]

Darkness + rain are on the horizon. Rain brings an end to play…
Like an ostrich – boy has his head in the sand. He doesn’t care about the rain. The joy and happiness… pure delight…

Thank you God for play. May you delight in our play. May it bring you glory.


TRACK EIGHT: A DARK DESIGN
Relax. Unwind. Rest.

Are some in love with their sickness? Their self-destruction?

Alone on the inside. She cuts. She hides amidst the sickness that invades her being. The sickness has become norm… comfortable… She is used to the pain. She cannot live without it. People love her maladies.

TRACK NINE: SAVIOURS OF JAZZ BALLET
Hollow hearts. Empty. We worship her sin / sickness…
Yet our hearts are empty. Something is missing.

TRACK TEN: AN ENVOY TO THE OPEN FIELDS
Malady. Seen by one and all. She is us. She is him. The man in the corner… much like the woman in the spotlight. Both empty inside. One hidden (man) / one exposed (She)

They feel as though they have nothing in common.

Empty. Missing. We are all on this journey, apart from God – we are nothing. Nothing satisfies. Nothing is truth. No hope. Desperation. We are dying. BRING US BACK TO LIFE.

Awake.

TRACK ELEVEN: SMALL AMBULANCE
Our Savior? Is He near?


TRACK TWELVE: THE SEETHING RAIN WEEPS FOR YOU
What if God himself weeps real tears of rain? Tears from heaven… for us. Tears shed for us?
His heart is breaking for us.

If given a choice to re-live life – how many would run into God sooner? His arms spread out across the horizon… open… spread out across the Cross.
Salvation is near.

As time goes by, Darkness gives way to light. Days go by.
Light is ahead.

TRACK THIRTEEN: WHITE LIPS KISSED
Has death come to soon? Or is it a period of uninterrupted sleep? A nightmare. Am I on the list? Have I been chosen? Have I missed out because I did not choose?

She feels no hope…
He (the man) hides… no expectation… failure doesn’t hurt as much then.
She is afraid to fall so she does not climb.

The soul is wounded. Malady. Unrepairable.
The important things (or that which one thinks is important) leaves us all cold. Warmth of the soul is found only through the sacrifice of the One.

The man is hidden… running away… he lets go of love for good (or so it would seem)

Man + she (hand in hand no more).
He has pulled away.
The stain of his heart will not go away. He can not live with the shame.

Cold air of winter matches his cold heart.


TRACK FOURTEEN: LOUISE LOUISA
Is hope on the horizon? Truth is at arms length. Realization.
Sometimes hitting rock bottom is needed before you can move along.

One’s heart can’t be filled by true love – true love from above – until out heart is broken and spilled out; exposed. The bad, the ugly, the shame… spilled out on the floor... for all to see.

She is realizing.
Hope is near.

“Dig yourself out of the rubble.” The man pulls himself out of the miry pit. (Ps. 40) His dirty clothes are shed like a snakes skin. Darkness gives way to light. No sorrow is desired.

The journey of 1000 miles begins with one step. Forward.
Hands reunited. Walking together as New creations. New beings.

They have found / are finding a new way to be human. No more Alone.

Realization that the One is with them. Not knowing where they are going. None the less, moving forward.

Together.
Hopeful.
Seeking.

[Autumn] + Everything After

Ohio. a great state. but at times like this, the only thing that keeps me here is Ohio State football. I remember in 5th grade our student teacher was finishing up at Ohio State... in one of our spelling tests the bonus word was 'Buckeye'. I just happened to be wearing an Ohio State Buckeyes shirt that day. The teacher caught me trying to look down at my shirt so that I would spell Buckeye correctly. She wouldn't let me look down. To this day - i will never spell Buckeye wrong. I learned the hard way. Had i cheated, i may still not know how to correctly spell it.

but alas, what is the time like this that i referred to in line one of this post? it's our weather. We have gone from Summer right to winter. Autumn has been skipped over... forgotten like a red-headed step child at a rest stop along I-77. frankly, it blows (literally) outside. It's blustery, miserable, uncomfortable. No time for humans to adjust to climate change.

It snowed yesturday. what gives?

I hope it warms up before Saturday - as I am running in a 5k race. I speak this like it's a big deal. It's only 3.1 miles, but it's a big deal for me... It is a goal I've set and i want to accomplish it. in the past 5 weeks i've ran 50 miles. it feels good to be active. I'm not so sure how good it'll be to be active...outside... when it's 35 degrees... with a rain/snow mix smacking me in the face.

i have a lot more to write about... i will get to that later - when time allows... as for now - enjoy
Decoder Ring.

man, i'm glad i stumbled upon this band...

thanks to eMusic.

review of Fractions.

eclipse

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
Beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All thats to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

oops.

in the grand scheme of things are our mistakes and mishaps really worth all of the stress we place on ourselves after an 'oops' moment?

putting your elbow through a 139 million dollar Picasso and not getting stressed? priceless.

"It's just a picture."

disgrace, defeat...

Main Entry: disgrace
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French, from Old Italian disgrazia, from dis- (from Latin) + grazia grace, from Latin gratia -- more at GRACE
1 a : the condition of one fallen from grace or honor b : loss of grace, favor, or honor
2 : a source of shame disgrace> disgrace to the profession>

It made me sick to see what the University of Miami football team did yet again. Yeah, i know, Florida International had a hand in the melay that took place in the third quarter of their football game last Saturday night, but fighting is nothing new for the Hurricanes of Miami. The 'U' is nothing short of a stain on college sports. This is their third such altercation in a year. Who is running the program down there in South Florida? [watch fight here]. Yeah, so the two schools are cross-town rivals... sort of. Yeah - there was some smack talk, but when players come out using their helmets as weapons (one FIU player actually used his crutch to hit people) something drastic needs to be done.

At first it was just one game suspensions for players involved... now most of those suspentions have become indefinite. if i were President of U of M - i'd pull the football program off the field for the rest of the season. No excuse for such behavior. Sportsmanship is a lost art, apparently.














Main Entry: ²defeat
Function: noun
1 : frustration by nullification or by prevention of success defeat in the game>

i felt really bad for the Arizona Cardinals last night. I don't know why... it's not as though they are my favorite team or anything. But they have suffered such heartache for ages. The last two weeks has seen the Cards blow 14+ point leads only to lose the game in the 4th quarter. Last nights loss to the undefeated Bears was particularly painful as the Bears could only muster 3 points on offense, but 2 TD's on defense and 1 on special teams. Chicago scored two TD's in the last 5 minutes but Arizona had one last chance. Matt Leinart (who i think will turn out to be a star in the NFL) led the Cards down the field - and put his team in position to win the game on a 40 yard field goal... alas, the kick was missed... Bears win. The Cardinals have so much potential... but they need an Offensive line desparately.

Now we get to hear about how great the Bears are for two more weeks... they have a bye week coming up.

the Wound

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminder
Of every glove that laid him down
and cut him til he cried out
in his anger and his shame,
"I am leaving,
I am leaving,"
But the fighter still remains.
-Simon & Garfunkel
"The Boxer"


a man is known by his trade. but on the inside, that man knows himself by something else. the hidden wounds define him, sometimes overcome him. but in the end we are what we are. i think all men are fighters... boxers... with scars and hurts masked by strength and testosterone. but out beauty if found in our strength... our strength comes from our DNA, put there for a reason by God himself.

the Lord heals the brokenhearted... heals our wounds...

while arming me with strength as he makes my way perfect.

real strength comes through honesty and integrity... not through muscle or bravado.

observations from 27th & Cleveland

observations while waiting to get brake pads replaced on our Suzuki XL-7

What is it that makes a man feel inept if he doesn't know how to fix his car? i don't know enough about motor vehicles... well, i guess i know enough seeing that i know how to drive one. frankly, isn't that all i really need to know? on the news CNN is talking about Kim Jong Il. I bet he doesn't know how to fix his car. Why is it that every auto repair shop or brake shop or tire place has an old tv sitting on a bunch of boxes playing some news channel? what, is it assumed that people getting their brakes fixed don't like Dr. Phil?

I'll bet Dr. Phil has somebody else take his car to the brake shop. he probably stays back at the studio and sends hate mail to Oprah. not because he hates Oprah but because he loves hate mail.

There is a cobbler shop across the street. i know what your thinking... why is there a shop devoted to fruit desserts with thick crusts. not that kind of cobbler. not a clumsy worker shop either... who gets their shoes repaired these days? how much money does a cobbler make in a year? how does a cobbler make enough to pay his rent? many questions... i know.... not meant to be answered i'm afraid.

if i owned a carpet store i'd call it Carpet Diem.

as i look north down Cleveland avenue i see something you don't see everyday... A sweeper repair shop. who gets their sweeper repaired these days? what are the odds that a sweeper store is down the street from a shoe repair shop? does the sweeper repair shop sell brooms? what if the cobbler was a sloppy worker who repaired shoes and sold fruit desserts with a thick crust? why am i back to talking about the cobbler?

about a month ago i bought my first pair of non-Adidas athletic shoes in 15 years. my wife and i both have the Nike Air + shoes that can sync up with your iPod. in the past month i have ran almost 40 miles. i never ran much before this. my love for stats outweighs my love for Adidas - so i can justify such a purchase. The Nike + system tracks all of your running stats on line. Jen and i are training to run in a 5K on Sat. Oct. 28th. it's a little ironic that while sitting in the Midas brake shop that i thought about my shoes, seeing that the front axel brake shoes were being replaced. My car tracks how far it runs, too... just like the Nike Air +. who knew man and machine would come so close to being the same. i think i need to go watch the Matrix Revolutions.

$205 lighter and 2 and a half hours later... i'm out.













enjoying Boards of Canada at this moment.

new look

i hope you like it.

i wasted a whole evening working on it.

Friday Night Lights

tonite i watched the movie Friday Night Lights again... it was on Encore... i had to watch it...

Each time i watch it i always have this hidden desire deep within that Panther QB Mike Winchell will make it into the end zone for the winning score on the last play of the game...













one yard short... every time...

there is nothing that compares to High School football... Texas... Ohio... Pennsyvania... high school football is king in those parts...

Friday Night Lights
one of my favorite books...
one of my favorite movies...
now one of my favorite tv shows

i want to live...

in this house.

what the world thinks...

just because a minute few so-called 'Christians' act a fool doesn't mean we all are fools...

not dark yet (but it's getting there)

Shadows are falling and I've been here all day
It's too hot to sleep time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal
There's not even room enough to be anywhere
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

people are really hurting.
what makes a man do the things he does?
killing the innocent. taking lives... by what right?
why death?

tormented by pain or memories or guilt?
cuts are deep...

why do we not notice? how can things be so hidden from us?
after all we are all walking wounded... we all desire healing...

are we just looking the other way... staring at the ground to avoid eye contact?
'hi, how are you's' that have no depth... focused on what to say next, rather than listening... truly listening...

mankind is sick. maybe the reality is that we can't fix everybody.

mending can really only come from above.

how can my witness help others experience Christ? maybe honesty... more, brutal honesty is needed. maybe we shouldn't be so content... maybe we 'christians' should be less concerned with who'll win the next election and more concerned about boldly preaching Christ.

people are dying... some are still technically living but you know what i mean... their hands are at their sides and then there is Jesus - stretching out his hands of love... from the cross... from above... are we just not honest enough to tell them where to look to find the embrace of heaven?

i don't know... my heart is full of sorrow... people are dying and taking others with them because of hurt. when will it end?

looking for the baby in the cake

if you want to feel inspired sometimes you have to search, dig, root + till the earth. if you don't have a tractor, rake or shovel - this can be a difficult task.

in mid august i was on a plain... a high plain of imagination, inspiration, innovation. good things come in threes but after the music fades how long must one wait until either the reaper or the keeper returns?

in the time since the music of creativity that spins out of control in my brain faded. i was at peace. i was relaxed. that is the real reason why my blogging ceased. it was as if the reaper came and took away thought process in one fail swoop. but i did not mind. i needed a time of nothing. the relaxation experienced for one week in September was the most refreshing time for me ever. i came back to my reality relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated. but in the time since - it has been a struggle to get the juices of creativity flowing... from mind to pen or keyboard or mouse.

and so with that God allowed me to be at my best... through it all, God pulled me up and placed me back on the plain. i was forced to rely on Him. in the past month - i have kicked off another year as Director of Youth Ministries... year 8 is underway and it is so fresh and so clean... it would put OutKast to shame. our ministry is more hands on this year... sub themes of contemplation, creativity and relationship building are on the forefront... embraced (thus far) by one and all. to God be the glory. we've already had intense study, discussion and challenge... and God is teaching me a new way... a month in to this, i am now realizing that God is teaching me a new way... a new way to be human, perhaps. i even preached last week and the words came... God provided... i was responsible enough to also notice the few, minute lapses... moments where the congregation would not notice - but where i noticed... places where i had under-prepared... under-studied... and in that moment - while preaching, God said "get in the word!" none the less, this new way of seeing things can only be attributed to God... and much of it can be traced back to that peak time of creative genius back in August.

so here i am today... trying to get back to my creative self. wanting to be inspired... wanting to be shown more and more 'new' things. and so i dig. it's time to get my hands dirty again.

it's time in my life to begin new habits. allow me to be blunt... a need to form a habit of 'digesting the Word'.

i need to live it, breathe it, eat it. i am clamoring for the scriptures to become alive again in me. this is the one instance in which a lack of digestion of the word will leave one with nothing but indigestion in the soul. i've had an upset stomach for a while now (figuratively) and only the Holy, living word of God will satisfy. [thank you to many - including my friend Eli for helping me to realize this].

they say it takes 21 days to make something a habit. less than 3 weeks ago, my wife and i joined the YMCA... since then - we have already made it a habit of running... at least 4 times a week. in the past 19 days i've ran 24 miles... (my wife has run 27 miles) it didn't take long for me to make running a habit. i am ready for the Word to become habit. i am ready for creativity to overcome my state of being.

there is a Mardi Gras tradition of baking a King Cake (a cake with a toy baby inside.) when cake is served, the person who gets the baby in their piece of cake is crowned king or queen and is honored with the ability to host next year's party. my friends, this life... this path that we are on... this journey is all about being crowned King or Queen... only our reward is a heavenly party that can not be topped. we are all searching, digging longing to find that which elevates our hearts and minds. some are tempted to stop...others are enlightened to keep on keepin' on.

i have a dream... a dream for me, a dream for us. let the kingdom come. let the inspiration come. let the witnesses of all things heavenly unite to tell the story of Christ in new, creative, fresh, innovative, imaginative ways. may we put pen to paper, brush to the canvas, fingers to the keyboard... may the breathe of God inhabit His people. may the lost be found... may the fallen be lifted... are you ready for the journey?




enjoy Chiddingstone.
i'm back.

THE 10: reasons why i haven't blogged but 4 times in last 2 months

10. the blogging portion in my frontal loab is on hiatus.
9. i joined the Y and took up running.
8. i rented Season One of Grey's Anatomy and my wife and i were hooked - leading to a 10 day span of nothing but Grey's (season one + season 2 = 36 episodes) just in time for the season premiere of season 3.
7. i'm Lost.
6. my wife made an apple pie.
5. i decided to have a mid-life crisis for the sole purpose of justifying a purchase of a Hummer H3 (because i saw one in the mall). said mid-life crisis gave way to a weekend binge on nothing but Subway leading to my future disdain for Jarrod. He's a liar... no one can eat Subway for every meal. this has nothing to do with blogging. i am grasping at straws.
4. there is a new sheriff in town and his name is El Polio Loco.
3. the calendar on my desk still says August 28th?
2. i got nothin'
1. contemplation has temporarily escaped me... i am striving to retrieve it... stay tuned.

enjoy hair..

THE 10: things i've learned this week

10. there is never enough time in a day to do the things one would like to do.
9. the crib seems no longer suitable in the eyes of my 15 month old daughter. if she could speak in full sentences - i am quite certain she would tell us that she would rather have a queen sized bed.
8. my friend Bryan is a whimsical genius of dry humor. one can only hope Costa Rica will understand.
7. sometimes words seem like they should have an 's' instead of a 'c'. i've given up caring which should be which. is it sentense or sentence? defence or defense?
6. Grey's Anatomy is addicting. We rented season 1 from the library after my wife decided Sunday nite that we were gonna start watching said show this season. we watched all 9 episodes in 2 days... she's gonna get season 2 today... so we have to watch 27 episodes before next Thursday @ 9pm.
5. Joining the YMCA is a good thing for me, us, you, pedro.
4. it can be quite a fearful thing to try out a new piece of equipment in the fitness room at the Y... especially with other people in the room. Thankfully - the treadmill was nice to me... except at the beginning - i chose to do a Cardio workout and it wouldn't let me get my heart rate above 118.... therefore limiting me to a brisk walking pace. it must have thought i was a 90 year old man or something. after about 5 minutes i figured out how to manually use the machine. i ran 2 miles... felt good... but it was weird getting off the thing. i guess your supposed to press STOP... not just jump off... (i kid, i kid).
3. with Micah starting pre-school this week combined with our new membership at ye ole YMCA - it is certain that we are going to have to meet new people. it is so much easier to just say 'Hi' and look at the ground.
2. addendum: it is certain that i will also be forced to see people i went to High School with... oh how the awkward stages of adolescence is flooding back into my soul. i hope i don't get picked last for dodge ball.
1. the ashamed feeling is starting to go away. i purchased my first pair of non-Adidas athletic shoes in 16 years. the guilt is fading... only because my new Nike Air Plus shoes are so comfortable to run in... Thankfully only the Treadmill will even know that i have abandoned my passion of only wearing Adidas shoes forever. No one else will ever know... shhh... don't tell.

...remember...

i remember eating breakfast at Cracker Barrell. We were celebrating a co-workers birthday. The waitress came out, shaking as she added water to my glass. "A plane just hit the world trade center." 'What building is the World Trade Center?', i thought to myself... i knew of the building but at the moment, i couldn't picture it.

on the way home, we turned on the radio... ABC news and Peter Jennings reported... as we drove out of the parking lot, the radio waves sent sounds of a great rumble. WTC #2 had just collapsed. we rushed to get home. my dad came inside with me imediately. we turned on the TV just in time to see Tower #1 fall.

i tried to go to work that afternoon, but not much was ackomplished... things seemed so trivial in light of the events in NYC, Washington DC & Shanksville, PA.

i will never forget...

roots.

summer/simplicity

get lost.

not dark yet.

due to unforseen circumstances (some forseen - i.e. vacation) i have not been blogging as of late.

point of interest:
1. Linksys wireless routers (specifically the WRT54G model) blow.
2. The itch is back... no - i am not talking about some sort of fungus that has invaded my skin... i am talking about the GOLFING itch. it's back. i want to golf every day.
3. my wife is now officially a photographer. I am so very proud of her!
4. I want my summer back... please.

as soon as we get back online and networked, i will blog.

as for now:

enjoy the genius that is Bob Dylan. able to reinvent himself and remain relevant.

taking a moment

while reading Mark Yaconelli's book Contemplative Youth Ministry i was driven to spend a few moments in quiet... to become aware of surroundings... the colros, shapes & smells... to listen to the noises that surround my ears... to gently direct my attention toward God... so quietly i turned my awareness to the presense of God within all that i was able to see, hear and feel.

Without forcing anything - I spent just a few moments trying, as the book promted, to open up to the Divine Love within the reality of the moment.

As i was sitting there - resting... feeling a needed moment of rest, my eyes closed. As i was trying to 'take in' God my mind began to picture images... the images were scenes from a hospital... with those images the word RISK appeared in my mind.

My ears began to focus on the words of the music: my iPod was on shuffle. the song of the moment: Muse - Unintended from the album Showbiz.

The lyrics to the song began to resonate within me. was it a coinsidence that this song was playing? probably not.

Here were the lyrics that i heard (yes - i looked them up afterword):

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


Before you


Yeah, i am sure that this song is about a girl... but i couldn't help see the corelation between our relationships with other humans and our relationship with God.

don't we always feel like we need to get our life in order before we go to God? don't we feel like we have to fix ourselves first - and yet, God and God alone is the only one capable of fixing us, mere broken vessels with broken hearts that can only be mended by the Maker and giver of love eternal?

Shouldn't God be the one we'll always love? and even if we resist him He loves us still. Unconditional.

that is where Risk comes in to play. it takes risk for us to be fixed... because we become used to the pain... to the point that the pain gives us security... it's a trap... a deception...

were my images of a hospital tied to the word 'Risk' and the lyrics to that Muse song?

whatever it is or was - it makes me believe all the more that God can and will use any means to speak to us... He'll do anything to get our attention so that we may feel and experience his love. i think that this is all about LOVE!

"I love you without condition. come to me. my arms are open. a hospital can not fix you... I can! I can heal you. I can comfort you. It may seem like a Risk for you to trust in me... for you to see my Love for you... Believe it or not, I understand Risk. My son, i placed him up on the altar as a human sacrifice - so that you may get to know me... so that you may have life. fullness. happiness. joy. know this: my Love for you is more beautiful than anything in this created world. Don't resist..."
- God



Thank you, Mark Yaconelli, for this activity.

THE 10: things to do before your number is up

10. Travel on old Route 66, stopping along the way to photograph your journey.
9. Go to an old movie house / Palace-type theatre. (you know, the one's with a pipe organ, a 'moving' starry ceiling and lots of gargoyles). Take in a foreign film there.
8. Own at least one Beatles album or CD.
7. Buy a record player. Go to a used record store. Raid the 10 cent bin. Spend at least one Saturday morning chilling out, listening to your finds.
6. Stay up all nite driving around... with no destination in mind.
5. Create something. Build it. Draw it. Paint it. Write it. Make it... whatever... just create... be creative (that's part of your DNA, you know). Express yourself through your own creativity.
4. Read through the Bible.
3. Listen to Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys. Embrace the genius of Brian Wilson.
2. Spend 24 hours in total silence. Journal every thought that ye are able to write.
1. Sell all of your possessions and be free.

what has God done for me?

a few weeks ago i was privilaged enough to lead a group of teens on a mission trip to Northwest Ohio for a week of Christ-like service. you may be asking - 'why go on a mission trip to Sandusky, Ohio?' why not go to New Orleans or the Congo or to some inner city or appalatian community? i don't know - but i guess now in hindsight i could say that i know for certain that we were sent there for a reason.

I Will Go Where You Send Me.

We worked in a soup kitchen for the week (among other things). it was at this place where God spoke to me - or maybe it would be better to say that God showed me things... words weren't necessary. i got the message. the message was love. the message was food. the message was hope. the message was 'what you do to the least of these, you do to me.'

not once during the week, while working there was a voiced raised in disagreement. not once was there a sense of disunity. it was as if all evil was rebuked and disposed of outside the front door on the warm Sandusky concrete.

i think i learned what it means to be blessed by God... i think i learned what it means to have God at the center of everything...

i had a chance to talk to Pastor Lonnie - the man who founded the Victory Soup Kitchen. His church was meeting in a YMCA for a number of years... before building a church facilitY, they purchased a house and renovated it - turning it in to the soup kitchen. amid resistence - they perservered. early on, while sitting with a homeless man who was being fed @ the soup kitchen, Pastor Lonnie was nearly stumped by a question posed to him by the hard-pressed man who looked him straight in the eye. "What has God ever done for me?" the man asked Pastor. While searching for the right words and not finding them, Pastor Lonnie shared with me that before his feeble attempts to formulate a response would come to fruition 7 words came out of his mouth - as if the Holy Spirit had spoke them: "He's feeding you this meal. isn't he?"

The Lord God takes care of his creation... of his people. The birds of the air need not worry about tomorrow.

God provides. Abide in him.

My perspective has now changed a bit. I can only hope that i will begin to see all the ways God has provided for my needs... I strive to give Him all the glory... i strive to let my pride fall down daily.

And yet as i write this i am reminded that the Lord has placed within me something deep...deeper than this revelation... something that i do not yet comprehend... but i know it is in me... and i know it is from Him...

patience...



Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
PSALM 34