Sunday, April 30, 2006

cheeses of nazareth

Charles de Gaulle once asked "how can you govern a country in which there are 246 kinds of cheese?"[1]

i have often asked that same question metephorically of course. i mean - i didn't even know that there were 246 different kinds of cheese. i've heard of the usuals: mozerella, cheddar, colby jack & velvetta. i know that the Beastie Boys once said "like sharp cheddar, my rhymes are better." i know that a college friend of mine once said that he liked cheese more than girls. i know that we called him guoda pits because his white t-shirts had pit stains.

there is definately something powerful about cheese. it is powerful. you put a cube of cheese in front of a man and i dare him to eat just one. cheese is like that addictive passion food disguised as a nutriant that mankind thinks must be added to any and all foods to make said food taste better. i mean what can't cheese be added to? what meal is cheese-vacant?

Breakfast>? how 'bout some cheese in that omlette with a cheese danish on the side.
Lunch>? grilled cheese sounds nice. (my son calls it gorilla cheese).
Super size me food>? cheeseburger? check. cheesy fries? check. nachos and cheese? check. taco with shredded cheese? dobule check.
hors doeuvres>? cheese and crackers.
dinner>? angel hair pasta with parmisian cheese. matter of fact, anything italian must have cheese in it.
dessert>? cheesecake with strawberries.

cheese rules over us like the Lord rules over the earth - only in more subtle ways than even God himself. i've never met a man who didn't believe in the obvious: cheese is good. so is Jesus... only people are stupid and neglect to give him props. i guess he'd be cool in the gang if he had turned goats milk into swiss cheese instead of water into wine. although i hear cheese and wine go good together... too.

and how 'bout dipping things into cheese? what is more fun than that? especially in the comfort of your own home - were double dipping is status quo.

cheese... the other white meat... the manifesto of food connesours world wide.

i hear Sadaam is lactose intolerant. shame... if only he were able to stomach cheese and all of its goodness... Iraq would no doubt be a place of peace and harmony. oh... the power of cheese.

  1. ^ Quoted in Newsweek, October 1, 1962 according to The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations (Columbia University Press, 1993 ISBN 0-2310719-4-9 p 345). Numbers besides 246 are often cited in very similar quotes; whether these are misquotes or whether de Gaulle repeated the same quote with different numbers is unclear.

3 comments:

Jen said...

very very random

Steve said...

Stop it I just dropped my colon from laughing.

Bryan said...

Thank you for not mentioning the evil macaroni and cheese . . . Thats one case of the power of cheese falling into the wrong hands (clearly a work of Satan himself).

http://wolfeandkandel.com/macandcheese.mp3