[the following journal entry was written while in the midst of 'worship' during a Youth Specialties training event in Pittsburgh in 2008]
worship music plays... it's praise... it's God centered.
i don't feel like raising my hands
my arms are crossed...am i wrestling with something?
what am i waiting on?
"God with us... mighty to save"
voices raised... not mine. contemplative and silent.
that is my voice right now.
'Blah' is the word to describe me.
foot begins to tap.
i think i need to express myself.
it's like i've discovered a poem written by hand in a book --
but it is not my own. i'm borrowing the words.
are they someone i know? are they psalms of David?
"You are God with us, you are victorious, you are strong and mighty to save.
for your word stands true -- there is none like you. and when all else fails you remain."
when all else fails... why do we wait until all else fails? stupid human nature waiting... not on God - but on all of the other options to fail.
same mistakes repeated.
dumb. stubborn. silly. full of ourselves. unable to be filled by God.
glass full of water.
add water of God and it spills on to the ground. wasted. not in us. we are full. of it. not Him.
no room for God. no room for God to reign.
also, then, no room for His love + grace to 'rain' down on us/in us. we are full. can't experience the filling of God's grace reigning + raining onto + into us and our soul.
[my scribbled notes - tucked into a free journal i received while attending this youth workers convention in 2008.]