thoughts while waiting for an oil change.

[random, free expression, written wednesday, jan. 21, 2009 while waiting for the oil to be changed in our van. i can't say what was written is coherent or worth reading or complete for that matter... but they are thoughts... my thoughts. read if you like... but i've come to know that blogging is often done even though many might not even ever read it. so maybe this random post was for me. maybe it was therapeutic. maybe it was just talking things out, without using my voice. alas...]

Sitting here waiting for the oil to get changed in my car and I’m thinking a lot about change. Yesterday we witnessed the beginning of the appearance and/or the hope of change to come in our country. Barack Obama was sworn into office as the 44th President of the United States. He represents so much to so many, but never has there been or will there be more pressure put upon one man to lead our nation. We are not in the best of times. Frankly, being President might not be the dream job when you look at the task at hand.

Regardless, this whole change thing that has filled my mind has more to do with the other things of life. As a matter of fact, change has been on my mind for a while now. It’s been on the forefront for at least the past 21 days. With the dawning of a new year just 3 weeks ago we’ve all been thinking about change and about resolutions and about dreams and goals and things we’d like to do differently.

And yet here we are… here we stand… here I stand, 3 weeks in, already thinking about how I’ve yet to do anything. My mind has been full but my action has been empty.

Everyone seems to embraces the idea of change, but not the actual activity itself. Well, there are obviously some who reject it whole heartily… sometimes it appears that those who have been around longer are least likely to embrace change. That attitude easily seeps into the young, apparently through the water they drink? Who knows why, but I’ve met my fill of young folk who openly resist anything different, too.

We are a people made up of mostly talkers with little walkers.

And where am I in the mix? Not where I want to be. I’m on the cusp of my 35th birthday and I can’t help but wonder when the mid-life crisis will come. When I say ‘crisis’ I am meaning that place where I begin to wonder and question and figure out what it is I was placed on this earth to do.

Heck, I’ve been having those thoughts for years.

I don’t view this coming period as a crisis per-sey, but more of a reality that is or will be upon me or any man who gets this far in life and can’t help but wonder ‘ how the heck did my parents do this?’ how did they do the whole ‘raising a family, holding down a job and being the productive people that they were?’

The scary thing is the realization that things are different and really cant be compared. Young people (or might I clarify, people my age) don’t seem to join the Rotary or civic clubs. We don’t really interact in community or neighborhoods like our parents did. We don’t do things the same way – but yet we aren’t much different. We are still filled with the same hopes and fears of our fathers and mothers and those who paved the way before them.

I can’t help but wonder how God will take care of me and my family when the future arrives. I can’t lie… that is a point of worry at times… but not that I spend too much time worrying about that. Who has time to worry about the future, anyway?
But that fact is I’ve chosen a profession that doesn’t pay, I’d say,. I’m not in it for the money. I’d be a fool if I were. But youth ministry isn’t the kind of career that has the benefits of others. No union. No real pension. No long term plan. Heck, most youth workers are long removed from that form of ministry by the time they hit mid-life.

I won’t really have much when that time comes to ‘hang it up’. I got a statement from my pension plan the other day. Right now, I’ve got enough to survive for roughly 1 month after I would retire. So yeah, youth ministry doesn’t hold long term stability, in the financial sense.

But that is not why I chose this profession. Money isn’t everything. Not that I fully believe that all of the time. But I know in my heart of hearts that there is more to life than cash money.

So I guess as I write this and think about change, I guess I am forcing myself to think about when certain changes do come in my life and in the life o my family, it will truly place us in the hands of God… in the midst of his loving care. I can only hope that he will, over time, reveal more and more his grace and love to me so that I may be comforted about future endeavors. Maybe I am being shown what it will look like to truly be a child of God – even as my years go by.

Got to maintain that hope though. You take away a man’s hope and you take away his life. I learned that lesson from the movie The Shawshank Redemption.

But alas, this post was and is about change. I could talk for hours. Change in the church. Change in the way we do youth ministry. Change in the way we attempt to reach the non-churched, young and old. Those questions are heavy on my heart. But at the heart of any ‘real’ question is a quest.

My quest is appearing to be long and hard and full of more questions.

when i was 12

this past summer while on vacation, the television remained off and in my moments of quiet, i read a book. and then another book. and then i began another... that third book was the Stephen King novella Different Seasons. the third of four short stories (titled 'The Body') in that novella was the longest of the stories.

vacation came and went before i finished it and i didn't pick it back up until the last month of the year. i finished 'The Body' before Christmas and couldn't wait to watch the film variation of the story, titled Stand By Me, to see how it compared.

Now in my younger years I had seen Stand By Me repeatedly... although it was the tv version in which all of the swear words and whatnot were replaced or removed. So i knew the story. Frankly, that is what made 'The Body' all the more enjoyable. As i read it, i was hearing the narration of Richard Dreyfuss and i was picturing the boys from the movie in my mind's eye. (The same was true when i read 'Rita Heyworth and the Shawshank Redemption'... i was hearing the narration of Morgan Freeman and picturing Tim Robbins... and when i recently finished the Autobiography of Johnny Cash, i was sad to put it down, because i knew the voice of Johnny Cash would disappear with it).

Without saying too much, Stand By Me or The Body is a really a story about 4 11 or 12 year old boys as they venture out to find the missing dead body of a peer who had tragically been hit by a train. it's less about the body and more the quest... even more about the life and times and important things of a 12 year old's childhood... many conversations about which super hero is best, ragging on one's mom and a plethora of one-up-man ship.

it's raw and real... the book more than the movie... but it's about the hopes and fears and weights placed upon the shoulders of young men who aren't really men at all. not yet anyway.

i connect with that story, as do many grown men like me. why? we connect with it because we were all once 12 years old. and we are sad that we can not go back... never go back to that age of innocence and discovery.

there was a quote from the story... i can hear Dreyfuss narrating it now: "I never had friends later on in life like i did when i was 12. God, does anyone?"

i remember my friends back then. i go back often... in my mind, that is. i am taken back to that small town in mid-Ohio, were i grew up. i think of the many adventures i once shared with them: Billy and Donnie, David and Mikey, Patrick and Bobby... and the assortment of other characters with whom my path once crossed. We'd ride bikes, walk the tracks, play war, camp out, build forts and club houses (we must have had 3 or 4 different ones over the years), head up to the Rainbow 7 for some ice cream and a game of Donkey Kong, climb trees and talk about girls or music or what was happening on the latest episode of The A-Team... we had full lives.

One of us is now gone. He drowned in the Whetstone Creek a few years after I moved away. I've lost contact with pretty much all of those guys now.

I've been back to that small town a hand full of times over the last 20+ years. In fact, i took my new bride there soon after we were married... wanted to show here where i grew up and tell her all about the things we did. We pulled into town and everything looked different.

you can never go back. i learned that one then and there. but my mind has not forgotten. so much happened and it seemed so important then.

maybe it still is.

to be 12 again... who wouldn't want to go back?

quotes from last nite's episode of Friday Night Lights

"you're going to win... or you're going to lose. either way, the sun's going to come up in the morning."
(by the coaches wife, the night before the state championship game)

***

"years ago, i was afraid of wanting anything.
i figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure.
but now i find i can't stop wanting.
i want to fly somewhere in first class.
i want to travel to europe on a business trip.
i want to get invited to the white house.
i want to learn about the world.
i want to surprise myself.
i want to be important.
i want to be the best person i can be.
i want to define myself, instead of having others define me.
i want to win and have people be happy for me.
i want to lose and get over it.
i want to not be afraid of the unknown.
i want to grow up and be generous and big-hearted the way that people have been with me.
i want an interesting and exciting life.
it's not that i think that i'm going to get all of these things.
i just want the possibility of getting them.
(the future) represents possibility.
the possibility that things are going to change.
i can't wait."*

(spoken by Trya - as part of her entrance to college essay... i've adapted it slightly ... i'm going to give this to my seniors to read at the end of the school year - as i think they will relate to it quite well)

the randomness of whatnot and so on and so forth

the blog template update didn't go exactly as planned - but i'm sticking with it for now. i wanted the banner to be at the top of the page and to stretch across the page, but blogger wasn't cooperating... and i grew tired of trying to fix it.

i am compelled to blog more this year... well maybe not blog more - but blog about more things that matter to life. i want to share in conversations... about faith... about life... about what it means to be a follower of Jesus in this day and age.

i am sitting here watching Adaptation. frankly it is not ending like i thought... or hoped even... i guess. i had heard so much about it and now... it's sort of been tainted by what i would call it's own foolishness. to be fair - it hasn't ended yet. maybe some crazy twist will change my perception.

i've got 9 more bucks in my iTunes account... it's almost hard to give it up... with those last purchases, i want them to be right.

everyone is Twitting. not sure if that is another path i'll go down. not sure if i'm that important. it's hard to keep track of so many social networks on the net. here is an article about aligning lifestreams.

i watched 160+ moveis in 2008. here's to more blessed movie watching experiences in 2009.

peace and love and i'm out.

post script: Adaptation is now over. meh.

Update in Progress

i'm in the middle of updating the look of the blog... be patient... i'll hope to finish tuesday.

best of 2008

my top 12 albums of 2008
12. Sigur Rós Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust
11. Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple
10. Jon Foreman - Limbs and Branches (from the Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer EP's)
9. Alias - Resurgam
8. M83 - Saturdays = Youth
7. South - You Are Here
6. Unkle - End Titles...Stories for Film
5. Keane - Perfect Symmetry
4. Portishead - Third
3. The Stills - Oceans Will Rise
2. Elbow - The Seldom Seen Kid
1. Coldplay - Viva La Vida

EP's worth mentioning: Coldplay - Prospekt's March, Jars of Clay - Closer, Wheat - That's Exactly What I Wanted

Edit: The Fireman might be a late addition to this best of list... listening to it now and liking it a lot...

LAST FM: most played 2008
Coldplay - 337
Explosions in the Sky - 300
Radiohead - 275

Top Song: Viva La Vida - Coldplay

Top TV Shows: Friday Night Lights, Generation Kill, The Office

Top Movie: Wall-E

My Top Albums: 2004 2005 2006 2007

of text and notes and video tidings

random thoughts:
as christmas time appraoches i thought i'd share some random thoughts... sort of like a gift to the blogging world (as if the blogging world has been waiting with baited breath...)

_below, i hope you'll enjoy the letters that santa wrote to my children as much as they did. it was quite a special treat for them!


(letters from Santa to my 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter)


_check out Troy post over at Defy the Grey... have we seen it all or is there more beyond z? go there... post a comment... discuss it...

_i've been keeping track of some random information... mostly stats regarding my movie watching habits or 2008. for the past 3 or 4 years, i've kept a movie log of all films watched... with source (HBO, Netflix, DVD, Cable TV, Theatre), description and a rating (scale of 0 to 5). i started doing this for a few reasons... i wanted to see if having HBO was worth it and then, in 2008, when i recieved a Netfix gift subscription, i wanted to see how much we used it, again, to see if it was worth it.

you can go to DAYTUM to track our viewing habits and whatnot. so far this year, we've watched 148 movies. (linked in sidebar as well)

DAYTUM is in beta testing stage... but you can request to be a part. you can list anything you want on DAYTUM... it's just a place to list or keep track of things. i'm a stat freak, so i kind of like it a lot.

_(RED)wire seems like a cool new thing. what is (red)wire? it's a weekly, digital, online music magazine. you can subscribe to it for $5 a month - with 1/2 of money going directly to provide medicine to AIDS victims in Africa. Right now, you can sign up and get 2 months free (without having to give a credit card). i downloaded it today and it seems pretty cool. it has music & video & exclusives from Coldplay, U2, Jay-Z, etc. it's all DRM-free, too and soon you will be able to download videos in audio form to play in iTunes.

U2 is on board - and from what i read on their website - they've performed this really great Christmas track for (red)wire... watch it below:



(i believe in father christmas as performed by U2)
watch it HERE or see that and other U2 videos HERE, too.

_in other U2 news U2.com has an update on the new album... after reading i am geeked. go HERE to read... and check out the rest of the interview at MOJO.

according to Edge: 'It doesn’t sound like anything we’ve done before and it doesn’t really sound like anything that’s happening at the moment...'

the new album has a working title of No Line on the Horizon. Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois have been more involved in this record, even helping with some of the writing.

if the new album sounds anything like the christmas song posted above - then we are all in for a new, fresh treat.

_lastly, with Christmas time here... go over to rejesus and check out some of their Christmas related posts, games and whatnot.

peace.


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Now playing: The Violet Burning - The Ends Begin
via FoxyTunes

behind the numbers

i received my first Sports Illustrated subscription in 1983, when i was 9 years old (featuring Dan Marino, Nov. 14, 1983). it's been 25 years and i hadn't missed an issue... until a few weeks back when i let it run out (but i'll probably renew it soon).

i had kept each issue... most in the basement... in boxes and crates and bins and whatever i could find to store them in.

this afternoon, i went down in the basement to check on something, saw all of those boxes and decided it was time to get rid of them. after probably 12 trips up the stairs from the basement, out the back door and into the back of the van... of which included 4 separate trips to the local recycling station, i hauled most of 1,300 or so issues to be recycled.

i figure that the average weight of each issue is approx. 6 oz... 6 ounces x 1,300 issues = roughly 487.5 lbs. needless to say, my back is a little sore... and since i have had some back trouble recently, my arms are really sore as i was trying not to hurt my back.

but the basement has never been cleaner. which is nice.

chip off the old block

i always enjoyed watching Barry Sanders. He made watching a Lions game fun. i truly think he is the best running back that ever played... simply because you couldn't tackle him... he rarely took a direct hit.

i was sad when he retired suddenly in '99. he would have certainly broke Walter Payton's rushing record.

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so now, his on is a freshman in high school in Oklahoma... watch this youtube clip and be amazed... Barry Sanders Jr. is a chip off the old block.

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tragedy

i don't like tragedy. not that anyone likes tragedy... i just hate the randomness of it all. people randomly shot and killed in Mumbai... a military jet crashes directly onto 1 house... 1 house! if you watched the video, you saw a car right out front... 15... 20 feet from the house...

the house was destroyed... the car was not even touched. i mean couldn't the jet have crashed in the empty street? instead 4 people died inside the house.

a tragic accident.

it is hard to take.

makes me think of ecclessiastes... everything is meaningless...





the rain falls on the just and the unjust...

Cost

what is the costliest thing you own? what is the most expensive thing you've ever bought?

the following is an example of what ultimate cost looks like.

Luke 9:57-62 (New International Version)

The Cost of Following Jesus

57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."

58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

59He said to another man, "Follow me."
But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

60Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

61 Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family."

62Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

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Now playing: Keane - The Lovers Are Losing
via FoxyTunes

micah's prayer

a few weeks back, my 5 year old son spent the weekend with grandma. he sat with her in church that sunday morning and as he is prone to do, got out his notebook and began to doodle.

last nite - i found that notebook. he had scribbled on one of the sheets the following prayer...


(below)










prayer.

O father,
let us love and be safe.
be your self's.
to believe from the cross of
heart to
the heart of
all.
we love you
forever
and ever
and ever.

a-men
father.

loving Jesus.

Go Buckeyes

the art of balance (possibly part two of two)

"but is perfect balance the end goal?"

i don't know that it is. certainly lots of things in our lives need balance and stability. being a parent, i realize that my children need a stable patterns of consistency.
but i don't want my quest for balance to become some sort of idol - that consumes my every being. i think my life should be more about values than balance. my values - hopefully rooted in Christ's solid foundation - determine what really matters to me. (thanks Marko for the inspiration for this).

in my quest for balance - those rare times when life is perfectly balanced, seem to be the times when i am standing still.

i don't want to be standing still.

the gymnast, in the spot light... on the beam, 4 and a half feet off the ground - she's only truly balanced when she is standing still. Standing still is not what a gymnast was designed to do. It's her movement that amazes.

Think of a teeter-totter: i remember when i was a kid, the cool thing to do was to walk up and then down a teeter-totter. when you got to the middle, you could balance it. life and faith are filled with many peaks and valleys... just like walking up and then down the sea-saw. Using sea-saw imagery, when you're on the ground, you have to walk up the plank to reach the sky. You'll have a moment of balance in the middle before heading down to the ground again. Balance comes in between your ups & downs. Then you repeat the process all over again...

i think that if i want to be a radical follower of Jesus, i don't think i cn have long periods of perfect balance. I don't know, maybe i'm wrong or contradicting my self... But i don't see the life of Christ and his example set as being balanced. Jesus didn't map out a 'to-do' list and he didn't seem to follow a daily agenda. He just was... always doing. being. serving. loving. I'm not saying we need to be irresponsible and that we can't plan things - i'm just saying the following Jesus should be our top priority.

We are called to be faithful to Jesus... sometimes during moments of balance - but mostly during moments of craziness.

My quest is to follow no matter what the circumstances. He can provide us stability - even in the midst of an the unbalanced reality of life.

luke 18:28-30
philippians 3:17-21

art of blanace. (possibly part one of two)

Imagine you're in the middle of a jam-packed arena. It's dark - but you are about to go on... for your performance. Center of the ring, there is a long shadowy plank. The spot light illuminates what proves to be a balance beam. 4 and a half feet off the ground. 4 inches wide. 5 meters long.

It's your turn. The crowd is chanting your name. Time to go on.

One problem. You are not a gymnast. You've never performed on a balance beam. ever. But your up. It's on. Time to do your best at something you know little or nothing about. You can't fake it. You can't balance. Especially with the spotlight shining on you.

What do you do?

Such it is with life and faith. Hard to balance. Hard to manage. Seems like the spotlight is always on us, too. Like everyone is watching. The thing is, that's kind of how it really is - at least for those who "claim" to be followers of Jesus. The world is watching - waiting for us to fall off the balance beam... to skrew up.

Balance is crucial... life. school. job. faith. How can we possibly balance it all?

Learning to balance.









But should perfect balance the end goal?

pro-life quote

a quote on election day from our local newspaper's website...

UPDATED 5:01 p.m. Sign-holder delivers personal message

Not everyone was out stumping for Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama on Tuesday.

For a few hours, Dustin White, 25, stood on Central Plaza South, holding up a handwritten sign: "What's So Pro-Life About Poverty, the Death Penalty And War?"

White, who also stood on the square on Monday with friends, said the provocative question has prompted reactions from passersby — both positive and negative.

"It's not about partisanship, it's about awareness. I'm a Christian," he said. "It's frustrating to see my faith being hijacked by a political party. ... 'Pro-life' goes beyond pregnancy. It's also about treating our neighbors right."

White, who attends City Hope Church, added that real change is not generated by political leaders, but by individuals coming together for a common cause.

let your voice be heard - vote

i waited 45 min to vote today. it felt good.





(click to enlarge)
photo by me / downtown pittsbugh / nov 2, 2008

God? Are You Out There?

An Old Fav...
still fresh...

Random Update

Random update of events... cuz you needed to know...

1. you may have noticed (or not) some subtle updates to the blog design. I've added to the LEFT COLUMN more 'Listening To' images as well as what i'm 'Reading' as of late and a few images and links to recent 'Netflix' rentals (with brief description and rating).

Also, i organized my links and put all text related/random info in the RIGHT COLUMN.

headers are embossed in black, now, too. I suppose other subtle updates will be made in the near future.

2. if you don't know, i'm a Youth Director in northeast Ohio. we call our group the Alien Uth (hard sounding 'U' as in 'Youth'). We recently created a new website that i keep updated quite frequently. Check it out: www.alienuth.com

Lots of cool stuff there... podcasts, music related reviews, devotionals, events, videos, etc. check it out.


3. I recenty checked out Hot Fuzz from the library. Talk about a man's movie! one of the few cop-driven movies to come out of England - it stars Simon Pegg and was created by the same team that did Shaun of the Dead. I thouroghly enjoyed it... watched it in high def with headphones on - cuz my wife didn't want to watch it or hear it.

It's got a good story... good comedic elements... good acting... good action... and some blood, too. Well made. If you are a guy - you need to see it... but your wife may not want to.







4. I recently wrapped up my first season as soccer coach of my sons U-6 team. Although we don't technically keep score in this league - my team, the Jaguar Cats, finished the season really well. We got a lucky draw in the draft and happened to have a lot of the best players and the best overall team.

I really enjoyed it and now have the itch to coach some more. I would love to keep the same team together next year as we'll all move up to U-8. I know that is wishful thinking. But it was a great e
experience.

The team excelled at shielding the ball and keeping pressure on the opponents defense - but their favorite thing in the world was yelling their cheer before each game...

1...2...3...Go Jaguar Cats!








5. last - but not least... i haven't formally mentioned this on the blog - but my wife and i are expecting baby #3 sometime in the spring. We are excited and God truly has blessed us. Jen is 12 weeks along. Our kids and the youth girls are super excited!

read more about it here...

Lazy Eye (an experiment in free expression)

notes related to the song
Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups

The other day, i was in Starbucks, and I had my iTunes on shuffle when one of my favorite songs of the moment came on, Lazy Eye by the Silversun Pickups. as i listened to the opening guitar riff, i opened up Word and decided to type down whatever thoughts came to mind as i listened. I’ve done this before a time or two… i call it FREE EXPRESSION. i find that Free Expression helps me connect with my inner being and as a result - i often write down things that inspire me. it can definately be a time for me to connect with God. (i’ve posted my Lazy Eye-inspired thoughts below)

At Coffee Talk (a youth gathering that meets every 6 weeks as part of our youth ministry) on Sunday, October 19th, the Senior High group talked about ways in which we can connect with God in the midst of our busy lives. At the end, i played this song - and asked them to free their minds and just allow God to speak to them - not necessarily through the lyric - but through the rhythms.

(i challenge you to try this with any song)

...my thoughts

FREE EXPRESSION… from 10.10.08

Waiting.

Thinking that someday things will be perfect. It never seems to happen. Or does it? Have i missed it? Have I missed the perfection? has my lazy eye – my imperfection got the best of me? Or has my perception of perfection changed?

Wanting silence. Its too loud. Too much chaos. To many distractions… but I like it… deep down I do. Sadly I do. But really – I crave silence. A time to be alone with my thoughts. But no time.

So I move on.

The music plays. The rhythms come and go. I miss the beat. Feel like I am missing out on something greater. I want to be a part of something greater. I really do.

Gotta get my chance. Gott move.

But the song continues without me. Is it possible for the song to lead to silence? That is backwards, it would seem. The rhythm would lead to more rhythm, no? or is it possible for the rhythm to lead to peace. Can rhythm be a part of my silence?

Like is shawshank redemption? Is the music in my heart and mind? Is that the real rhythm I crave? A rhythm found in the slilence? That rthym giving off hope? Hope that there is something better… something majestic out there for me to encounter?

Where does that hope come from, I need to ask.

Lost in the feedbck of guitars. Symbolic of my life. Lost in the feedback and chaos of life.

Kinda like being lost…. Deep down I hope it will lead me somewhere… out of the darkness of the forest… out of the trees to a green patch of terrain – filled with lilies and beautiful flowers.

That is the hope of rhythm that I crave.

God is there, I feel it.

(notes – free expression while listening to Lazy Eye – by the Silversun Pickups – 9:46am – oct 10, 2008 – starbucks @ washington square.)

Zidane: attentive to more than the game

this is a clip from the documentary film Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait.

as an avid soccer fan and a former player (and now coach) i have always appreciated the art of the game. soccer or futball has been referred to as the 'beautiful game'.

Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait was filmed in real time with 17 synchronized cameras - following every move of Zinedine Zidane - the World & Euro Cup champion player from France.

I have yet to see this film in its entirety - as it has not been released on DVD in America yet. I hope that one day it does. But this clip from YouTube is beautiful to me for many reasons.

for one, it is neat to see how aware he is as he plays... how things are intensified... how immersed he is as he plays. His keen awareness says a lot about the human condition, i think - and what we are capable of.

i think his awareness to the game and his surroundings is a distinct parallel to one's potential awareness to the movement of the Spirit around them each and every day. Are you aware?

enjoy.



tell me what you think.



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post script: i forgot to mention that Mogwai did the soundtrack to the film - and it is just as beautiful. (i got it from eMusic a lot cheaper than amazon)

also - here is the trailer to the film:

In Rainbows (1 year later)

it's been a year since Radiohead did something that to my knowledge had never been done. In Rainbows was available to download - for a fee of whatever the consumer wanted to pay. i don't know how many people downloaded it at the time and i don't know how much money they made - but i'm guessing it was enough.

the album was a breath of fresh air in a time when much in the music world had gone stale.

it wasn't necessarily the best thing ever - but the approach that Radiohead took was sheer genius. it made the listener important again... like they were part of the band or something.

this was made evident when Radiohead released 6 different stems of the song Nude and then Reckoner available for purchase on iTunes - so that the song could be remixed by one and all. for Mac users - GarageBand files of the songs were part of the deal - so that the remixer could literally take apart every segment of the song and rearange it.

i blogged about my first reaction to In Rainbows about a year ago. my reaction today is much the same.

it's been my most played album (by far) over the past year - some songs from the album have been played on iTunes over 65 times.

I can't wait to see what comes next from Radiohead.

on an island of musings and lyric... a song abounds.

i've been waiting
i've been waiting for this moment all my life
but it's not quite right

It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening

meaningless
it's all meaningless
all my life and labor is foolish
and now i don't have a reason anymore

Get sick, get well
Hang around a ink well
Ring bell, hard to tell
If anything is goin' to sell

I know what you mean,

when you want to run to meet the world,

intentions may not carry you far.

Small planes are here

but they never leave my room at all,

they don’t make it through,

they don’t make it out.

I need a place
That's hidden in the deep
Where lonely angels sing you to your sleep
Though all the world is broken

Twenty-five miles or thousands of miles,

when am I going to leave here?

because Bob Dylan had something to say 45 years ago...

A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,
I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways,
I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,
I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,
I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it
I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it,
I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin',
I saw a room full of men with their hammers a-bleedin',
I saw a white ladder all covered with water,
I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken,
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
And what did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin',
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,
Heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin',
Heard ten thousand whisperin' and nobody listenin',
Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin',
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter,
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

Oh, who did you meet, my blue-eyed son?
Who did you meet, my darling young one?
I met a young child beside a dead pony,
I met a white man who walked a black dog,
I met a young woman whose body was burning,
I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow,
I met one man who was wounded in love,
I met another man who was wounded with hatred,
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin',
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the color, where none is the number,
And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin',
But I'll know my song well before I start singin',
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

Copyright ©1963; renewed 1991 Special Rider Music

_

give us the strength to remember that life is very fragile.
we are all vulnerable... and we will all at some point in our lives... fall.
we will all fall.
we must carry this in our hearts - that what we have is special.
that it can be taken from us... and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested.
we will be tested to our very souls.
we will now all be tested.
it is these times, it is this pain, that allows us to look inside ourselves
so that we may be one.

one more for the road (and just for fun)

maybe sometimes cheese is good. perhaps Five Iron Frenzy (who i once interviewed in the back of a school bus in a vacant parking lot next to a whig shop in downtown canton, ohio) understood the necessity that is 'cheese'. Cheeses of Nazareth was a smash hit.

with that in mind, i give you this video. enjoy this 100%, all-natural cheese log... straight up gouda.
feel free to dance.

proof that there are many people out there that are not like me - yet we're supposedly on the same team...

thoughts while watching the sunrise from the parking lot of a shopping complex PART 2

[on friday morning, August 15 i took my sister to the airport at 6am - so that she could catch a flight back home to Portland, Maine. rather than driving all the way home - i decided to 'kill' some time early in the morning until 9:30am - when i had to pick up something from Best Buy. i had over 3 hours to fill and i was really tired because i stayed up late the night before watching the Olympics. the following is PART TWO of "Free Expression" writing. i decided to look for potential God moments as I sat inside a Starbucks.]

Sitting in Starbucks now. The atmosphere is inviting. Jovial. Sunny. Literally. The morning sun is shining in through the pane of glass. Old soul music flares up over the speakers above my head.

Already I am allowing myself to get distracted from the surroundings. Trying to get on their internet connection.

Let me take a moment to observe.
Original art pieces decorate the walls. Cd’s for sale next to coffee in bags. Architecture that is edgy and clean. Promotional materials. Baristas… with green aprons… no one with the coveted black one. People walking in and out… one woman with a baby. Now a line has formed. Outside of the windows – sitting in the sun are a number of patrons. One woman is reading the newspaper. Four old men sit outside with their coffee conversing about football or the weather or politics or what ever. A co-worker adds supplies to the closet. A business man works hard crunching numbers. “have a big order? Call ahead. 330-494-0454” “Komodo Dragon = $13.45/lb. On my wobbly table sits a vase with a plastic banana in it. There must be some sort of jungle theme going on here as a paper mache monkey resembling Curious George sits on a display case.

I can pick up a number of pay-to-use wifi signals. TA truck stop is across the highway and I can pick it up here. T-Mobile here at starbucks and Att net.

Different people talk on their cell phone. It’s early for that. 7:53 now.

Where is God in this moment?
In the conversation.
In the contemplative thought of the man in the oversized comfy chair.
In the music that plays.
In the inner-tangling of my cords… ear buds and apple power adapter.
In the Rob Bell video I am now watching.
In the sun that shines through onto my fingertips.
In the slow, quiet walk I envision doing when I get home..
In the beauty of every person who walks though the door.
In the Vivanno Nourishing Blend non-smoothie that provides energy and protein and fiber powder and whole banana.
In my Peppermint mocha that my wife introduced me to – therefore hooking me on coffee blends mostly from Starbucks… and sometimes Speedway.
In the word ‘Sacrifice.’
In the act of obeying God that Abraham shown us.
In the contemplative thought of the man in the oversized comfy chair who is now sleeping.
In the palm tree.
In the art and the music. In the architecture. In the refection that I see with my peripheral vision. A truck just drove by. A person enters. Reflections… reflect.
Beauty.

Here We Go Steelers, Here We Go!

thanks for the link, troy.

thoughts while watching the sunrise from the parking lot of a shopping complex PART 1

[on friday morning, August 15 i took my sister to the airport at 6am - so that she could catch a flight back home to Portland, Maine. rather than driving all the way home - i decided to 'kill' some time early in the morning until 9:30am - when i had to pick up something from Best Buy. i had over 3 hours to fill and i was really tired because i stayed up late the night before watching the Olympics. the following is PART ONE of "Free Expression" writing. i decided to look for potential God moments as i parked my car in a parking lot minutes before dawn.]



The world is watching. To my left, out the car window, sitting in the parking lot at the Strip, a major shopping complex in northwest stark county, are a number of video surveillance cameras. Watching. Me. I almost didn’t notice.

They are always there. We go on in our daily lives… we don’t even notice. But they are everywhere. My life is too busy to notice.

The oher day – while on vacation, my son, micah and I were riding around lakeside in a glof cart. It was early evening… and he noticed something that we don’t often hear… a chirping noise… almost musical, he called the sound. “what is it?”

Crickets, I said.

We had a conversation about crickets. Why do they make music? Where are they? Are they nocturnal? Yeah – he used the words nocturnal. How did he know that word? Are they nocturnal like skunks? Why do skunks stink?

We went to the cottage and went to bed.

A day or two or three later, I had long forgotten about the cricket conversation. When micah asked me again about crickets. I told him, we have already talked about this. He said, in the middle of the day, mind you, again about crickets.

Why do you ask? I said. “Because I hear one but it’s not night time.” He forgot to go to bed.

Crickets. Always around us. Making music. Mostly at night. But not always.
They are all around us… making music…
but we don’t hear it. It blends in with the rest of the chaos that is around us.

The music is all around us.

Are we tuned in to the wrong frequency?



God is all around us. Watching us. Trying to get our attention.

a passage of time

Players from Sam Javanrouh on Vimeo.

change

Change Your Life
But there's also this, it's not too late—
God's personal Message!—
"Come back to me and really mean it!
Come fasting and weeping, sorry for your sins!"

Change your life, not just your clothes.
Come back to God, your God.
And here's why: God is kind and merciful.
He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot,
This most patient God, extravagant in love,
always ready to cancel catastrophe.
Who knows? Maybe he'll do it now,
maybe he'll turn around and show pity.
Maybe, when all's said and done,
there'll be blessings full and robust for your God!

Joel 2:12-14




post#401

always

run forrest run

the 23rd annual Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement 2 mile and 5 mile races were held yesterday morning. Jen and i took on yet another running challenge, as did a number of young adults from our church. we ran in the 2 mile race with 882 other people. it was very crowded and the race started without any warning... some guy with a bullhorn hit the siren and we were off. the biggest challenge was weaving in and out of the masses of people... i think a couple of kids tried to take me out when we were running across the bridge. i was pushed to the outside. i felt like i was in Nascar - zig-zaging my way through, hoping not to blow a tire. after the one mile marker it thinned out. i started out running with THIS guy who finished about 20 seconds ahead of me... i think i could have ran with him the whole time - but he used to be chased by defensive lineman and linebackers back in his QB days so he's used to running fast.

i finished in 16 minutes 36 seconds... 45 seconds faster than the two mile race i ran two months ago at the YMCA. my pace was around an 8:19... when i ran my first 5k a year and a half ago - i was running a 9:35 pace. sweet, yo.

like before i ran with what Bryan might called a robotic-iPod arm band that no doubt makes one run faster. running with the Nike+ iPod system does make a race less boring, though.

we are planning on running a race in each of the next three months.

i'm pushing the 300 mile mark since i began running with Nike+ and have been a lot more consistent this spring and summer. i hope to keep it up.

my results... # 243 out of 882.

most beautiful week

i am on the tail end of a 'week off'. it was a vacation week for me, although i did not go anyplace - save the back yard. well there were a few get aways to local parks and what not. and we hit Starbucks a few times. it was a good week, despite chronic back pain that seemed to plague me most of the week.

i took the week off for a few reasons. 1: my wife was recently hired as the childrens ministry coordinator at our church - so it allowed her to get some things organized and what not while i was home with the kids. 2. our niece Harper was staying with us - as my sister was on a mission trip to Guatemala.

i read a lot - mostly from the book Growing Souls by Mark Yaconelli.
i journaled a lot. drawings and musings filled the pages.
i sat in the back yard a lot while the kids played.
i enjoyed the sun, the cool breezes and on occasion the refreshment of water - as we went swimming on three separate occasions.

it was beautiful weather all week - mid 70's... we even saw a couple of rainbows on the one evening where we were graced with rain.

we went and saw WALL-E, which was surprisingly good and we went to Tuscora Park - which was a highlight.

i am most thankful for this beautiful week.

why do you always see one shoe on the side of the highway?

ever been driving down the interstate - or on the entrance ramp to a major highway? what are you bound to see? a shoe. not shoes, but shoe. a single shoe. sometimes it's a red high-heeled pump, sometimes a casual buster brown. often you'll see the kids gym shoe or the occasional Pro Keds sport shoe. i don't recall seeing too many Nike's on the side of the road. but none-the-less, you will see a shoe. it's usually dirty, in a mud puddle or next to someone's misplaced empty bag of McDonalds garbage.

who leaves these shoe there? does someone throw them out the window when driving? was little Junior sticking his feet out the back seat window when mom hit a pot hole and alas his shoe fell off? i have my theories as to how the red pump is there - but what is a female escort doing on the side of the interstate? there are no corners there. and the casual dress shoe... was some guy walking to work along Interstate 77 and without noticing he walked right out of his shoe? i wonder when he finally noticed. maybe when he arrived at work. it would be really ironic if that dude worked at Payless Shoe Source or something.

i can hear the conversation now.
"Hey Roger where's your left shoe?"
"Oh, I was so intent on getting to work that i literally walked right out of it."
"Ha ha ha ha" (a collection of hearty laughs would no doubt follow)

well the next time you see such a shoe - remember - with every missing shoe is a story of some guy named Roger or some kid named Junior or some escort named Destiny.

or maybe this mystery of life has no answer. many o' men will no doubt spend the majority of adult life trying to solve it, no less. i hear it's now being offered as a major at Akron U.

silence of morning

birds make their songs known...
who is there to listen?
yet they still make their music loud.
proud of the melodies.
simple melodies that communicate so much.
they do it instinctively.

no matter if you or i bother to take time to listen.
even the wind can't silence them.
after a summer rain - their music intensifies...
sort of a homecoming
or a calling home.
they now have my attention.

there is something to be said about the
songs of the winged folk -
perched in trees mightily singing
for all or none to hear.
for they are not driven by others
but by God.



written early monday morning while sitting on the front porch swing... taking a moment...

Maker Moment #33

watching Dead Poets Society.

so much truth is found within. the entire movie is a God moment... waiting to speak to you if your eyes and ears are open.

i love it when i see and hear from God through a film.




what films does God speak to you through?

Maker Moment #1

read the book SEEING GOD IN THE ORDINARY by Michael Frost.

it has inspired my previous posts from today... and shall inspire many more.

what an eye opener...

Maker Moment #2

Do you see the magnificent love of the Father all around us?

the Maker is creating everyday, in-between moments for us to connect with Him... daily. after God created man on day 6 - he didn't just stop being who He is... he didn't cease to be Creator anymore, did he? God's creation is present tense. to Him creativity is as connected to us as is love, a love that abounds. you can not separate God's creativity from his love.






all we have to do is look. it's all around us. his love is there, eyes open or not.





Look.











maybe you need to view life from a different angle... maybe then you'll see.

Maker Moment #18

Sigur Rós





finding God in the simplistic things... finding hope in the unintelligible words and sounds...


because sometimes we have a hard time putting words to the feelings and emotions that are found from within us... our expression is pleasing to God - he is with us and he understands us. the Holy Spirit groans... (1 Thes. 5:15-17, Romans 8:26, etc.) with this comes hope... a hope that someone understands our deepest, darkest, inner-most being.

this is what comes to mind when i listen to Icelandic band Sigur Rós.

much of their music is sung in a form of Vonlenska.

Vonlenska is a term used to describe the gibberish sung by the band, in particular Birgisson. It is also commonly known by the English translation of its name, Hopelandic. It takes its name from “Von”, a song on Sigur Rós’s debut album Von where it was first used. Von - in icelndic means 'hope'.

Vonlenska is not a real language as it lacks a consistent grammar structure, word meaning, or even distinct words as such. Instead, it consists of meaningless syllables; the band’s website describes it as “a form of gibberish vocals that fits to the music”. Most of the syllable strings sung by Birgisson are repeated many times throughout each song, and in the case of ( ), throughout the whole album. As the rest of Sigur Rós’s lyrics are sung in Icelandic, which most of their audience do not understand, an unknowing listener could easily take Vonlenska to be Icelandic and be unaware that a song’s lyrics do not have a direct literal translation. Rather it is a form of expression. (from Wikipedia)

songs of choice:

Untitled #8 from the album ( )

Gong from the album Takk

Festival from the album Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust ("With a Buzz in Our Ears We Play Endlessly")

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Now playing: Sigur Rós - Untitled 8
via FoxyTunes

Maker Moment #7

seeking God in the ordinary... day by day... are your eyes opened enough to see Him?

Dancing.

some guy named Matt Harding went around the world and danced in 42 countries... captured all on video. pure joy. i'm quite certain God delights in our joy.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Maker Moment #42

God is all around us... revealing himself to us... are our eyes open enough to see Him?






'We sing "Great is thy faithfulness, O Lord. Your mercies are new every morning." Every day God shows us grace and favor, but we're too busy to spot it.' - Michael Frost (from the book Seeing God in the Ordinary

i read this while sitting in our postage-stamp sized backyard last evening. the sun was preparing to set. the kids were playing joyfully. a gentle breeze kept me cool. and God came near.

i stopped. got the camera and captured the moment... so that i would not forget.
































God is all around us - making a pass at us - trying to get out attention.
are you OPEN?

SEE. HEAR. TASTE. TOUCH. FEEL.


i will strive to post more Maker Moments from here on out.

where i've been

HERE... at the amazing CYF camp.
i put together this highlight video from CYF08. CYF is a senior high youth camp held at Malone college in canton, ohio. i serve as worship coordinator. this dude is the worship leader.

God was present with us and he moved amongst us. what a blessing.

enjoy.

guiding steps to a lasting legacy

this past Sunday was Youth Sunday - I, along with some of the youth from the group led the service. LEGACY was the theme of choice. listed below is some of the main points that were shared. We had many scriptures - but the meat of the message came from Luke 5. here are some notes from the sermon...



THE STORY OF LUKE 5 (IN A NUTSHELL)

• Fishers of Men called
  
• Man with leprosy healed
  
• Others join in on the healing
  
• Two guys cut a hole in the roof
  
• Sins forgiven / Pharisees mad
  
• Crippled man walks
• Awestruck people
  

INVITATION TO A CHANGED LIFE (GUIDING STEPS TO A LASTING LEGACY)


based on the Gospel of Luke, chapter 5

1. FOLLOW
• ”they pulled their boats to shore, dropped their nets and followed Jesus”
• they literally left everything... all the fish Jesus just helped them catch!
• think of the amounts of money that amount of fish would have brought them?
• they knew - in an instant - what it meant to to be in the presence of the Messiah.
• they recognized holiness.
• the holiness drew them in and they followed, without question.
  
2. DESIRE
• ”I want to be clean”
• the leper had the desire and couldn't keep quiet about it.
3. BELIEF
• ”a large crowd gathered to listen and be healed…”
• God's gonna reveal himself. You watch and see.
• Do we have expectant hearts? do we have that kind of belief?
• it's all about perspective... point of view. glass half full or half empty? do you visit the Grand Canyon and complain about the dirt on your shoes? do you watch the sun setting on the shores of Lake Erie and focus on the sand between your toes? the big picture reveals greatness, and the big picture of Christ's invitation to a changed life is to be celebrated.
  
• being in His presence brings about change. if we don't want to change - do we really want to be in the presence of Jesus? why resist the party?
4. BOLDNESS
• ”when they couldn’t find a way in… they cut a hole In the roof… Impressed by their bold belief, Jesus said, 'friend, your sins are forgiven.'”
• What must it feel like to have Jesus Christ impressed by your boldness?
• Whose boldness for the Gospel are we impressed with?
  
5. AMAZEMENT
   
• ”awestruck, they said “we’ve never seen anything like this.”
  
• Are we amazed at the mysteries of God?
• if the mystery fades - does our need for God fade?
• Like a child's Happy Meal toy... soon the amazement fades and the cheap toy is discarded.
• it shouldn't be that way for those who follow God and his teaching, yet - it often is.
• We ought to be awestruck every time we witness the presence of God.

if we allow it, DOUBTS WILL CREEP IN and squelch…
OUR ABILITY TO FOLLOW
OUR DESIRE
OUR BELIEF
OUR BOLDNESS
WHILE THE AMAZEMENT FADES

but we can exchange our doubts for courage to follow Him. the hand of Christ is extended to us - just like it was extended to Peter after he lost faith (in himself, perhaps) and began to sink after walking on the water to meet Jesus.

Christ’s invitation to a changed life...
IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.





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Now playing: Explosions In The Sky - So Long, Lonesome (Eluvium Mix)
via FoxyTunes

a message to my wife (from some of our youth)